3rd Wedding Attendance Issues

I need to speak on behalf of all the "rude" people and share the guest's view on these kind of situations. I was a guest and I said something very similarly to a bride. The bride was my second cousin who I will called "Betsy" in this case. Betsy was dating a man 30 years older than her. Betsy actually kept her relationship a secret from me for years which I really can't blame her since I would probably do the same in her situation. She finally told me about her relationship and six months later she gave me a call that she was getting married. I congratulated her and asked her when is the wedding. She responded with "It is in a week". I was like WTF. It turned out she has been engaged for about 6-7 months already but hadn't gotten around to telling me. THAT I would not have done.

At the time, I was at my first semester back as a full time student. I hadn't been in school full time for years and it was a big adjustment for me. I am the nervous studious type that needs lots of time to study. Her wedding was in October, I had midterms coming up and really needed to prepare. But instead I dropped everything for her. I traveled seven hours to where she lives which is approximately one hour away further from where her wedding is taking place. In summary, I spent 16 hours roundtrip traveling and spent three days away from my studying for her wedding. This was her first wedding and third for the guy. None of his family members with the exception of his kids and grandkids made it to this intimate wedding. The plan was to have a more formal and bigger wedding five months later at his family reunion. So a second wedding but to the same guy was being planned.

Betsy said I was invited to both but only need to come to one. I went to the one in October already and was planning to come to the March wedding. Come January, still no word on the exact day of her second wedding. I kept asking her so I can plan accordingly because I don't want a repeat of the short notice with her first wedding. Originally her approximate date was going to be during my spring break. When she got back to me it was 1.5 month notice. Her second wedding was going to be on a WEDNESDAY of my midterm week. Betsy explained how she couldn't do it on a Saturday or Sunday because since it was her husband family reunion, they were also celebrating someone 50th anniversary on a Saturday and lots of birthdays throughout the week. Sunday is travel day for the family members to return back to their respective homes throughout the country. So Wednesday is her only option. I understood she had to settled and had hoped she would have more understanding for my situation. I can not afford to make a 20 hours roundtrip during my midterm week to come to her second wedding to the same guy. Instead of saying she understood, she just kept silence like I stabbed her in the heart. I understand she is hurt but give me a freaking break having these short notice weddings at the most busiest times for me and at 16-20 hours roundtrip from me.

So I politely reminded her how I cared about her and supported her by saying: "I am sorry I can't attend but I am so happy I made it to your other wedding and shared that wonderful memory with you." I don't think it is rude at all and it wasn't meant as a jab toward her in the least bit. But seriously she seem to have forgotten I dropped everything for her not that long ago. My grades cannot take another hit. IMO, it was rude of her trying to make me feel guilty for not attending her second wedding to the SAME GUY five months later.

Nope! I have all new people in my life than before, and the ones who aren't new, recognize it is a whole new ballgame

I'm sorry, but I believe people really only make a bug deal of your first wedding, and of course there 're some special circumstances...but I think people end up just going to the court house or destination after the first. So sorry this is your experience.

I'm a little late to this post, however because it is at the top of the feed, I have SO much to add!! I just went through this with my sister in California. She just married for a 3rd time in, but a very small ceremony on the beach with her church. There were no invites, just her congregation. I wouldn't have gone if she did send out invites, I am in Boston AND it is her 3rd marriage. In fact, the way she announced to me that she was getting married again was "well, 3rd time's the charm, I am getting married, even though we don't get along." Huh?? Its things like that make me scream - when people take marriage so lightly. Now, I am NOT saying this is what you are doing. At all!! My aunt who also resides in Massachusetts asked me why I never mentioned my sister got married ... I said, "Oh, its because I forgot" - it just seemed that insignificant to me that I truly forgot to tell my aunt! I wish my sister the best, and a forever loving marriage this time around, but honestly, it really felt insignificant. At least she didn't make a big hoopla about it with a big wedding, and her other 2 were courthouse marriages - so, she never did have "the big wedding" and she has done it 3 times! If I got an invitation for a 3rd marriage that I have gone to the prior 2 weddings, I might go depending on whether or not I was busy that time of the year, I certainly wouldn't move heaven and earth like I would for a 1st wedding. I think a 3rd marriage should be small with closest friends and immediate family. Just my opinion.

Also, like so many said, weddings bring out the rudeness in people. Nobody should make those comments to you. If they can't or don't want to go, they should politely decline on their invitations. End of story. And for the record? I get snarky remarks because I am an older first time bride ... I will be 48 - it is also a first marriage for FH. A first marriage and I have heard comments like "Oh you are going to wear a traditional gown?" like they are surprised because I am SO OLD and WAITED SO LONG to get married that I don't deserve to wear a traditional gown? Or that we should just have a small celebration because we are older now. WTF? I've never done this, I deserve this, and waited a very long time. Then I got a rude comment from an uncle when I announced I was getting married. No congratulations ... just that his newlywed son (married just under a year) was already getting a divorce. Pffffff .... people are just rude there are not two ways about it. Older 1st time brides, brides with babies from prior relationships, 2nd, 3rd marriages ... someone will always have something to say. I've learned to grow some tough skin just during wedding planning. In the end, I don't care who comes to my wedding anymore (this was a source of great stress for me in the beginning) because my FH, me and the closest people who love us and believe in us will be there with us, that is all that counts. The other people who choose not to go, well, that is their loss if they don't want to join in the celebration. Just do your planning and be happy with FH. Choose a place that isn't too large. I am a first time wedding, and knowing that I am older, and people have their opinions, I chose a smaller venue (up to 123 and that is a tight fit, we are aiming for 80 ppl when all is said and done, we would be thrilled if we had 75-80 ppl in attendance) just because of our circumstances, we aren't young, a lot of family has since passed on, as time goes on, families stray ... things like that. I wish you the best.

I don't understand these posts about "backlash" or people being "up in arms" in this post. Umm no one is saying the OP (or anyone else) should not have another wedding! No one is saying you only GET one wedding. She is welcome to do whatever she wants, including a huge wedding in a big poofy white ball gown for her third marriage. It's her event and she has every right to celebrate how she wants. But a wedding invitation is just that, an invitation. It is not a summons. If people who have already attended her first two weddings don't feel the need to attend a third for whatever reason, that is their right. They shoudn't be rude about though, simply decline the rsvp. But I think the couple in the type of situation HAS to expect and understand that not everyone will want to attend the same person's wedding for a third time. It is simply not going to carry the same level of excitement and interest as a first marriage, and wedding fatigue will set in for people who've attended the first two. That is just reality. You can't control people's emotions.

I'm sorry but having a wedding for a 3rd marriage is RIDICULOUS!!! You get ONE wedding. AND it's ridiculous, selfish and rude to expect people to get you a gift for the 3rd marriage.