3rd Wedding Attendance Issues

I know! I haven't even sent out invitations yet! That is what is funny! It is fammily saying this but my friends are more my family than my family. It is a small wedding, however it be themed War and Swing Era (I am a PinUP Model) and it is at a lighthouse. We are paying for everything for the most part so it just makes it more interesting they would say that.

I know they aren't saying BECAUSE it is my third, yet they do feel like they have to tack on the phrase.

For the *B*, your issue is different, and understandable. I would tell my sister to go fly a kite if that was her problem.

Understand I am SAD these people can't go, I am HURT by the words. I own my own business so I do have a thick skin, but it still stings a bit when a spider or bee bite ya, ya know Thanks again everyone for your comments!

We are both getting married for the second time, after 12 years together. There has been a lack of excitement. That is not our problem. WE are excited and that, ultimately, is what matters most.

Honestly....FH and I kinda backed out a friend's third wedding (his first also)...third time around just made it feel like a broken record.

I was at her first two weddings, and both times were the same bridesmaids...this last time she cut her bridal party in half, but two of them had stood up in the other weddings. I did go to her bachelorette party but skipped out on her shower (she had just had one 3 years before!)

Honestly....FH and I kinda backed out a friend's third wedding (his first also)...third time around just made it feel like a broken record.

I was at her first two weddings, and both times were the same bridesmaids...this last time she cut her bridal party in half, but two of them had stood up in the other weddings. I did go to her bachelorette party but skipped out on her shower (she had just had one 3 years before!)

Two bridal showers in three years? She should have rethought that one...

This is both of our 2nd marriage my first one was 24 years ago and it was small and he just got married in Vegas last time so we decided to have a large wedding, just a quick ceremony and then a large party afterwards. We were concerned that a lot of our friends and family would have the same reaction so we have let everyone know we aren't doing any bachelor parties or showers we just want everyone to come and party with us at the reception. For a third wedding I would say definitely cut out the extra parties and try to understand that people are going to feel that way and don't take it personal and don't let it ruin your day. The most important people are showing up you and your groom that's the only two that matter.

A close friend of >25 years, asked me last year if I would be a BM in her wedding. I declined due to the fact I stood with her at her 1st 2 weddings and was a guest at the 3rd. We declined the upcoming based solely on the fact she is having another big wedding.

Her 4th wedding? Dayum.

When I was previously engaged years ago, we went to his aunts 5th wedding. Yes, I said 5th. I think that a lot of people that went to that wedding thought it was more of a joke than anything else. People were even taking bets to see how long it would last.

I read through the comments and just have one thing to add. I do not agree with having a shower for 2nd, 3rd, etc weddings. You get a shower to set up your household. You mentioned you "may not" have a shower. I would advise you against having one. It would really come off as gift grabby. You already had at least one shower (more than likely you had two...) where you received gifts to set up a house.

Honestly, I wouldn't go either (especially if I had gone to your 1st and 2nd already). For some, 3rd times a charm I guess, but I wouldn't feel the need to be there as much. Hope it all works out for you and that the people that need to be there will be.

Well, let me put it into my sister's words before my brother's 2ND wedding (she was close to not making it), "Oh, I'll just catch the next one."

I'm not saying this is what people are necessarily thinking about you, but some people may not see the reason to go since they've already been to your previous weddings, and they could just be judgmental d-bags.

Would I go to a 3rd wedding after having gone to their other weddings? Probably not because it would be hard for me to take that person seriously at that point, but that's JUST ME.

A close family member or friend would be the exceptions.

Chances are people aren't trying to be offensive when they say they can't make it but did go to your last 1(2). If you weren't family, I wouldn't go to a 3rd wedding either. I'd send a card with my best wishes.

I understand why you're hurt. It is both dismissive and hurtful to not only say they won't come, but make it sound like you have already received your allotted amount of support for your marriages and shouldn’t expect them to care anymore. If they were having babies, would it be acceptable to tell them you don’t need to go meet this new baby, since you already met the others? Of course not.

But you know what? People can be jerks. And weddings (for whatever reason) really bring out the worst in people.

No matter their excuse the comment is hurtful. Screw them and know that your true friends and family will be there whether it's the first or the seventh time!

Sorry, but I wouldn't attend a third wedding if I had already attended the first two. It's just too much as a guest and, frankly, I wouldn't have much confidence that this wedding would end up any differently than the first two. But I would wait for an invitation and rsvp like a proper guest. I wouldn't say anything 8 months before your wedding, when you hadn't even sent invitations.

I don't think Rev. Vikki's comparison of having three babies and having three weddings is quite the same thing

I can honestly see both sides. They were rude and I can see exactly why you were hurt. Nobody plans to get married 3x (or however many!). On the other hand it would be easy to question whether it'll last with multiple marriages because unless it's a separation due to death/abuse etc it won't turn out any better the 2nd/3rd/4th time unless the person looks deep down inside to understand why it didn't work and make the changes necessary. Of course, I would never say this to anyone.

If I didn't have to travel, I would probably attend the multiple marriage and try to be as supportive as possible - I don't make a habit of outwardly judging people. I agree though that it might seem grabby to have a shower again. (unless it's been a REALLY long time/life circumstances are extremely different/different groups of people who weren't around in your previous marraiges, etc).

I think this is a very common problem for brides after they have had multiple marriages. I personally believe it's no ones place to judge your relationships but alas some people will anyways. The people who really care about you will make it if they can. Just remember that this is a day for you and your future husband not anyone else.

I'll be honest: I wouldn't attend a third wedding, except for special circumstances. It's not because I am necessarily judging (although I guess I am...), but people go to weddings to see a union and hear what are meant to be unbreakable vows, til death do you part. I think the American culture is very jaded when it comes to unions now, because the divorce rate has been so high for so long.

I think (hopefully) everyone goes into a marriage, thinking that person is their One and very few ever expect to get divorced when saying their vows. But it's hard, as a guest, to take someone seriously when they are getting married for a third time (barring special exceptions like abuse or death). It's not that the third-timer is a bad person, but if you say one thing and do the opposite several times, people start to think you don't really mean it.

That said, just shrug it off and go marry your person. At the end of the day, that's what really matters.