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Beginner August 2018

About to cancel over reception food. One unexpected expense after another...

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Dwindling, on February 21, 2018 at 2:15 PM

Let me just say we've managed to pull together every other detail of this wedding on almost zero budget but the food is going to be what kills it. Neither of us has any desire what so ever to do a lame cake and punch reception as we have a summer night adults only wedding planned. I've hardly spent anything on my dresses, less than $100 for both my wedding and reception dress together. My flowers are being done by my grandmother. My mom and I are doing centerpieces. My aunt, mom, FH, FFIL and myself are decorating the venue with borrowed lights from family and venue is free. I got all linens second hand and will be reselling all after they are cleaned. Photography services are being gifted. Videography is being gifted by another. Photo booth is being gifted by my daughter. Ceremony is being performed by my oldest son. Middle son and daughter is preforming live music at reception and FH nephew is DJ. We have to rent tables, chairs, dance floor, bathroom trailer, pay for open bar or signature cocktail. Guest list is over 200 that's close family and friends. We were going to do a BBQ style menu which for our people and our lifestyle completely appropriate. My compromise to not shut down is for us to provide brisket, country style pork ribs and chicken and to include and insert that says something along the lines of .... You know that family, friends and food are the greatest! Please join us in the continued celebration of our love following our ceremony for a pot luck reception. We'll provide the meat and drinks! You surprise us with your best sides and pies! ( It not a contest but as always there will be games, karaoke and prizes!) *Your company and sweet smile is the only gift necessary*
I know more than half of you are going to rip me a new one with how tacky it is but why should a couple go into debt to get married when they've already been through hell and back? That whole wait until your circumstances are better thing?! This is better. 5 years ago my house was ripped away. The year after that I was nearly killed in a car accident and it took years to recover. The next year my mother had a heart attack leaving me to care for my disabled sister. I'm waiting my life away. Just when I think I'm a few months away I get TBONED by an uninsured driver and there goes part of my wedding budget. I'm tired of waiting for the right moment.

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103 Comments

Beginner August 2018
Dwindling · on February 21, 2018 at 2:51 PM
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My wedding isn't a cost so going to the courthouse only add to it. Why that keeps coming up baffles me. Where does adding the expense of a courthouse wedding save me anything? I didn't ask anything about my wedding. There isn't any cost associated with my wedding ceremony.
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VIP January 2019
Daria · on February 21, 2018 at 2:51 PM
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You're not being cheated out of anything. Why do you think you are owed this experience? Please don't cheat your GUESTS by expecting them to do work at a party they should be honored guests at. I'm not inviting all of my aunts and uncles. I'm not inviting a lot of people that I would like to invite, because I can't afford to throw that kind of party. I would rather choose the people that are most important to me and host them well.
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Champion May 2016
OG Kathryn · on February 21, 2018 at 2:52 PM
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Yes, they will be working your wedding rather then enjoying as honored guests. You could've easily declined their offers.
Sounds like everything was free except the food. Can you hold off just a few more months and save for the side dishes?
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Super August 2019
Jennifer · on February 21, 2018 at 2:53 PM
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I'm with a PP where you cut back on the meat options, if I'm at a wedding and I know the couple and things are "tight" then I would be happy with only having 1 option of meat. If you chose 1 type of meat that helps your budget to provide sides.
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Champion May 2016
OG Kathryn · on February 21, 2018 at 2:53 PM
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It would save you because you would no longer have to host the reception for all the 200 guests. You could take immediate family and bring them out to dinner afterwards.
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Master September 2018
Munchkin9218 · on February 21, 2018 at 2:54 PM
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OP- People are suggesting that instead of throwing a party you cannot afford for 200 people that instead you do go to the court house or have a small civil ceremony and take only your immediate family out to dinner.

Also even if you have a ceremony somewhere else you will still need to pay for you license and such so that fee should always automatically be included whether you are having a large reception or not.
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Super August 2019
Jennifer · on February 21, 2018 at 2:56 PM
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All I can say that hahahahaha Greatness
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VIP September 2018
Happy Hedgie · on February 21, 2018 at 2:59 PM
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I suggested it because if you do this you won't be hosting 200 guests and don't need to worry about feeding them. Your wedding will not be free if you do not go the courthouse route since you will still need to pay for a license, fees, etc. There is no additional expense.
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Master May 2016
Beutivant · on February 21, 2018 at 2:59 PM
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You're right. You didn't ask anything about your wedding. So the what was this post about? Are you just here to brag? I don't get it.
FINE, you're having what most consider a horribly rude and tacky wedding and you're proud of it. Good for you. Did you expect us to congratulate you? I'm sorry that you have been through so much lately but so have a lot of people. And they found ways to still properly host their weddings.
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Expert August 2018
Erica · on February 21, 2018 at 3:05 PM
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Take deep breathe and figure out your moves. Have the wedding of your dream. Just plan a little bit different. At the end of the day your marrying the love of your life.
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July 1993
WED18 · on February 21, 2018 at 3:08 PM
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"Neither of us has any desire what so ever to do a lame cake and punch reception"
Wow - thanks for dissing my wedding. But gee at least I didn't ask my friends and family to work and cook and possibly get food poisoning. I didn't get the big day I always dreamed of but I got the man of my dreams whom I will celebrate 25 years with this summer. But yeah, we're pretty lame.
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Super September 2019
An · on February 21, 2018 at 3:09 PM
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I can't afford to have the wedding I want with 200 people either, OP. I'm sorry you have been through a lot lately but 200 people is huge. Is your wedding free? What are you paying for besides the meat? Who is cooking it? I would think if anything you would be more concerned about the liabilities that come with a pot-luck for 200 given your recent accidents.
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Expert October 2018
AllieB25 · on February 21, 2018 at 3:11 PM
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Who is cheating you out of an experience? No one is entitled to their 'dream' wedding. I want to be sitting by a pool right now being fanned with palm leaves and being fed grapes, but those aren't my circumstances and I have to work. Do I feel cheated out of a palm-leaf-fanning-grape-feeding experience? No.
If you can't afford it, you can't have it. Those are just the basic rules of adulthood.
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Master May 2017
Mrs.Whooooo · on February 21, 2018 at 3:19 PM
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At the end of the day what’s more important? Marrying your FS or having a party?

Im sorry things have been rough, I really am. But maybe it’s time to start focusing on he bigger picture rather than all the things you “can’t have”
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Master April 2018
Powers2 · on February 21, 2018 at 3:23 PM
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Op I am sorry you have been through so much.

But it still stands that no one "deserves" a big wedding reception. It is a want. An understandable want, but you can not do this, it will be a disaster and it's really not cool to make your family buy you food.

I really, really want a nice big house with a fenced in yard. All of my friends have nice big houses and I am jealous. Does that mean I should illicit the help of all of the handy men and women I know to build me a house and buy me furniture because I feel like I am being denied the experience of living in a my own home? No, that would be crazy.

My apartment is small but keeps us warm and dry. A courthouse wedding is the same- small, but does the trick.
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Master April 2018
Powers2 · on February 21, 2018 at 3:24 PM
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It's 40.00 (give or take.)
Return one of the two dresses you purchased and use it towards a marriage licence.
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Devoted July 2018
Stephanie · on February 21, 2018 at 3:26 PM
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OP, I'm so sorry for the things you've had to deal with. I really am. But as pp's have said, you aren't entitled to a huge party. Also, you may think pps are being rude but talking down about other people's courthouse and cake and punch receptions is rude in itself. I understand we post on here for advice and sometimes you don't get the responses you hoped for but honestly, what was your question/the point of your post?
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Master June 2016
Sarah · on February 21, 2018 at 3:27 PM
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You think a cake and punch wedding is lame, you expect your guests to spend money on a sitter for the night, and then you also expect them to bring some of the food when that’s basically your only cost? No. Sorry. That’s ridiculous. A sitter for the night would cost me over $100 for my two kids. I better be getting a full meal not provided by the other guests.
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Devoted May 2018
FutureLadyH · on February 21, 2018 at 3:55 PM
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I too feel cheated out of a palm-leaf-fanning-grape-feeding experience!!! This comment wins Olympic gold in the wedding wire forum competition. Lol
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Beginner August 2018
Dwindling · on February 21, 2018 at 4:03 PM
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First off I didn't say anything about a courthouse wedding so that you can throw out. Here's why cake and punch are lame to me. 1. I'm severely hypoglycemic I don't do sugar period. Haven't in 20 years. FH is prediabetic despite his 175lbs so yeah lame cake and punch which neither of us could touch would be awesome. If someone was offended by that, like they are offered by anything I may have received cheap, gifted, discounted, free, etc.... Whose issue is that really? Did I individually go look for them? If they are comfortable and happy with their choice then no offense will be taken they will simply be like eh, her opinion, moving on. Offense only comes in when one is unhappy with the choice.
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