Planning in case of divorce?

To me, its the harsh reality. it CAN happen. I bought my house, in my name, just in case something happened between FH and I. I made sure I could make a payment and live on my own. I still love my FH to death and WANT things to work out, but I'm sure you've heard, you don't always get what you want

Are you talking about pre-nups and securing assets each person had before the wedding?

I think you are wrong in your thinking that it is wrong for people to think that divorce is a possibility. Of course it is and they can get nasty and ugly, and for those reasons I am completely supportive of a man and woman securing their own assets and prevent anything they can from happening which could result in the loss of something a person worked very hard to get. Your statement that someone shouldn't get married if they feel divorce is a possibility is pretty naive.

We plan to keep our personal accounts and open a joint account for bills, etc. The house we live in, I own and have for 15 years (long before he was around, and paid it off 2 months after he moved in). We are looking into moving soon, and the equity from the house will go towards a new home, probably with a written agreement of the amount I placed in the house should things end divorce I get x amount from the sale. Since my father passed, I will be getting a significant chunk of money and it will be kept in personal finances for now. He, my brother and my cousin had very nasty divorces with people who were financial idiots. All 3 were left with thousands of dollars of debt. While we think we are forever, reality may prove otherwise. In our 40's we have experiences that younger folks may not have, and that affects many decisions.

I don't know a single person "planning a divorce." What on earth on you talking about?

I don't think I'm naive. I know the statistics. I am aware that divorce rates peaked in the 90s and are falling also. I am not talking prenuptial agreements or securing of assets, that's not on the table for FH and I as we have little individually but have built everything together, but may for different folks. I do think that divorce is too accepted in society. That it's assumed marriage will end in divorce. And I also feel that in planning for the possibility as you plan your wedding you aren't really initiate for better or worse. Having plans for a way out makes it way to easy to take that way out. It's my opinion. I guess I'm alone in that way of thinking. I can't live without my FH so planning for divorce would be impossible for me.

Yeah...who is planning a wedding and divorce simultaneously?

I am being realistic. I love my husband, and plan to be with him forever. However, I also have a child that I am responsible for. To say that I couldn't live without him is a little co-dependant and crazy to me. I can absolutely live if something happened. Would I want to, hell no. But my life didn't start with him and wont end with him. I dont put that much power in ANYONE.

I think its important to be realistic and recognize that nobody gets married thinking they will get divorced, yet 50% of marriages do end in divorce. I can't predict that something wouldn't happen, that one of us might change. I truly hope that it wont, but I think having the hard conversations to make sure you as an individual are protected are sometimes necessary. I think its naive to say "I will never get divorced" because I'm sure every person who is divorced though the same thing when they got married. I just want to make sure we've had some of those hard conversations, and having them actually makes me feel more confident because I know we have good communication, even when the topic isn't something either of us likes to consider.

What the hell are you talking about? It just reads like a bunch of gibberish and makes no sense

No I'm just refering to the # of post I see where there's "I'm doing _____ in case of divorce". I don't believe in planning for divorce. I don't believe in it ever being an option I'm willing to consider. When I did while I was engaged I realized there were bigger problems causing me to say it and called off the wedding. I believe if you give yourself a backup plan when things get tough you'll use it instead of working through it.

"Until death do us part."

I'm with you... I'm going into my marriage with the firm belief that I will be with this man forever. That's what marriage is; there is no point in getting married if you don't believe with everything you have that you will be with this person until the end. To me, marriage is a religious promise before God that I will be with my FH forever.

Well good luck to you.

Ok...more power to ya, but I can't fault anyone making sure their ducks are all in a row...the real world isn't all sunshine and lollipops and I am a firm believer in protecting Number One, because in doing so allows Number One to be able to have the means to take care of a husband and/or kids should anything bad happen

You are 100% naive in saying that. No one plans for divorce before the marriage. But the people who are "too accepting of divorce" as you said are those who say "Yeah, if 10 years down the road my husband turns into a serial killer, I will divorce him."

You sound like my sister (who, when she was a teen would sleep around with 40 year old married men with children) after she switched to being ultra religious to be with this guy she doesn't like. He is SUPER religious and said divorce is never an option (he was 30 when he met my sister and before his divorce was finalized, slept with my sister). So, since I am not religious, my sister sat me down and said that I was "expecting" to get divorced when I got married. She said she would NEVER divorce because it was against her boyfriend's religion. He was married for 3 years and then divorced. Also note that most of HIS family took the ex-wife's side and not his. But I don't know beyond that because I don't care to ask. She then went on to tell me a story. Her boyfriend works at a church and his daughter goes to religious school. His best friend started a child prostitution ring at the school, with children the age of my sister's boyfriend's child. My sister told me that the mother was a terrible person for divorcing the husband instead of trying to work it out. And because she divorced him, she is no longer allowed in the church and they all fear for the child since she is living with the mother who wanted divorce and not the father who is still with the church. The church did not involve the police because they didn't feel it was necessary.

If you do not think the above paragraph is brainwashed to it's exact definition, you are as delusional as my sister and her now husband (who dated for less than 1 year, had a 3 month engagement and since day one have fought every night, from what I hear). Divorce often happens to those people who scold others for getting a divorce because they think it makes them lower people. It happens to anyone. People change. And you shouldn't be stuck in a miserable relationship for 60+ years if you aren't happy.

I have literally never seen that posted here (I'm planning ___ for divorce, unless it's pre-nups but that really isn't Planning for divorce) Are you sure you have 5 stars and are reading the same boards?

ETA: I think you are naïve too.

I heard a lady @ my work say "IF her 7 her hubs were still married this august they were going to have a vow renewal" It was the a saddest thing, I thought, to be planning on possibly ending your marriage. Idk everyone's situation, but short of my FH putting my life in danger, He is stuck with me. I have already told him, there is only one way out & you aint gonna like it. lol, but he doesnt plan on going anywhere either.

I guess I missed those posts too. I have never seen anyone say anything remotely close to that.

I have never seen such post either. You are talking about WW, right?

I don't recall seeing posts saying "I'm doing X in case of divorce" unless they are referring to prenuptial agreements which you said you aren't talking about. So I'm confused about what you are talking about.

Also, divorce is always a possibility. You have your head in the sand if you don't belive that. What if your husband comes to you 20 years from now and says he wants a divorce? Are you going to say no and force him to stay in a marriage in which he is not happy?

And if you can't "live" without your FH then maybe you have an unhealthy co-dependence - perhaps you lack self-sufficiency or autonomy.

Me and FH both have children from prior relationships. We also both own homes, cars, retirement, etc. Yes we both love each other very much but we have children that we have to protect just in case the worst happen. As long as it is something that you both discuss before you are marriage. I don't see a problem with it. Me and FH have discuss the possibility of divorce, finances, how to raise our children, what happens in event of death. We even discuss what happens if our parents get sick or die. These are all things that need to be on the table before you marry IMHO

If you are single and have no children and want to take the chance then be my guess. But if you are parent your 1st priority are your children.

I don't want my head in the clouds. I have a savings account for vehicular and medical needs, doesn't mean I think it will happen.

Life happens. Crap happens. I certainly will work my ass off to make my marriage last, but I think its stupid to put your head in the sand and pretend divorce isn't possible. It is.

Plan for the worst, hope (and work towards!) the best.