Wedding Pay & Planning, How did you ask your parents?

Basically we decided to have the wedding we could afford if we had ot pay for it on our own, and then if we got help, great, and if not, no big deal. Both our parents brought it up, and we told them we appreciate any help offered but it is not expected. To date, neither has contributed but both have said they intend to without specifying an amount, so we haven't adjusted our budget and we dont intend to. If they both help, great, more money for the down payment on our house.

I have a friend who was sure his parents were paying half, so they planned a $40K wedding (they could afford $20K) and then his parents backed out and they were in trouble.

You don't. You tell them you're getting married and let the news sink in. Then they think about it and either offer you money or not. Then you plan what you can afford AFTER you see the checks.

I agree with L&G. My parents asked about our budget after we told them we were getting married and we told them the amount that we could afford. It was a good way of letting them know where we were at financially and then letting them think about whether or not they wanted to contribute. Including them in the planning if they contribute is great too.

I would not ask like others have said but i know my FIL asked what our budget was and offered us some. my mom straight up said what they could offer us.

i think that its a good plan to go like you arent going to be getting any money from them and plan what you can afford.

Maybe eventually if they ask how much you are spending

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I just dropped the bomb on my dad...he said make a budget and I'll approve/deny it...Welp, it was approved!

Thanks, What all of you have said is exactly how were going about it. I feel bad telling them about the plans (venue, dress, etc), but I don't want them to feel excluded. I feel there is already a level of exclusion since were getting married in my fiance's hometown. Is there something I could say or do to break the ice? because my MOH/BMs live in 6 diff states, so I am alone out here doing all the planning (minus the FH... lol). thank God for WW or I wouldn't know who to call.

@Emma&Aaron sorry if I beating a dead horse, I didn't read any forums on this topic in the past 2 weeks I've been on WW.

Why do you need to break the ice? Tell them what you're planning, and your parents will be as involved as they want to be. Not all parents are super involved in the planning.

We're getting married in my hometown, and we're paying for (almost) all of it (my mom is contributing about 15% of our budget). I was worried FH's parents would feel left out. They always ask about the wedding plans, and I tell them what I've done, but that's the extent of it. And that's all they want. There's nothing wrong with that. If they wanted more, they could be more involved, but you can't push it on people.

I said "we want to start planning, and I wanted to know if you guys were wanting to contribute anything? No worries either way, we are just figuring out our budget".

But I also have a VERY good relationship with my parents. And money. Especially money from my parents. So they knew it was simply a logical question, not a plea for money from their adult child.

We didn't ask for anything, They volunteered as the planning went on and we graciously accepted. We are blessed.

I think you are totally in the right to find out if they can/want to contribute financially. these are your parents and it's your wedding. we're not talking about bringing up salaries at a dinner party of strangers here. This is one time when you should talk about money. BUT you never want to sound greedy or ungrateful. Early on after your engagement you should tell them you are excited to plan and hope they will be involved. Tell them what you think you and your FH can afford and say 'anything you can contribute would be really helpful and appreciated. with that type of request, you are more likely to maybe get $500 minimum because they feel proud to help even if they don't have a lot. if you don't ask at all you may get nothing at best, confusion and resentment down the line at worst. when it comes to planning a wedding it's best to be open and honest with family and bridal party from the beginning. I wish I had involved my mom and sisters more in the planning. it just didn't occur to me until half way through.

I didn't ask, they offered. I have a hard time saying "give me 2k" so I told them what we had left to pay and allowed them to pick what they wanted to offer.

We planned our wedding that we could afford. A few things our parents stepped in and said that they'd cover X cost. You really shouldn't be asking if they are going to contribute.

I flat out asked them if they were going to contribute anything as that would be the difference between having a DW or local wedding. They gave me a figure and thats what we used. I hold no pretenses with mom and have no problem being blunt and honest with her.

My parents randomly handed me a check one day for 9%. That was their contribution and my mom said she would give more after the their vacation in the fall (this was last spring). That money has yet to appear. Two more vacations have been booked and had in the time since then. Recently my mother informed my sister she was planning to give me half of what she originally stated she would in the spring "in March"; we will be paid in full by then so even if the money appears it wasn't helpful to us during planning and I'm glad I didn't count it into the budget, or it would have come out of our pockets.

My advice is if they want to contribute, they will, no need to ask. And do not count on anything until it is in the bank and cleared.

Keep in mind that money very often comes with conditions...

Celia that is a good point too

I wouldn't ask and I wouldn't worry about them feeling excluded. Ask the moms to come dress shopping if you'd like and ask for help picking between centerpieces if you'd like. Just plan the wedding you guys can afford. If they volunteer money along the way, great, less out of your pocket. If they give you an extra-big wedding gift, more money towards a house or vacation.

After we got engaged they said they would help and contribute. After a few weeks when we were planning, I asked them how much they were contributing and went from there.