Advice.....

Is your wedding so I can see how it can be awk for you and FH. I think you should see it pass just your wedding. If this relationship progresses with his best friend are you never going to hangout together? Be a part of each other’s life? Is more than just this one event which of course is important to you but can create an unnecessary tension to the relationship between your FH and BM. I’m not in your shoes so I don’t know how you feel but what’s in the past is in the past and you should talk to your FH and both decide.

Just my own personal opinion, but I would not want her at my wedding either. It just brings up history between the two of them, and this is your wedding day. Best Man can deal without her for a few hours, personally.

View Quoted Comment My point was that the best man and this girl have done nothing to acknowledge that this is an uncomfortable situation. If I was the best man, I would tell the groom how I feel about this girl to first off clear the air that the groom doesn’t care (which hopefully he did months ago when he decided to pursue this girl) and then introduce her to the fiancé. I couldn’t imagine not being friends with my fiancé’s best friends wife. That makes no sense to me at all. It seems as if the best man and the groom don’t have much of a relationship now (maybe they’re childhood best friends)
But more importantly, this is not an issue for the bride to stress about at the wedding. If the best man cared he would be proactive now in introducing the girl to the bride. I feel if he makes no attempt to do so then she is absolutely within her right to say she doesn’t want someone her fiancé slept with at the wedding. The wedding is in January, there is plenty of time for the best man to make this situation right.
I agree the best man should get a plus one, but no one has the right to bring absolutely anyone they want as a plus one. Someone the groom has slept with is an exception that should be cleared with the bride and groom, not just assumed that it’s alright.

Imagine the shock the future bride and groom had at their engagement party when an ex of the groom shows up. Two weeks into dating she is much much more an ex of the groom than a girlfriend of the best man. I would think this girl would have more class and the best man more sense than to show up unannounced to the engagement party. A simple call to the groom to give him a heads up would've changed the situation entirely. That’s incredibly rude of the best man to do that, that’s on him, not the bride.

My FH has an ex gf that his dad still talks to via Facebook I have informed him multiple times she is not to be invited and if she shows up I will walk out on the wedding if u can’t respect my wishes in that sense then there’s no point going through with it

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Because you don't ask your best man to celebrate your relationship while not respecting his relationship. It's as simple as that.

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It goes both ways. Yes the best man could have reached out to make an introduction but the groom could have also tried to set up double dates so that they could get to know each other. This isn't just on the best man. You don't ask someone to come celebrate your relationship while disrpecting their relationship. That's a big no.

I just don’t understand why this matters at all. His past is his past. I would think obviously there’s no hard or lingering my feelings or his presumably very close friend wouldn’t be dating her. But he is, and as long as she’s in his life, she’ll be in yours too, so you may as well get used to it. To try to black list anyone that’s ever had a sexual interaction with your partner solely for that reason is a both a bit silly and a bit childish. Life doesn’t always move in perfect little unrelated circles, and we just have to figure out how to deal with it. What is the ACTUAL reason for not wanting her there? I’d spend some time really considering that. I can’t think of any reasoning aside from jealously, and if it is that, it’s unfounded, as they have both moved on.

Beyond all T H A T, this is very much a balance of reward versus consequence. If you remove emotion entirely and think about this strictly pragmatically, there are some very important factors to consider— namely: what do you actually gain by not having her there, versus what do you lose. I personally don’t see what you gain except for some self satisfaction. And in the loss category— there’s a lot. Your FH’s whole relationship with someone he is currently close enough to call Best Man is at stake. This move is the first in a downward spiral toward dissolution. Don’t include the girl friend — upset the girlfriend— girlfriend gets upset, upsets the boyfriend— the effects last: girlfriend doesn’t want to hang out with you guys as she rightfully feels unwelcome, so suddenly every time boyfriend wants to hang out with you guys, it becomes an issue. The solution for their relationship, is he stops hanging out too. I guess the ultimate question to ask yourself is: are you okay with the possibility of FH losing one of his very dear friends over this? The compounding factor is that if your FH is ostensibly okay with his friend and the girl from his past dating, HE has already made the decision, actively, to not let their relationship ruin his with his friend. So based on THAT, I would support my FH’s decision, for the sake of his friendship.

You'd be removing the BM's Plus 1? So, you already invited him and gave him a Plus 1? If so, then her invitation came from him, as his Plus 1. I don't see a good way of uninviting her at this point without causing bad feelings.

If the Plus 1 is just on a "to invite" list, and invitations haven't gone out yet, then sure, remove it. He's the best man and will be busy with that all day, so use that as the excuse to not give a Plus 1.

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No, I did not do save the dates and invitations are going out mid-November so trying to figure it out now!!!

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That's good! Then I would be sure to add the "____ Number Of Seats Have Been Reserved" on his invitation, write in 1 so there is no question of a Plus 1, and if he mentions it explain what you did here. Let him know it's an intimate ceremony with limited seating, and he'll be busy with BM duties, so you want that seat for family. Even though you just met your bio family, they are still family! If there are issues, let your FH handle it, since he said he would go with whatever you wanted to do.

Congrats to you both, and I hope everything works out so you have a great day!

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But the reason that the groom chose him to be the best man is because they’re close friends, not because the best man is someone who will be a great addition to the party/ just being there to celebrate the wedding. The groom and best mans friendship should be more important to the best man than the girl he’s been seeing for a few months. If my friend asked me to be MOH but didn’t invited my FH because they slept together, I’d totally understand that. My friends wedding day isn’t the time or place to demand attention, it’s the time to celebrate my friends marriage. People need to refocus and remember that the entire wedding wouldn’t happen if it weren’t for the couple, so the focus should be on the couple.

Also, why does the best mans gf want to go to her ex’s wedding? Doesn’t that seem weird to anyone else?

Definitely she's not invited NO IF AND BUTS ABOUT IT SIMPLE...!!! NO DRAMA JUST LOVE AND HAPPINESS

View Quoted Comment Very weird let alone why would u date ur ex BF anyways some ppl have NO MORALS🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

^^ but...there isn’t drama. Yet.
D rama is what happens when the significant other is excluded. If this situation becomes dramatic it is because of the choice the op is making to not invite her. There IS an expectation that significant others will be invites to weddings just as there is an expectation that bridal party members are allowed a plus one, even if they’re single and the rest of the guests aren’t getting them. Hence why someone would be upset if they were then excluded. Nothing to do with their history. Simply a matter of being left out and taking it personally — which is legitimate because it *is* personal. It doesn’t sound like this girl is necessarily itching to get an invite and heck maybe she wouldn’t even want to come, but it would be offensive not to invite the best man’s girlfriend. It’s not about her wanting an in to her ex’s wedding. It’s about her boyfriend being in a wedding and her wanting to attend with him....as couples tend to want to do. And it’s not about the party, it’s about respecting relationships. It comes off badly to have people come and honor your relationship while ignoring theirs. There isn’t drama until you make drama, and it’s certainly not fair to expect no consequences. Not excluding significant others is bound to hurt feelings no matter what the back story is.

View Quoted Comment Exactly this. Are you concerned that your FH is going to hook up with her at the wedding? If not, I don’t see the problem

I imagine that'd be extremely weird, even if y'all both have someone else. I wouldn't want her there!

Plus ones are a privilege, not a right. If he asks why he can't bring a date, tell him it's too expensive.

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That won't work if other people attending the wedding were given a plus one.