Planning in case of divorce?

I was concerned by that statement too @Emily...

The only post I've ever seen on here from someone saying they thought it was likely they would get divorced was like a year ago from that cray-cray bride who wanted her and her husband to wear Halloween costumes. Like ketchup and mustard costumes. Am I the only one who remembers that?

Other than that I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Oh, and that 50% statistic thing is wrong. It's actually more like 30-40%, and the divorce rate is at the lowest it's been in a couple of decades. So, yay?

It would be incredibly naive and childish of me to say i will never split up and divorce FH. I love him to pieces, and whilst I cant imagine EVER separating, things happen and I accept it. Because I acknowledge divorce, doesnt make my upcoming marriage any less special, and it certainly doesnt mean I am doubting my relationship as it is.

We are not having a prenup as we have built everything up together anyway, and I definitely do not plan for what happens if we divorce. Though saying that, if I had children i would absolutely plan for the worst and hope for best.

@mrslacey2b Exactly I think it would be irresponsible parenting not to protect your children.

I am so lost in all of this. It is naive to think that the worst cannot happen. I am marrying with the expectation of forever but, I have had the rug pulled out from under by life before. I will never put myself NOR my FH or any children from our marriage in a situation where we lose everything.

I remember one post last week with something along the lines of "the D word" where the bride was mentioning people she knew that had filed for divorce and asked for our thoughts but I wouldn't say there have been a lot of posts. Before getting engaged, DH and I discussed many possible difficult situations we may face in life (death of a parent, death of a spouse, losing our home and divorce). We never plan for these things to happen but by discussing it we have set expectations. Knowing that my DH and I have taken the time to build a solid relationship based on trust and love, I believe that we could work through anything (except cheating or physical abuse as those are definite marriage enders IMO).

I don't think anyone plans on divorce. We are all here planning and hoping for forever. FH and I both are children of divorce and we see how terrible it can be for everyone involved. We are going into marriage hoping and praying for this to be forever. We will work as hard as we possibly can to make things work. However, we are also smart enough to know that things happen and people change and not always for the better.

My marriage started with the crisis of being in the hospital with dad passing 5 days later! He was more than happy to get married sooner in a private mini wedding, and stood by my side the entire experience (20 MONTHS)of my fathers illness to his funeral. He is still by my side. I agree with Theresa about physical abuse or cheating, We would be done faster than you can blink. In 4.5 years we have rarely raised our voices at each other. But having a plan for the D is not a bad thing. Life and my parents have taught me to be an independent woman who is dependent on nobody else.

Susan, I meant to say it before but left it off my comments on your post about your dad. I love that your DH knew what it meant to you to get married while your dad was physically here on Earth (instead of in spirit as he will be in March). It showed that he knows what's important to you and is willing to put your needs ahead of his. Like you, DH and I don't raise our voices to one another and we discuss issues when they come up. I was a child of divorce and by watching the choices people made in their own lives I work to be independent while knowing I can count on DH when I need his support. Its sad to have to tell someone that abuse and/or cheating are your no repair items and came from watching my parents' marriage (mom would keep going back when my father said he changed) as well as other people's relationships. People typically don't change which is why those 2 are such big deals to me.

My high school girl friend posted this great image on fb this weekend. It was a photo of a loving older couple. It said next to them: "In our generation, when something broke, you fixed it. You didn't throw it away." I think this is true throughout our society, not just with marriage. There are always extenuating circumstances like getting married for the wrong reasons or not being mature enough, but for those who have fully vetted their future mate, it should be a life commitment in my opinion. My church required we go on an engagement retreat prior to marriage. it was awesome. helped us to more openly communicate our feelings and discuss important topics. I recommend it to every engaged couple

I don't think anyone PLANS to divorce. But it is always there & it's always a possibility. What happens 10 years down the road & your H comes to you with divorce papers? What are you going to do? Say no? I don't think so. Just because 1 person doesn't want to divorce doesn't mean the other doesn't. Also, there is ALWAYS something that can come up that would break a relationship. For example, if FH EVER hit me, the divorce papers would be on his desk the next day. Most people want to be with their husbands forever, that's why they got married. But this isn't fairy tale land, it's real life.

It takes two to be 100% committed to a relationship, and you simply can never know the heart of another person. You just can't. Like @MoonRide said, we all have deal breakers. If my husband raised a hand to me, for example, I would divorce him. I didn't marry him thinking that he could ever do that, but if he did that would be it for me.

Mrs. Temme - Just because someone got divorced doesn't mean they didn't try to fix it. A marriage is NOT the same as a car. Or else there would be no other cars on the road except first cars from the 1900s because when they broke, they would be fixed and there would be no need for a new car. Eventually, no matter how much work you put into the car, you will just need to buy a new one because it's costing you too much time, money and making you miserable.

I just found out yesterday that a couple who are around 23 and 25 years old got divorced last year. They are EXTREMELY religious and divorce was never an option to them. They attended marriage classes AND marriage retreats. They had married couple 'mentors' when they had questions. They were married under 3 years and got divorced. Just because you are religious and attended marriage classes does NOT mean you have no chance of getting divorced.

Hate to beat a dead horse...I was the one with the "D Word" topic...

We take our vows....we plan on it being forever, and pray it will....WE will exhaust ALL options before taking that step.

But like another person said, we do have some deal breakers....although divorce should NOT be the first solution!

Am I planning on a divorce? No. But what I am planning for its to be able to support myself if anything happens. Not only divorce, but what is FH gets laid off of work? Or God Forbid He dies? I don't know where you're seeing these planning for divorce posts, but it's not here.

I didnt read the d-word thread because in my head it was dirty and I giggled like a child...the big D...

You must be very young and naive. Til death due us part doesn't always cut it ....how about until you cheat on me with everyone in town or until you fall in love with someone else or maybe until you hit me really hard. I've been married before and I didn't have any plans on getting divorced when I took my vows .Life doesn't always work out the way you plan ...most of us who have been through a divorce with children have been to hell and back . I'm much wiser the 2nd time around and hope it's forever but I'm not a complete fool .

@Rena You just painted a great picture of my first marriage lol. Minus the kids. Thank god we didn't have any kids. I was also young and dumb. No one goes into a marriage planning for a divorce. Unless you're marrying for legal reasons like helping someone you barely know obtain citizenship. Then you should probably be planning for jail.

I think OP checked out a long time ago.

What do you mean you can't live without FH??? You did before you met him....this statement sounds so codependent and depressing. I love FH with everything, but if it didn't work out, I'd live without him. Be independent.