3rd Wedding Attendance Issues

You said - Hearing the "I went to your OTHER one" I think is what hurts most of all. That to me is like saying, "I am not having dinner because I remember breakfast"

but food is required to stay alive, weddings aren't, so its not the same. its more along the lines of "i've been to this circus before, new lions, but same show"

i would probably skip a third wedding, but mainly base it off if the previous ones were any fun and how close we were. especially if it requires travel. plus 8 months out on top of that, would make me probably just smile & nod. it is rude to "rub it in" that its your third marriage but like others have said, it is probably more meant like, i support you, i've done it a lot, don't be bummed.

My wedding was the first for me and the third ceremony (but only 2nd wedding) for my Husband. He married really young and had a courthouse wedding the first time around and because she was form another country a few years later went and did a celebration/ceremony with her family. So this was his first (and his family's first) big white wedding. I understood though that he might have some family that wouldn't feel inclined to attend as maybe they felt like it wasn't needed for a 2nd wedding. I kinda think those that super love you will show up for any and all events even if they are rolling their eyes (which ya know at least in my family rolling of eyes and some less than warm and fuzzy comments isn't that far fetched despite us all loving each other a lot)...or if they can't it isn't a personal thing. I get why someone might say well at least I was at the other wedding because to them they have stood by your side on your speical day (but it just turns out your having more than 1 special day)....but I can also see what it all hurts your feelings and is rough on you. Life is a journey...sometimes we make awesome decisions and awesome things happen and sometimes life is just rough. I am sorry your having a rougher time of it but at least hopefully this marriage will lead to a happily ever after for you.

It's my second, his first. If it were totally up to me, I would have skipped the big party and had something tiny and heartfelt. But his family has never been to his wedding and would have been very disappointed. I wanted to make things as easy as I possibly could for the people who had attended my wedding 9 years ago. Luckily, I live in the city I was born in, so no one on my side has to travel since I purposefully booked a place not far from where most of us live (like, 15 minutes not far) FH wanted a short, sweet ceremony, which is perfect. We're doing the ceremony with family only followed by a "grand entrance" to the stylish but laid-back reception with good food a drinks. No wedding party. No gifts. No showers (I'm a stickler on this one, even for 2nd babies). No stag parties. No bouquet toss. Basically no obligations for anyone except to dress nice and come to a big party close to home, which my friends love to do anyway. The only one who I'm asking for anything is my best friend of 22 years who I'm forcing at gunpoint to help do DIY set-up. But she's like my sister, held my hand through my divorce, and would help me whether it was my first wedding or my 50th. I guess my point is that the easier you make it on your guests, and the clearer it is that they won't have to sit through the awkwardness of a bunch of pomp an circumstance for the 3rd time, the better. It's a pretty well-known statistic that 3rd marriages have a 73% divorce rate, and while I don't know the tone that people are declining with, they are likely reacting to that. Good luck!

I would not go out of my way for anyone's third wedding. Sorry.

I'm going to agree with Snarky here, but then again I always refused to date anyone who had already been married twice, but that's just me-never wanted to be #3.

Wow... I'm really kinda shocked. Somehow it seems like the number three has everyone all up in arms. I lost count of how many Brides on here have been previously married but somehow, being twice previously married means you should no longer celebrate love or two people making vows two be together the way any other Bride may want to? That seems ridiculous. Unless we all know firsthand that the first marriages were taken casually and then tossed out when they became tiresome, how can we judge whether they finally met their One?

OP- I'm sorry you are getting such judgmental comments from your family and friends. I've watched my mother get married 4 times (teen pregnancy shotgun wedding, spouse abuser, husband unfaithful and then finally a good man for those keeping track) and went through something very similar with her. My only hope is that as the wedding draws closer they will realize how happy you are and want to be part of celebrating that joy.

Tania, sounds like my mom. She's been married five times: abusive asshole, cheater (my dad), stepdad #1/abusive cheating asshole, stepdad #2/my "real" stepdad (who was awesome, but he passed away in 2003), and then stepdad #3/her dickhead last husband (also an abusive asshole).

Her picker is broken, she only gets it right 20% of the time. It's no surprise I waited until I was positive and in my 30s.

I told my mother she wasn't allowed to get married anymore. Now she's living with a guy she doesn't even really like. He's alright, but kind of a bozo.

Tania... I'm with you. Sometimes shit happens; not everyone meets the right one before life gets in the way. I was young and stupid my first time and was really only married a few months. FH knocked up his XW a couple months after he met her and thought he was doing the right thing, then proceeded to spend nearly 20 years in an absolute hell of a loveless marriage. It pisses me the fuck off when people tell me this wedding isn't as important as a first wedding. We made mistakes. It happens. We're where we want to be now; can't you just be happy for us instead of tsk-tsking over it being a 2nd wedding? We're not having showers or bachelor(ette) parties, but damnit I'm wearing white, having BMs and throwing a big party.

It is so rude to say something like that to you, or behind your back.

just shrug them off. less money you're spending on them and hey, it's good to know how they feel right? it must be nice living in Perfect World and come down every so often to greet the rabble.

I don't know....somewhere you have to draw the line at how many big fancy weddings you get to have. Of course, it's very dependent on the situation.....but still....

Well, i think people can have as many big, lavish to do's as they want, and as guests we are not obligated to go. If a friend came to me at her third wedding and said she was going all out (again) and asked me to help with a shower - even if i hadn't gone to the the first two, or four, or ten) I'd raise an eyebrow and probably ask her if she had considered the consequences of looking like a gift grabby four year old.

the OP isn't saying anything like that though. they're having a small wedding, it's his first. Dunno. I'm oversensitive to just about everything this week so I could be wrong

I know its different but reading the comments is almost like the comments when someone does a courthouse paper work signing then wants to throw a big wedding. its the same kind of backlash for the bride, even with the guy being different. if "you only get one wedding" in that situation, why is it any different for follow up weddings? i have an older friend that married a guy, after 6 years they divorced and after almost 10 years apart they reconnected and are getting remarried. i can only imagine how that if viewed by the masses.

It also reminded me of a thread a while back about baby showers for a 2nd baby and how so many people think the idea is horrid. "you've already had a baby" "unless its for new gender specific clothing you don't get one" etc.

Just to clear up any misconceptions

My first wedding was Oh shit, Im pregnant, we got married ata jp, no fluff, three years later divorced cuz he was abusive.

2nd wedding, still small, Mormon wedding (not Mormon anymore) and had to be done a certain way. I really didnt have much say. WE paid for everything and it costs $200 because the reception was in the church hall. I didn't register for gifts, my family hated him and my mom on myewdding todl me "I hope it lasts" even though it DID last TEN YEARS the wedding day was a mess. It was raining, I lived in Cali at that time. All my ushers left to go help their families sandbag so their houses didn't fall off a cliff. I was soaked by the time I got there and had to redo everything. It was potluck, no flair. and I did NOT have a bridal shower. Yes we got some gifts and I properly thanksed everyone.

However, that wedding as well as the marriage was awful. For SO many reasons.

I have been single a long time and this man loves me for me. Accepts me for e. I am having it in Wisconsin for his family. I had hoped my family would come. At least my MOTHER, but now prolly not.

I KNOW they aren't saying it BECAUSE it is my third wedding. They are saying they can't go for one valid reason or another. But then, shush. Leave it at that. DON"T tack on "I went to the other one"

Their reason and that reason have nothing to do with other and I feel like they slapped me in the face.

All I was saying is I was wondering if other brides have this issue. I didn't know if this is just to be expected, which by the sounds of it, yes, others ARE hearing similar.

No matter whether someone "means to" hurt us by their words, sometimes they do and sadly weddings and special events seem to bring that out in people

That sucks. It's so rude to say something like that.

Obviously the people saying that are being insensitive and I realize it hurts. All you can do is accept that they're not coming and enjoy yourself anyway.

One of my closest friends didn't come to my wedding. I was really hurt; I still am. She claims it was a money issue and I do know money is tight for her. But that doesn't make it hurt less and I think of her differently than I did before. I can't help it. She didn't even send a card and then on Facebook a day after the wedding sent me a PM asking me for pictures. We were exhausted and packing for the honeymoon. I resented the urgency of her request; it was weird.

Bottom line: people disappoint us with words and actions, and sometimes it's when we need them most. It hurts but if you focus on the good stuff, you'll have a great time anyway.

I hope your wedding is everything you want it to be. I really do. Best wishes.

@LivelyBride, I don't think it was weird your friend requested your wedding pictures the day after at all. She was probably feeling guilty that she didn't make it to your wedding and was trying to show her excitement by asking for pictures. As for the urgency, no one said you have to send them right away. You said you knew money is tight for her but yet you still "think of her differently" so it sound like it doesn't matter if she ask you one month (or insert whatever time lapse you think appropriate) after your wedding, you would had still resent her. IMHO I think by her asking one day after your wedding shows more excitement than waiting weeks later.

If there's free booze I'd show up. Who doesn't like getting dressed up and partying a little?

^Part of the problem is her family would need to travel so it is not that convenient to just show up.

Hence why I said "I'd show up". As in... Me. Personally.