51/2 year relationship...no engagement yet

My FH and I were together for 5years before he proposed. I get where you are coming from. His position though was that he wanted me to have a stable job before we got engaged, which I get. And believe me it took me longer than I would have liked.

also it seems like because you have set this timeline of when you want thing to happen may have made him nervous and he feels he may loose some freedom if he asks you to marry him. I don't think that he doesn't want to marry you like some others have suggested, but he could just be taking this step very slowly because of its importance to him. I think nagging him doesn't, although one day my FH surprised me and decided to take me ring shopping.

talk to him about it if you can get him to have a serious conversation, I think he's just nervous.

I'll give you my take -

Hubby and I were together for 4.5 years living together the entire time. And he hadn't proposed yet. I asked a few times and never got an answer. Then...we split up. Not because I wouldn't wait (truth be told I was fine with never getting married if that was what he wanted - but he always said he wanted to get married) but because we had some huge issues between us that were a big elephant in the room and eventually they came to a head. That's the reason we split up, and that's the reason he wouldn't propose. There was too much uncertainty that these issues could be fixed and we weren't actively working on them and he wasn't sure it would work.

We were apart 6 weeks, spent the next 6 months working our issues out, got pregnant (on purpose) and got engaged. Once he felt secure it was all systems go. Our communication sucked before that, it's been great ever since. And I'm glad it happened that way, had we gotten married before the split, we may very well have divorced instead.

Really take a look at your relationship and see if there could be anything making him feel unsure about "forever" are things as good as they're going to get, or are there things you guys need to work on but keep putting off?

Btw I got engaged 1 month before our 6 year anniversary. Never bugged him about it. Just let it happen.

Pressuring someone into marrying you will not work out in the long run. You may be ready but he is not. Constantly throwing hints out and questioning him will not make it any better either.

I guess my unpopular opinion was actually popular!

Now that you have been together for 5 years and Christmas is coming up again, maybe hes waiting for this Christmas.

My FH is a car guy too and about a year ago he said he was saving up for new wheels. I know he wanted them for a long time and I was annoyed because he was always saying things like I cant wait to spend the rest of my life with you, start our family together, etc. and I just couldn't help but think if you REALLY wanted this stuff why wouldn't it be a priority? One night we got into a fight and I said something I never thought I would say, "if you want to get married so bad why are you saving up for wheels instead of a ring". I immediately felt bad and apologized and told him I know when he's ready he will (he also wants to be married and have kids by 30). A month later he proposed. Turns out the money he was saving for wheels WAS for a ring, but he knew since we already lived together and shared finances that I would catch on that money was missing.

You cannot pressure him into it. If this is really the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, be patient. If he is dragging his heels for another year or so, maybe it is time to move on.

You guys dont even have a real place together, zero real world relationship experience i.e paying all your own bills, no one else to rely on etc and you're only 25 geez give the boy a break enjoy your life. my fh and i were together for 8 years before we got engaged and it was totally out of the blue, we just enjoyed our relationship never set rules on when we wanted to even if we wanted to be wed and if we want kids or not. we let things naturally flow and im glad we waited. i enjoyed my twenties, we got a full experience under our belt and now the timing is right.

Sometimes I think questioning someone is actually a good idea. People aren't mind-readers, they deserve to know what you're thinking and feeling about a situation.

This doesn't mean I agree with constantly nagging someone though. But I think there is justification in saying "Hey, we've talked about marriage and you've said you don't have the money, yet you're buying car parts all the time. Have you changed your mind?" Because that's not just a lack of a ring; it's a lack of respect and a lack of priorities, because obviously OP and marriage are below buying parts for a car.

OP, why do you want to marry this man?

It just sounds like your at two different stages in your life. You want marriage and he wants to hang with the guys and play with cars. There's nothing wrong about it but you need to take a step back and ask yourself why you are both not ready at this point, why is it only you are? And even though I agree with the other girls that you do need to express how you feel to him, I don't believe that you should bug him about it anymore. You've voiced how you feel and he's heard you multiple times. If he's smart, he got the hint. Something is still holding him back and nagging will only make matters worse. After all, when he proposes to you don't you want to have peice of mind that you had no influence in pushing him to do it and that he wanted it all by himself? Make the decision for yourself if you are willing to wait for him to be at the same stage you are about marriage.

I dated my FH for 6 years before he proposed. I'm 26 now and he's 28. While I agree you should talk to him about it, I don't agree constantly bringing it up. While you want to marry him, the last thing you want to do is marry someone who isn't actually ready for marriage.

Ust be open and honest with him and ask why. My brother was totally always going to propose to his gf , but after 4 years she started getting antsy and unsure if they were on the same page. As his sister I knew he ust wanted to be financially stable enough to support her and a family and didn't want to get married before getting established. He did propose recently and they are planning for next year. He is 30, she is 28. Sometimes its a man thing, he is young and an open convo would be beneficial. I don't recommend ultimatums ever, or dating other people. If you agree there is no future, then leave peacfully and go find your husband. But pressuring and threatening is no way to get an engagement out of someone.

Thanks everyone

i try not to bring it up but sometimes he brings it up himself too like one day he told me at work the guys at is work was saying they want to be at his wedding and he said "yeah we are engaged to be engaged".

When we first started going out he seemed like he was pro marriage because when his sister got engaged he is like finally they been together for 3 years about time...then all of sudden he like weddings are just a piece of paper so i said to him then.."well why you with me if you don't want to marry me?"..and he said "relationships don't always have to end in marriage you can still want to be with someone without a ring/paper"....true but i always dreamt of a wedding since i was little. So should have taken clue then..but then he would say 5 years to get engaged then he be like marriage means nothing...he was like this until last year.

So im still confused on what he wants...i told him last month that im confused because its like i want a future and he doesn't and he like o my here we go again and that was it.

At same time...Im stuck myself..im terrified of pregnancy but at same time i want to marry him more then anything and would like to have his kid but im afraid of what could go wrong in pregnancy...so im stressing wether he is going to propose but at same time idk if i should since i don't know if i will have courage enough to get pregnant when its time, im that afraid. I know he wants kids and he told me we have to at least try.

would it be selfish to accept a proposal..knowing you might not want to try...i mean its about 3-4 years away for that so hopefully my mindset will change and i will won't be afraid but what if i can't then marriage will go to waste

oh and he did say last year when i asked him "why is he back and forth with marriage"...he like "well you back and forth with having kids with me" soo maybe he holding off because he is afraid i won't follow through with babies

For the love of God, please do NOT try to get pregnant. You should NEVER be trying to get pregnant when you don't even know where you stand in your relationship!

Honestly, it seems to me like you're not sure what his true feelings are for you, and it sort of seems like you just want to get married to get married and to have kids...not because it is really truly love. I think you need to step back from the situation and have a serious internal dialogue about WHY you are wanting to marry this guy.

Oh this is deeper, okay. First off getting pregnant scares the crap out of me too I am so not looking forward to giving up caffeine/nicotine/alcohol, but do you have a medical issue that may prevent or terminate a pregnancy that you're scared of or are you just not into the idea of pregnancy?

And I somehow missed the fact that you guys don't have your own place, I would DEFINITELY get that sorted out before you start worrying about marriage.

I agree with Future Mrs. Bauer, it def seems like you are unsure yourself about what you truly want. Like another poster suggested, move out live your life and figure things out for yourself. You second guessing wanting children with the person you "want" to marry doesn't add up.

Yeah im not trying to get pregnant believe me, im way to afraid. Im always having conversation and he swears we are on same page but at times i feel we are not even though we are...like he says one thing then something completely different :/

i don't im just tired of trying to figure us out...its just mess were are like confusing each other and i don't think i should be asking him same questions or else ill push him away

@LittleMiss, don't dream of weddings. A wedding is fun and it is exciting, and it is beautiful. But it is ONE DAY. Dream of a marriage.

If this guy doesn't see marriage in his future and you do, then I think there needs to be a re-evaluation. Bottom line - you are giving him everything he wants right now by living with him (and I assume by being intimate with him). He gets all the perks without any commitment. If you're okay with that, then great. But something tells me that you're not okay with it.

I'm confused.

I was dating my FH for just under 7 years before he proposed. We both knew by year 2 that we were going to get married, but school came first for him. I would bring it up, but never pressured him about it. When the proposal did happen, I still wasn't expecting it. I thought he was going to wait for at least another year or so. He was able to hide something from me, finally! Now we get the questions of "why are you waiting 2 years to get married?" My answer is "i've already waited 7, what's 2 more for him to finish ALL of his schooling?"

Your time will come. Don't rush it. Don't push for a ring. Remember-ultimatums don't always end in your favor.