Planning in case of divorce?

Didn't check out. Left the interweb to spend time with my FH. I love how everyone assumes I'm young and naive. I'm by no means a young bride to be. I clearly have many cultural differences from many of you. I do like the debate that was raised. I also formed opinions about how selfish many of you come across. Really you just look out for #1? A relationship means you look out for each other. I am independent. But true love is not finding someone you can live with, it's about finding the person who completes you, thus you can't live without. Not that I have dependant issues. I learnt a lot today about how wedding wire has changed in the last few years. It saddens me as I was so excited to be back online and rejoin the site for the community that used to be here. So I will be independent. Spend time with my FH and not spend it on the interweb. Night lafies

If you are not a complete person without a significant other, you should seek counselling. That is not true love. Your partner should complement you, not complete you.

^^^ agreed

I think this is something we all can try to remember. I've waited awhile to find that 'right' person and I only plan on doing it once. I ran across this image one day and saved it to remind me what we need to do to keep a marriage working. Just because we sign a piece of paper and have a 'party' doesn't make all our issues go away and doesn't make your partner think or do everything you want them to!

Looking out for yourself doesn't mean you don't look out for others. It means you don't solely depend on another person for you overall well being, which includes happiness. It means if you have children, you have things put in place so that you are still able to house, clothe and feed them. Nothing selfish about that. A relationship (and marriage) should be two complete individuals building together to complement each other just like Stephanie said.

I stand by what I already said. You may not want a divorce, but if your FH comes to you with divorce papers, there's nothing you can really do. Yes you can try to save the relationship, but it takes 2. If he's already checked out then that's it. Also again, everyone has some kind of dealbreaker. Abuse to you or your children for example.

Cynthia, stop exaggerating and twisting people's words. No one has said they ONLY look out for themselves in their relationships. We are pointing out that by stating you can't LIVE without your fiancé you may be co-dependent and perhaps lacking in self-sufficiency, both of which are not healthy. We also are commenting on your delusion that divorce can't possibly happen to you. You don't know what the future holds. And I believe only one person called you young, although you are definitely acting young with so much drama and over-reaction.

I thought about this, mainly to protect his assets since I'm still sitting on a lot of school debt and I wouldn't want him to be responsible if things do unfortunately end.

This is reality, planning for it doesn't mean that you plan on ending your marriage; that's like saying you're insuring your house for fire protection because you plan on setting your house on fire.

Amen Stephanie!

I've seen so many couples over the years that have split up because of the loss of a child, drug abuse, money disagreements, child abuse....the list goes on. I've seen couples that should have because they made themselves and their children miserable.

FH witnessed his parents divorce when we were in college. Decades together don't mean forever. You never marry and intend to divorce. It's like saying you won't purchase flood insurance because you don't want a flood. Things happen.

Do you also not carrying medical or car insurance because you don't plan to get sick or get in an accident?

FH's parents are divorced and my parents spent at least a decade of their marriage completely miserable with each other. I feel justified in saying I am not naive about what a marriage can bring. Still, divorce is not an option for us. We are purposely combining as much of our finances as possible to outwardly represent that we are being joined as one flesh. If I believed he was capable of ever asking for a divorce, I wouldn't marry him. If he harmed me physically or was an unrepentant cheater (which I absolutely can't imagine), then we would live separately, but we would still be married. In my religion, there is no way to end a marriage unless the couple married under false pretenses or without understanding what marriage is. I don't expect most of you to agree with me, but you should be aware that there are those of us who do truly believe marriage is until death, no exceptions. The only deal-breaker is his death or mine.

^^ this is just sad. It's unfortunate that you believe you have to stay married to someone (while living separately???) even in the event of abuse or infidelity.

Has anyone watched who the bleep did I marry? lol

My religion is similar too. If you are married in the church, you are married for life unless you have a real reason for an annulment. However, that doesn't stop you from getting LEGALLY divorced, which is where the issues come in. You can be religiously married all you want, but your soon to be ex husband (or wife or whatever), could possibly fight you for everything you own together plus custody of any kids when the LEGAL marriage falls apart. That includes any assets you owned before you even got married, like if you already owned a house or a car.

Off topic but @Cynthia did you not get married in March 2013?

Is anyone else creeped out by the phrase joining one flesh...ew.

This thread is giving me a headache.

As someone who was raised catholic and went to catholic school through college, I watched countless parents and friends stick through miserable situations because "divorce was not an option." Guess what? It should be. Right now it may look fine and dandy until things change. Example: sure he drinks a lot now in his late 20s but that's only when out with friends or when watching sports. Until you find out he's drinking at work and hiding empty bottles.

All the couples I know who have divorced except one went through premarital counseling. Nothing is definite. According to Christians, God loves us and is forgiving. I think he might understand divorce after a significant other starts beating you/refuses treatment for drugs or alcohol/throws the marriage vows out the window.

@Cynthia weren't you engaged to a different man 2 years ago and ended the engagement? I'm confused how these are your views. You agreed to marry someone, and decided months before the wedding there were differences that were big enough to lose deposits, etc.

This isn't meant to be an attack, more genuinely curious

Emmy - OMG, YES. Creeped out.

e=mc2 - hmmm...the plot thickens! I guess Cynthia has managed to live without her first FH?

Which i'm sure she felt the same thing about at the time.