Advice Need Re: Dry Wedding & Troublesome Guests

I'll have to disagree with you that it'd be disrespectful for a guest to have a drink at home 1st. I will say if i drank before attending someone's wedding and showed up drunk then yes disresepctful and rude. Honestly, i would take a flask. I always take a flask to an event. It's my time off and i do like to drink because i get nervous around new people and it helps me relax. Also places never carry my preferred alcohol and i'm a cheap ass lol.

I understand not wanting alcohol because you and your family don't drink, but i think of it as being a good host to your guests to at least have an option. I know there are some heavy drinkers in my family and i have told the venue they can and should cut people off if needed.

Definitely, have your FH be the one to discuss the no alcohol thing with her. You doing it can be seen as overstepping depending on your relationship with her.

I think stressing that the venue doesn't allow outside alcohol to people is the most diplomatic way to present the idea.

I am also startled at how many people see alcohol as a necessity for a wedding or just having fun at an event. My FH barely ever drinks: we haven't discussed it yet, but a "dry" wedding might be a possibility for us as well. our friends and I have always had plenty of fun without needing to get drunk. I just never even thought it was a big deal.

I have been to plenty of weddings with no alcohol. It wasn't advertised as "dry." just, you got there, there was no booze, we danced, ate, had fun. there was no discussion beforehand, no one snuck anything in, no big deal. I kind of feel like my guests should be there because they care about me and my FH. If the booze is more important than that, then they don't belong there.

Could you just tell people that they will just risk getting thrown out if they show up drunk or with alcohol due to the fact that the venue doesn't have insurance liability for your event serving alcohol? I'm sure your guests wouldn't know the difference. It'd be one thing to have friends loosen up on their own beforehand but if they show up blitzed they're pretty bad friends.

I have alcoholics on both sides of my family and I also have friends who drink too...I am having a dry wedding for the same reasons...me and FH aren't drinkers and if we do drink which is only at our birthdays since his and mine are a week apart we do it in the privacy of our home...I don't think it's rude to give "smugglers" an ultimatum...especially if you suspect they'll end up getting trashed at the wedding...

Your hosting the party, you do what you want. I can tell you two things though; setting ultimatums usually doesn't do any good and I have never seen anyone get troublesome at a wedding and cause a scene. If that's the history of your families, and you decide to serve wine or beer or something, definitely get a bartender so consumption is controlled. Part of their job is to keep things from escalating.

In my circle of friends, (and for most of my clients apparently, since I've never even seen a dry wedding) offering a guest an adult beverage, no matter how simple, is just hospitality. If his family drinks (and I find that people tend to throw the word "alcoholic" around in a pretty wide way.....) then they will see this as problematic since it's part of a social event for them. Only you can decide whether this will be okay with them or not, but in the end it's your decision.

Personally? It wouldn't be my choice.

We have the same exact problem... We don't drink and fhs parents don't drink but he has a lot of alcoholics in his distant family and so do I. His parents also had a dry wedding 30 years ago and had been people ssneak in liquor. A dry wedding I was at recently had the same issue.

My sister and dad were saying that they are sneaking in flasks which made me livid. So i sat them down and told them that it would devistate me if they disrespected me lile that... I know my sister got it but I'm not sure with my dad... I am going to keep casually mentioning it for the next three months... "You are going to have so much fun no need for.alcohol!". I hope it works...

We have the same exact problem... We don't drink and fhs parents don't drink but he has a lot of alcoholics in his distant family and so do I. His parents also had a dry wedding 30 years ago and had been people ssneak in liquor. A dry wedding I was at recently had the same issue.

My sister and dad were saying that they are sneaking in flasks which made me livid. So i sat them down and told them that it would devistate me if they disrespected me lile that... I know my sister got it but I'm not sure with my dad... I am going to keep casually mentioning it for the next three months... "You are going to have so much fun no need for.alcohol!". I hope it works...

People who drink at a party aren't necessarily alcoholics.....just sayin. If they are 'distant family" how do either of you know?

I'm not trying to be devil's advocate here, honestly, but judgement runs both ways.

I think this problem is less about alcohol and more about behavioral issues.

I also don't understand why people get so up-in-arms about no alcohol. In my opinion if you need alcohol to relax/have a good time it's time to re-evaluate a few things. Yes it's fun... Yes it's preferred- but by no means should it be necessary...

The problem here is that you are trying to stop a train from coming. If the train wants to go down the tracks that's what it's going to do and giving ultimatums isn't going to stop anything. They are adults and will make their own decisions and they won't respond well if they're being patronized. Don't mention the dry part, if flasks are brought up express disappointment and have a backup plan if people do get out of control. Chances are things will turn out fine.

Here is my opinion, it's your wedding so of course it is your choice to have alcohol or not.

Though you have to remember all people celebrate in different ways. Some like a glass of wine to loosen up a little. Some like to be sober and have just as much fun as the drunkest person there. Some like to over do it on the alcohol. Everyone is different so that is why there will be so much controversy on the topic. It is understandable that there are alcoholics in the family and that you don't want issues on your big day but some people just don't care.

I went to a dry wedding last year. It was a gorgeous wedding - a lot of money went into it but no one danced except the bridal parties. Everyone just stared and honestly the crowd wasn't hoping. People started to head out after an hour an half and almost everyone was gone by 2 and half hours because to them this was boring. The way I see it your having a huge party with a bunch of people who don't know everyone, they need liquid courage.

Cont..

to go out and mingle with people.

What people do before your wedding is none of your business. I know that's harsh but it's true. The only way it would be part of your problem is if they came in belligerent but I doubt anyone will do that. Why would they?

I'm with Celia.

I feel like the word alcoholic is just being thrown around. My family likes to drink, i like to drink, my friends like to drink, doesn't make us alcoholics. We drink quite a bit, i'll admit, but it's not so bad that's its an addiction. Yeah we have a great time when we drink but just because somebody drinks at a party every time or when going out does not make them an alcoholic.

Yeah people like to drink when they are at a party and yeah it makes it more fun for them doesn't make them rude or alcoholics. People enjoy drinking just like they enjoy eating. If someone wants to drink at a wedding it shouldn't be a big deal.

A professional/good bartender knows when to cut people off so that there will not be any liability issues for the venue. Your venue will not want any belligerent drunks there just as much as you. Just saying, in general for this issue.

I say "pick your battles". It sounds like there is potential for problems either way. Will those few who might smuggle something in be able to get smashed off of what they can smuggle in? If not, let it be.

A person is an alcoholic when the drinking interferes with their lives and the lives of their friends and family--such as when they make a big drunken scene at a wedding. Some people only need one drink to do this.

Again, I don't get what is up with people that need a drink to enjoy a wedding, but if you are worried that people are going to be bored and leave early (personally not who I'd want there anyways, then) or not be able to interact with each other, do some things that will involve the guests like Minglo or a scavenger hunt or some other games. Find a game--maybe some kind of dancing game--that will let you split them into teams so that they will get to know their team-mates. Or give them "dance cards" with prizes for things like the most different people danced with. Skip the reception line. We are. Everyone finds that boring and awkward. I am just going to make it a point to go out among my guests and visit with each one of them for a couple of minutes at least.

You might also want to designate someone ahead of time--maybe a couple of groomsmen and bridesmaids---to manage any problem guests.

I work with people who think that a social occasion without alcohol is not worth attending. They will honestly dip out of something that a family member or close friend is hosting if it's "dry", or if the only way to get there and back is by driving (thereby enforcing their own wee "bubble of dryness"). They are amazed that the few things I go to (usually out to dinner with a friend a few times a year), I do the driving. Heck, I don't like paying for taxis, and hate trains and buses. LOL

Most people like the looseness just one or two drinks offers them so much they cannot fathom going out and alcohol not being involved, so yes, social events can be more "fun" to them. It's not the event that is boring or fun - it's the guest's perception of it.

I've already forewarned my "alchy" friends and WP that we're having a dry wedding. FH and I drink, but our families do not. I've explained to them that we will respect our parents and the elders of our families and refrain from alcohol consumption for that day. One of my friends said she plans to bring her personal flask, and I told her to make sure she pulls it out either outdoors or in her hotel room. I'm not going to put her out, but I've expressed my desire to have her respect our families and enjoy the cool punches we'll have for our guests.

Wow, so many comments I can't nearly respond to them all!

Celia, I'm talking about FH's mother and father when I bring out the term alcoholic and I'm not not lying about the statement - especially with his mother. You can tell there is a serious problem if when you call, no matter what time, and 9 out of 10 times, she's blitzed and when we got out in public ANYWHERE she has to find some alcohol to consume. She's tiny, but boy, can she be loud. Unfortunately, I'm not throwing the "alcoholic" word around lightly.

Honestly, reading all this discussion has helped me to reaffirm my decision to have a completely dry wedding. It will be disappointing if people leave too early, but we're planning on leaving at a reasonable time so I don't think I'll worry about anyone after I leave. Plus, most of the people I want to stay for awhile will know we don't drink and never will and should just be there to offer us support on our big day that's finally arrived.

Also, Jennifer, good idea!

I think having a dry wedding is okay, however I also think its a little over the top to tell the wedding party if they drink thill he kicked out.,

I went to a friends wedding and it was a dry wedding. Everyone had a blast with no alcohol around. There was no drama (surprisingly). I think everyone realized it was their day and their decision and respected it. Wasn't even mentioned on invites or anything. They had sparkling cider on all the tables for everyone to enjoy and toast with so there was still bubbly and everyone was happy