Advice: Sister just found out she is pregnant. She's a BM and due right after the wedding

I personally, wouldn't. If you've already asked her to be a bridesmaid than thats the choice you made when deciding to ask early. You could maybe say something like "are you still wanting to be in the wedding? I know this are going to get stressful for you in those month."

If she opts out thats her choice, but you already asked. Let the birdesmaids all pick a dress in the same color/length and she should have no issue finding one.

Not trying to play devil's advocate, but there are lots of places that sell maternity dresses, and her getting pregnant is not grounds for you to suddenly kick her out of your BP. All that would show everyone is that you're dealing with a case of sour grapes, and if you think the spotlight is being turned off of you now, just wait until you give her the boot just because she's preggo...

If you're so concerned about her stealing your thunder, talk to her and your family. Make it clear to them that you're thrilled for her, but when it comes to your day (and the milestone events leading up to the big day), you'd like for it not to be overshadowed by her pregnancy. If she tries to spin everyone's attention to her at something associated with your wedding, that would be your license to become Bridezilla, but only AFTER you've made your feelings known.

Good luck!

I totally get where you are coming from. I have a twin sister and have had to share everything my whole life. I thought this was going to be my time to shine without her in the light also. She got her time when when she got married so I should have mine right? Well she is pregnant also, but due about a month before the wedding. When we first found out the only person I could talk to was FH because I knew my mom and sister would not understand how I felt. He told me that I still needed to tell them how I felt even though we knew it would not make much difference. So I did tell my mom. She acted like it was not even a problem. A few people I talked to understood my feelings. I am happy for her. Unfortunately it is something that we are going to just have to deal with because there is not much you can do about it.

Ladies, a pregnant bridesmaid is just not something that you should be upset about. Everyone will still be at your wedding to see YOU. YOU will be the one in the big white dress and the center of attention.

OP, I know that your sister seems to have accidentally gotten pregnant, but it won't be a problem. If you want to make a single snarky-but-disguised-as-sweet comment, just say, "I'm so happy for you! It's just too bad that you won't feel up to dancing at the wedding." Then get over it. You're going to have a great time despite her.

@Amanda, did you expect your sister and her husband to postpone baby plans for your wedding? I'm guessing not. It sucks, but she won't be the center of attention--you will.

I'm not trying to sound mean, but try to look at it from another perspective. Your wedding is one day. Aside from saving that day on their calendar and not scheduling anything else for it, no one can plan their lives around your ONE day.

You can always have the altered to fit her pregnant belly. I got pregnant 3 months after we ordered the dresses. The bride had an amazing seamtress that was able to a size 10 satin dress to fit my 8 month pregnant belly. She did it a week before my best friends wedding.

It doen't sounf like you are asking if she should still be in the wedding. It sounds like you have already made up your mind. It's your wedding and if you have decided not to have your sister in your wedding anymore that is your right. You couold ask her to be an honorary bridesmaid. She could come get ready with you,wear a maternity dress in the same color, and take some photos but she wouldn't have to stand up at the front of the ceremony wearing heelsl That way she can still sort of be a part of things.

I get where you are coming from. Ive been in the background my whole life, my sister has always taken center stage and everything has always been about her. So, when i got engaged, i made it perfectly clear to her and to my parents that even though she is maid of honor, this day is to be about ME, and i wanted the spotlight. So far its working. A pregnancy isnt something she can do anything about now that it has already happened, and i dont think you should boot her from the WP because of it. You will be the one in the spotlight on that day, but you might have to fight for the attention between now and then. Sorry you have to deal with this.

Amy, I think your instincts are right about this; it sounds like a powder keg of drama waiting for a spark.

I'd go with something like "Hey, sis, I'm totally excited for your second baby, but I'm having some serious fears that your pregnancy will get in the way of your duties as a bridesmaid. Because I'm going to need people to be running around getting stuff done like madwomen that day, I'm sure you'll understand why I can't have you as a bridesmaid."

If you are really just worried about the dress, the ladies above have already mentioned alternative options for her attire.

If you are really just worried about her stealing your limelight, then it may be time to put on your big girl panties and get over that.

Pregnancy aside, if you don't want her as a BM because you feel that it will only add stress/drama to both the two of you and your relationship, then that's one thing.

Asking her to step down solely because she's pregnant is probably NOT going to do anything to improve your relationship with her.

I guess I should give a little back story. My sister is 3 yrs older but has never acted as such. I have always been the one to take care of her problems and calm my parents when she went off the handle. She is an incredibly selfish person. I grew up a lot quicker than I should have had to because my parents were so busy trying to take care of my sister and make sure she wasn't getting in trouble somewhere. I don't resent my parents or her for it; I am the person I am because of it. I am a survivor. However, I am not changing my wedding theme and style just because she chose to have unprotected sex with her boyfriend. .. cont

All she has been concerned about since she found out I was getting married is if my niece was going to be in it. I love my niece dearly, but I'm not having any kids in the wedding. The place we are getting married has no wall between it and the bay. I don't want to risk having kids that close to the water without someone right by them. Once I told her we weren't have kids in the wedding she freaked out on me and said my FH shouldn't be the one to make that decision. When I told her I was the one that made the decision she decided to complain about the dresses. I told them the 2 colors and the length of the dress. They are free to pick any style they want. She said she doesn't like the length and is just going to get a floor length gown anyway.

... cont

I understand you all saying that the focus will be on me and such, but you don't know my sister. She will be at the wedding; but I'm not going to allow her to be in it. She will make a mountain out of a molehill anytime she doesn't agree with a decision and use her pregnancy as the excuse for getting her way. With her, you have to pick your battles because it gets nasty real quick. I don't want to have to deal with that while planning my wedding.

I can understand where you are coming from. My cousin didnt tell me she was pregnant until the day that all the BM and I got together to try on the BM dresses at the dress shop. I wasnt mad that she was pregnant, she offered to pay for someone else dress that would take her place. I told her just to put that towards the baby. She is due a week or two after the wedding and that maternity dress idea would be a great one if she wasnt due around that time. No sense in having her order a dress and maybe not able to because of her due date being around the time of the wedding. That was cutting it too close and she understood. I would just tell my sister just that. I would also find something else for her to do like maybe a greeter or a guestbook attendant or just an honorary guest so that she doesnt fill left out and if she is available that day she would do it but I would have a backup

It's only a competition if you think of it as one, and play that game.

Why would you have to change your wedding style and theme b/c she's pregnant? People are pregnant at weddings all the time. Just like people are engaged at baby showers all the time. Life happens. It's NBD.

You get to choose the dress and she has to deal with it, so if she doesn't like the dress that's her problem. And if you don't want her in the wedding that's up to you. The way you describe her I probably wouldn't want her in my wedding either. But her being pregnant is really neither here nor there.

FWIW, it sounds like you have lots of reasons to resent her and I don't blame you, but I would try to stop taking her life so personally. Not saying it was responsible on her part to get pregnant (although that doesn't mean she was having unprotected sex), but a person would have to be seriously unhinged to get pregnant on purpose just to mess with you. Hopefully when she made the baby she was not thinking of you at all.

LOL Kris! I sure hope she wasn't thinking of me then! Someone mentioned (not on here) that I should change my color and theme so that she would "fit in" better. I forgot to mention that in my post though.

I think part of my issue is that I can't talk to my Mom about it. My sister found out last Monday but hasn't told my parents yet because she didn't want to ruin their vacation. They come back from the mountains next Sunday then get hit by a ton of bricks Monday! I'm very angry, but not because of the wedding. I just know that my parents can't afford paying bills for another baby. My FH and I are paying for our wedding ourselves so it's not like she's taking any money from that. I just know how my parents are gonna stress .. Eek!

The others have given very good advice. If you feel there is too much drama between you two, I'd sit down with her - not even mentioning the wedding - and just let her know that you've been feeling stress over some topics that deal with her, and that you want to address them with her so you can have an even better relationship moving forward. Let her know that the result you want is for both of you to feel less stress from each other. Hopefully a discussion like this can bring you both to the same page so you can start moving forward with less stress.

Eh, you can't be mad on your parents' behalf though. If they get sucked into paying all her bills and supporting her kids that's their decision, quite frankly. If they can't afford it or just don't want to do it, they have to use the magic word "NO." If they don't say no, then IMO they have no rights to complain. At least you know that you don't need anything from anybody. I'm sure your parents appreciate that more than they have energy to tell you.

Keep your theme and color as they are. I changed my BM dress color b/c someone complained and I quickly realized that person was going to complain no matter what, so it wouldn't have really mattered. Your sister can totally find a maternity dress that works if you're flexible with her. But if you just don't want her in the wedding period b/c she's a drama llama, handle it that way and leave the pregnancy out of it.

Lol, drama llama...that's awesome Kris

LOL .. Thanks for all the input ladies! I appreciate it!