Advice Need Re: Dry Wedding & Troublesome Guests

If your FH mother and father are truly alcoholics then telling them "no" like they are children isn't going to do a thing to stop them from drinking.

I really don't even drink but I think I would be a little offended if someone tried to mommy me and tell me that I would be kicked out for just drinking a glass of wine.

Keep in mind it does cause guest to give you less of a gift too since they know alcohol increases the cost of the wedding. You can say there will be non alcoholic drinks there so folks are not offended. It does not sound like it is worth the drama to give such an ultimatum though. Usually people are not allowed to bring their own anyway!

If I was attending your wedding, I would have a few before showing up. If that a no no too?

It's your wedding, and you're well within your rights to ban alcohol or serve it. It's up to your guests to respect your wishes.

Dry weddings aren't my thing necessarily, but I've attended and had fun. I'd try to explain why you made that decision and ask that they respect your decision.

My gift is the same, dry or not. I don't try to offset anyone's costs/expenses. I gift based on my relationship with the couple.

We're not having a dry wedding, but one friend of FH's (who we both think is an alcoholic), said something about bringing his flask and FH told him no. The venue is the only one allowed to serve alcohol, I don't want him getting trashed (and he would), and we could be liable if anything happens. If I see the flask, I'm taking it away from him or someone else is.

I don't think threatening to kick people out is the way to go. You can have your dry wedding, most people will respect that & won't sneak in alcohol. If anyone does I think you'll be too busy to notice'!

Sorry, I'll try to respond to everyone so far because I enjoy the diverse opinions.

Briggitte, I understand that it won't necessarily stop them but if it were my choice I'd prefer /not/ to invite them. Although us not serving alcohol will hopefully offset the fact the "mommy-ing" factor of it because a majority of the guests shouldn't have an issue.

Alteray, never thought of the gift thing but that isn't too much of a deal with us. The gift is there presence. And they wouldn't be allowed to bring any, that's true.

Bridget, hahaha, no! That's just disrespectful in my opinion.

WAHP, thank you for all of your thoughts. I agree, we have been telling them and while some are wary, I think they're on board. I never even realized people bought gifts based on costs/expenses. We're trying to make it extremely interactive to make it enjoyable to guests! Maybe I'll have to make a board with ideas on what to do at a dry wedding.

Kahlcara, that's the same way with us (well besides ours being dry). There are only about 4 people I'm concerned with smuggling alcohol in and so we're just trying to be proactive. :-) And my first post made it seem like we're being really harsh. We're not - I promise! We're just trying to be real with our guests.

DlovesD, I hope we'd be too busy to notice. Thanks for responding!

It's a difficult thing to decide, whether to have a dry wedding or not, and even more of a worry as to what happens when people bring along alcohol for whatever reason.

Whether for religious, cultural, or just plain preferential reasons, it's nice to be invited to a wedding, and one should do as the couple want and not bring in alcohol if it's "dry".

I'd wonder why people would be curious as to the reasons for a dry wedding. It's the couple's business, not the guests'.

As for kicking guests out, that is a hard call. I would prefer to warn a "drinking" guest that this is a dry event. If they keep refusing to comply, well, yeah. Maybe I would kick 'em out. That's just showing disrespect IMO.

I don't think you're being unreasonable or harsh by deciding to have a dry wedding. It's YOUR day and you can have booze or not. That is your choice and guests need to respect it.

If it's only a few people that you're worried would bring flasks, I would just say something to them in private before the wedding. You don't need to make a blanket statement to all guests about getting kicked out for bringing in alcohol. That does seem a bit harsh. Just speak to those you would be worried about and reiterate your wishes to have a dry wedding, which does not imply BYOB!

When you speak with them, I would try to word things without accusing them of being alcoholics or like you're expecting them to misbehave.

Abby, thanks for your response. We weren't planning on telling everyone, just the few people and in general to anyone who asks we're saying it's a dry wedding. That way, if they think it will be boring they don't have to come and be bored! I think we might have to be extra firm with my FH's mom, but the rest I'm hoping will just understand, I'm not sure how delicate to tread. I guess FH should just be the one to discuss it with her.

Aspiecat, sorry I didn't see your response initially! Your advice seems to align with what I was thinking and I agree with what you have to say, thank you!

And don't worry about the gifts (although it didn't sound like you were ) we had a completely dry wedding for all the same reasons-- people we didn't trust to drink, not drinking ourselves, etc.-- and people were very generous in their gifts. The only person who even mentioned it was my dad, who'd helped pay-- he'd wanted to know if his contribution had affected our choice (not really). Other than that, everyone knows we don't drink, so I don't think they thought twice about it.

I went to a dry wedding last year, my friend and her family don't drink for religious reasons, and it was by far, and it was still one of the most fun weddings I've been to!

I would suggest though, instead of you or FH being the ones to kick people out if they do sneak in their own alcohol, is there a venue manager or security that you can speak to about doing that? Then, the burden doesn't fall on you on your wedding day, and you could word it more like a blanket rule for the venue and the few people who might want to try sneaking stuff in would be less likely.

I am not a huge drinker but if someone threatened to kick me out of a wedding for drinking I just wouldn't attend. Not because of the no alcohol but I would be offended. Most adults can make responsible decisions. If there are a few people you are worried about talk maybe talk to them privately?

I think you are totally fine in requesting no alcohol. It's your day and they should respect your decision. I also don't base my gift on how much they are spending for me to be there, but rather on the relationship I have with them.

Dry weddings are just fine. The general consensus is that people need alcohol to have a good time. This is not always the case. Here's a perfect example. 3 years ago, we did a dry military wedding. The guests did not know this would be a dry wedding and much to their surprise, only lemonade and iced tea were served.

It was very quiet during dinner and through the formalities but, once we opened up the dancefloor, it erupted in frenzy and people remembered why they were there. To celebrate to people's love and devotion for one another.

No worries. You'll be fine as long as the DJ you choose doesn't depend on the guests blood alcohol level.

To see a video from this wedding, visit http://youtu.be/pcnDe6RHqNQ

Good luck!

If I had people in my family that I knew had an issue with alcohol, I would definitely have a dry wedding.

Lacey, you are in your right to have your wedding the way you want. If they don't like it, they can always just attend the ceremony.

I think telling people if they bring alcohol they'll be kicked out is a bit much UNLESS the venue doesn't allow it. My venue (A county park lodge) allows no hard liquor. I'm not willing to pay any kind of fine if someone decides they can't live without.

At the wedding I was in this past week, some of the girls joked about sneaking booze into the church, I found that truly disrespectful. But, a dry wedding is a dry wedding, you honestly don't even have to tell people it's a dry wedding. What you choose to serve (or in this case not serve) is your choice, not theirs.

It's funny to me that so many people think not offering alcohol is so rude and that they should be treated like adults... In my opinion, requiring alcohol from someone or you won't be happy/attend at all doesn't sound very "adult" to me. We all know that liquor tends to cause as many bad nights as it does good.

I think your choice is understandable. And even if others are saying you're rude, you know your family and guests better than anyone. You know what is most appropriate.