Advice.....

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"It's my wedding, I do what I want!"

I don't think the bride (or groom) owes anyone explanations on any wedding-related decisions; UNLESS someone else is footing the bill.

I actually was in a very similar situation. Although, there were some logistical differences. Either way, the newlyweds did not offer my now fiancé a plus one. I still winded up going because it eventually worked out. However, not getting invited to someone’s wedding is a blow because couples move as a unit. Now, here are my thoughts:
You don’t have to invite anyone to a wedding that you don’t want there. But, what’s the real reason? At the end of the day, your FH slept with her. Woohoo. But, he’s marrying you. There’s no reason to hold that against either of them unless you have an insecurity. That’s okay if you do. It’s human and it’s normal but be honest about that. She’s not just an ex, she’s the best friends significant other. That’s like, her not inviting the two of you to their potential future wedding because of that former history. You wouldn’t like that just like they may not like your decision based off of past relations. The reality is whether you approve or not they’re together and out of respect, yes you should invite her.

View Quoted Comment Exactly. I 100% agree.

Your Future husband is marrying you not her. Let it go and don’t let it ruin your day! 😊

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I'm glad to see other people who think like I do. So many people call me "jealous" and other things like that. But I just wasn't raised that it's proper and in good manner to invite people like that to events, especially one like a wedding. I'm in the same boat as you though, I come from a background where FH and I are both not involved with exes at all. Not to say we wouldn't be cordial, but that we have just removed them from our lives.

I'm not saying go wild on someone for wanting to bring that person as a plus 1, but it's inappropriate, and I wouldn't allow it either.

I would let FH know how you feel. It's uncomfortable for you. You know he loves you and that the day is about the two of you, but you should have open lines of communication enough to share with him that you are not ok with her attending.

To be honest, I don’t think anybody else’s opinion matters other than yours. This is YOUR wedding. You should feel beautiful and happy and stress-free. If someone’s presence at your special day would rob you of any of those things, I say don’t invite them!

Don’t listen to the people saying it’s immature, if they want to invite their husbands exes and women they’ve slept with, let them go for it, it is really strange in my opinion and I wouldn’t allow it, neither would my FH allow my exes, it’s just very disturbing, like what?? If it was me I’d ask FH to explain to his best man why she isn’t invited, they should both understand, if they don’t (or anyone don’t) they can kiss off, it’s your big day you don’t deserve to feel any type of way but beautiful, confident and comfortable. Negative energy’s, vibes and unsupportive/misunderstanding people can just go on somewhere.

View Quoted Comment I 100% agree with what Jess says. People think there’s always “rules” to follow and that every single wedding is the same. But in fact, they’re all different. It’s up to YOU and your FH on who you’d like to invite. And your FH’s best man should understand considering the circumstances.

I would really reconsider not inviting this person who is a huge part of one of your nearest and dearest’s lives. Unless this girl has gone out of her way over the past two years to create drama or threaten your relationship, there is just no excuse to not invite her. Although my husband and I didn’t get married until dating for 6 years, I know we were already very serious by 6 months (we even got our first dog during that time). I would have been incredibly offended to not be included as a unit— especially if my so was the best man. As you said, you are really only looking for validation for your already decided opinion, so I’m not exactly sure why you are asking for advice, but the truth is that not inviting her can only paint you in a bad light and create potential drama that you need to be fully prepared to take on if that is the route you go. Is the potential awkwardness you might feel be worth creating a rift between your FH and his best man that might last indefinitely? Which would cause you more pain? Your best man will be doing a lot for you on your big day, and should have the option of having his support system by his side the same way you would want if you were the maid of honor in a wedding. And who knows, maybe she will choose not to go at all out of awkwardness herself? But to not invite her Is just flat out wrong. Sorry.

I might be petty and immature but oh well. My FH and I have a strict no exes rule (in our relationship) so inviting them to the wedding would be out of the question. I would be so uncomfortable to have her there. The groomsman should understand. And if he think you’re being unreasonable, oh well. It’s not his wedding. I would ask your FH directly though. But if it makes you uncomfortable, he should also understand.

Her attending a wedding seems like the smaller issue since you’re getting married and should be too overjoyed to care. The more awkward and uncomfortable topic is your FH and his best man/“best friend” sleeping with the same chick only “about 2 years ago”. Oh wow!

I think this is a matter of the personalities and belief system of the people who are involved. My FH and I would both be in agreement of not inviting a girl he used to be involved with. Now, in the case of the best man...you can honestly pass off this situation without causing problems by saying you would invite his plus one but unfortunately the guest list is full already and you are not in the financial position of paying extra for additional guests. You can even say you have had other guests you wanted to invite as well but could not afford to. At the end of the day it’s YOUR and your FH’s wedding....not the best mans. The bride should be happy and comfortable at her own wedding. Who knows...maybe inviting her could cause problems at the wedding and then that is something you guys have to deal with. The best man needs to be more understanding of how this situation could make you feel in my opinion.

View Quoted Comment I love this

At the end of the day, if she is all you can think about on your wedding day, then don't invite her. If you think you can get through the day and enjoy yourself without her on your mind, then i'd say whatever. I would probably be uncomfortable with it, but that's me. This day is all about you so do what you want.

View Quoted Comment I agree. I know a lot of people on here would say that it makes us insecure, but that’s not the case. It’s disrespectful, plus you don’t know the girls stance on it. You don’t know if she’s the type of person to flaunt it in your face. I would address the situation with your FH. We are not friends with exes, So I’m not experiencing this issue, but FH knows me well enough to know not to ever broach that subject.

If your okay with the friendship of your fiance and best man possibly ending because you didn't invite his girlfriend, don't invite her. And if the friendship somehow survives and they get engaged, don't be surprised if your not invited to their wedding.

View Quoted Comment 100% agree. The best man should definitely have a plus one if he wants to bring a date.

Okay.... so I should mention that I almost opted not to have a wedding due to all these “strings/social norms” attached to it. Best man isn’t really “best man” but is in a since that FH’s brother is really his best man but has 3 kids so he is kind of spread thin. So this friend falls right behind him!

Note: Definitely not insecure just wanting insight on not giving him a plus one due to MANY factors. (Cost as we have just taken in 4 foster children, finding bio family I would like to invite, etc.) plus this particular situation is kind of icing on the cake!!!! If they were engaged I would woman up and invite her because that’s when the blurriness of the situation is dissolved to me. But they are not.

Also I should mention after talking with FH that FH viewed him and the girls situation as a fling final year of college and something that was a mistake- HE did not pursue a relationship with her but SHE wanted one and was rather heartbroken and made a scene when it was not mutual.


As far as guy dating this girl this is a childhood friend not a friend from last few years of our lives, answering the question on why I don’t see her/extend a friendship or whatever. FH and him are kind of on different live paths, etc.

View Quoted Comment THANK YOU! Also why I was like of “wth” when she rolled up to the engagement party. 😳😬