3rd Wedding Attendance Issues

I think a lot of people feel that they bought you gifts and spent the money on your "other weddings" that they dint want to do it again for another. I would assume the others you thought would last forever as well? I would just go with the people that want to come and enjoy your day!

I'm sorry you're going through this, unfortunately i think it's natural. My FH was married before and his brother was a GM the first time and will be a GM again. He is inviting less people than I am, mostly because his family is smaller but also because he lost touch with a lot of people through the course of his first marriage. Do you have siblings or cousins you're close to who will stand up with you? Best of luck!

I say don't worry about it right now. You still have got plenty of time. People may change their minds on coming. Still send them invites as you normally would. Don't sweat them not attending.

I am sorry-- that must really hurt.

I guess it depends on how close in time these other weddings were. Not saying it's right, but if they're all really close in time, I can see why you would get that response.

I'm on my second wedding, his first, and I haven't run into people saying such things, but my weddings have been 10 years apart.

I think the etiquette is the same for any other wedding. If they can make it and want to be there then they should RSVP in a timely manor and say they are coming. If not then they let you know they can't come. It's weird your wedding is 8 months away and they are saying they can't come. To me that is more that they don't take a third wedding seriously. You can't really blame them for feeling that way if they already spent time and money on your other weddings. I would not make an effort to go to someones third wedding unless it was like my brother or an extremely close friend and even then i would think it was a little extreme. You don't want people that don't support you there and people that don't support you don't want to be there so it's for the best they politely let you know they won't be attending.

Hello Date Twin!! How I would handle it would be by just saying "ok". If they don't want to be there then sucks to be them. I'm not the type of person to ask questions, i just said ok, shrug my shoulders and move on.....

I have been divorced since 2007, I was married for ten years with that man. (Funny they didn't think he would last but more people came to that) That was a special religious ceremony and this wedding is more "the wedding of my dreams" kinda thing. We are going to Wisconsin because most of his family is there anyway and I am really doing it more for him.

We didn't have a lot of gifts or things and actually on this wedding I left it up to people. Being so far away location wise ( I am in DSM they are in Wisconsin) I may not even have a Bridal Shower, so it is not like I am asking for gifts and such. I would prefer their presence over presents

It is SO far away but my step father is having health issues and my sisters can't afford it. It sucks not being able to have my mom and dad there (my bio father passed when was ten) but I do understand. Hearing the "I went to your OTHER one" I think is what hurts most of all. That to me is like saying, "I am not having dinner because I remember breakfast"

My thought is like you said "Stills end invites, if they check no, then they do" Move along and have a great wedding, which I know we will have.

Doesn't stop it from hurting and doesn't make it easier.

Thanks for your input!

So it sounds like people are saying, "I can't make it, but if it makes you feel any better, I did make your other weddings." It sounds like that isn't the reason they're not coming.

I hear you, though, I had a destination wedding the first time and the people (family) who took the time and money to come to that one are not coming to this one which costs less and is closer. I don't get it, but whatever, their loss lol.

Do people have to travel for your wedding? If your sisters can't afford it and it's a health issue for your step father, then it doesn't sound like it's actually related to the fact that it's your third wedding. But I agree with other people--you still have a long time before your wedding. Things may change. Could you afford to help your sisters pay for the travel if that's the issue?

But the fact that anyone would say "I can't come, but I went to your other wedding" is ridiculous. I'm sorry people are saying that!

I would ignore it. I would never say that to someone's face. That's rude, in my opinion. Things happen and people get divorced. But I wouldn't let it hurt you. Just ignore them.

Thanks

This is my first wedding, however FH cousin has been married 3 times and is in her late 20s. I think for the second wedding they had a wedding, but the 3rd was just a destination wedding. Honestly, if FH and I didn't work out for some reason and I were to get married a second time I wouldn't have a full blown wedding again. If I would haven't something with very close friends/family I would have something really small (which is seems like you are) or just do a destination wedding where it would just be a few family.

Everyone has their own tolerance level for certain things. Most people might understand a second wedding, but a big third or forth wedding is just too much in their minds. It might hurt, and understandably, but you can't force anyone to attend or support you on your big day.

This will be my first wedding. My only sister has declined my request for her to be my maid of honor and is even saying she doesn't want to attend my wedding at all because I haven't given into her ridiculous demands, like bringing her dog and wearing pants instead of a dress. Can't change people. They will do what they will do.

Who is saying this you? Third weddings can be different from second weddings, and it's probably wiser to scale back guest expectations. People who were at the first and second weddings can be judgmental about a third wedding, and while you can't stop them from feeling the way they feel, you can decide that you are not going to let it upset you. I think your immediate family should want to share this day with you, but if there is illness or financial hardship, there isn't much that can be done unless you're willing to help your sister with the costs of attending the wedding. Try to focus on the fact that you have found your soul mate and go on with your planning.

I'm gonna play the b*tch here and say I probably wouldn't go to someone's third wedding. There are very few situations I can think of where I would *want* to go, especially if I have to travel for it.

Are you sure people don't want to come bc it's your third? It sounds to me like travel might be involved and as such, I would be more inclined to say no to the travel costs for a wedding that was small and less traditional than I would for a large full out wedding

DSM huh? There aren't many Iowa girls around here!

I totally get why you're bothered. This will be a second wedding for both FH and I, and while we haven't had people saying they won't attend because it's not our first wedding, I've gotten a lot of really offensive comments ("it's just a second wedding..."). I think in general, people suck and often don't think before they speak. I don't think there is any way to handle it, other than just letting it go. Have the wedding that you and your FH want, and don't worry about others' offhand comments.

They might be saying that because it's December and your wedding is in August and they have no idea what they will be doing in August yet.

But, if there's travel involved, they may also already know it won't be in the budget and are letting you know now. I'm sure you'll have a lovely wedding regardless!

@Snarky I can see where you're coming from I agree, I suppose if the person was a widow/widower it throws a different light on things. Or a 2nd marriage where everyone knows you deserve a 2nd go at happiness. If I had an invite to a 3rd wedding, I suppose I would only go if I had nothing better to do, but I wouldn't put myself out to attend. That being said only you know what you share with your FH. so I say good luck and happy planning.