About to cancel over reception food. One unexpected expense after another...

I'm not going to rip you apart . I am going to suggest that we all have choices. You don't have to go into debt to have a wedding. You can choose to cut your guest list.

How many of those 200 people do you see on a day to day, or week to week basis? Are you inviting children? That would be an easy place to start cutting.

Normally when there's a thread like this, the OP just says "I can't do that" to every suggestion.

I don't think many people are going to endorse the idea of a potluck reception.

I'm sincerely glad that you are doing better now after all of those hardships, but it still doesn't justify a potluck reception. I would cut the guest list before asking my guests to provide food at my wedding...

Then go to the courthouse and get married?

you cant afford a wedding and dont want to wait. Having the guests bring the food and your family slave doing all these details is rude.

I'm sorry you have been through a lot. It really sucks when life gets in the way. However, you would probably be better off cutting your guest list until there is a number you can reasonably afford to host. Asking guests to come and bring food to a party you are throwing to thnak them for attending your ceremony is not only rude - its dangerous. Especially if someone gets sick from the potluck food.

You should only ever host the amount of people you can afford - if that means its just your children, parents, siblings and their significant well then that is sure to be a lovely and wonderful party!

Also, I am sorry about what you've gone through but no one is entitled to a wedding. Especially at their friends/family's expense.

Are you asking for someone to tell you this is a good idea, or...? Nobody here will tell you that. Nobody also suggests going into debt. Have the wedding you can afford. Friendors are generally a bad idea as well. Why not host a small ceremony and take your immediate family out for lunch or dinner? If you want to have a 200 person wedding, that costs money.

It's honestly your choice in using friends and family to provide services like florals, videography, photography, etc. for your wedding. At the end of the day, you just have to be able to live with your decision if things go wrong, people don't show up, something happens, etc. Food, however, is a totally different ball game because people can legitimately get sick if food is not cooked, stored, or left out properly. You're really playing with fire there, especially with 200 people, and YOU will be to blame if someone gets sick. Aside from the fact that asking your guests to contribute to YOUR hosted event is very tacky, this is why potluck weddings are so highly discouraged. I see where you're coming from and am very sorry you've had so many hardships, but I would very much consider trying to save at least for the food and having a professional totally take care of it.

200 people is excessive. cut back and give your guests a meal,

we got our guests list draft from 200 to 150 and it was hard, but it was our budget., every chair, table and dinner is money.

Yes unfortunately thats the option. Head to the courthouse.

Again, not everyone has a big wedding in the cards for them. Its unfortunate but it is what it is.

Look - life is hard but the fact is is that no one is entitled to throw a big fancy party. You throw the party you can afford and if that means your parent's siblings don't get invited well then they will understand.

So you have a small ceremony and take your immediate family only out to lunch and then continue to save and have a vow renewal and big fancy party at a later time. There is nothing wrong with that. At the end of the day you still get to marry your FH which is the most important part.

Agreed! OP, what kind of response or advice were you looking for? If all you want is validation you are likely not going to get it here. I'm sorry for everything you've gone through but, we all have struggles and find a way to make it work.

A few side dishes and some dessert will not be overly expensive. I'd recommend cutting your guest list down to a more manageable number to save money. If for whatever reason you do not want to do this (it will be possible no matter what you think) then your other option would be to consider cheaper main dish courses like roasted chicken and pulled pork (brisket and ribs can be pricey) and use that money to have a caterer do sides as well.

You may be saving money up front but, the costs if something goes wrong are astronomical. A potluck wedding (where you are not controlling the source of the food, the cleanliness of the kitchen or monitoring if things are being kept at a proper temperature) is a recipe for disaster. This is a liability nightmare and you will make your guests sick. It isn't worth it.

Other options include a courthouse wedding and a small reception with immediate family at a restaurant afterward.

Also, not sure what you have against cake and punch receptions. They are not "lame" as you say and are a great way to host your guests properly while maintaining your budget. I would much rather attend a properly hosted cake and punch reception then a potluck wedding where I risk getting ill.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been through so many difficult things! That sounds really hard, and I hope you will be able to have a nice wedding.

A few ideas: I see that you have three types of meat. Meat is usually the most expensive part of a meal. Can you only offer two types of meat instead of three, and use any money saved that would have gone to the third type of meat to purchase sides? Sides could be something like beans, pasta salad, and a simple salad or vegetable. What type of alcohol are you providing? I see that you mentioned a possible open bar. How about providing beer and wine only, maybe one cheap signature cocktail instead of a full bar?

Another option is (as others have said) to reduce the guest count. If you go from 200 to 100 or 150, that would have substantial savings, and would still qualify as a sizable wedding.

That said, what is considered acceptable varies a lot depending on location and social circle. I personally wouldn't mind bringing a dish if I was local (although I think it would be hard to travel with a dish or cook from a hotel if not local. I would try to think about what would be acceptable in your social circle. I hope it will work out for you!

You should TOTALLY make this a contest! You'll have 200 people making sides! Have them compete for the best side in each category! Make a facebook group for everyone to coordinate which side they'll make (mac and cheese, potato salad, veggie kababs, desserts, etc). That's probably too much food for just the bride and groom to judge so make a committee to judge!!! Best in each category gets an extra prize!!!

To make it fair make sure everyone knows how many servings to make, but don't set a price limit! You might get the awesome guests who makes you REAL truffle mac and cheese! What a treat that would be!

It sucks that you've been through so much, but it's kind of rude to act like a courthouse wedding isn't special. You aren't entitled to a big, glorified party. Getting married is a right, having a wedding is a privilege, and you would be far from the first person who didn't get the wedding of their dreams.