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My first REAL vent! ugh! Those FMIL's!

So my FH&I have been looking for a place to live and preferably not in the city where we live now and where our family lives. We really just want to get away-even a couple cities away-just so we can "start fresh". My FMIL is very controlling. Her grandma's house just went up for sale in a few cities over (perfect for us, right?!) so my FH was talking to FMIL about us moving there. It'd be very easy and affordable for us. Her response? "No. You're not moving there! You're going to put all those miles on your car. You just need to stay here and find a nice house in this city. You're not moving that far away." Now who is she to tell us where we can and can't live?! And it's not even about the fact that it's her grandma's house. She just wants to control everything and 'keep us close.' Ughh! Can anyone PLEASE help me understand?! lol I know it doesn't sound like that big of a deal but just the way she said it, was just so f'ing Controlling! I can't even explain it! It just makes me so mad!

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 5:08 PM | Vendors are allowed to participate

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Soon2BeWifey

Wedding: [Private]

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The Potters

Married: 09/12/2009
Reviews: 8

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 5:11 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
That would make me really want to buy that house! Do whatever you want. She isn't in control you or your FH, even if he is her son. That is crazy. You're obviously an adult and can make your own decisions. Good luck.

analy m.

Married: 10/03/2009
Reviews: 5

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 5:16 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
In my experience, shes is probably grappling with the thought of "losing" her son to you. Maybe she thinks that the farther away you are the less she will see him (and future kids) which has some truth to it it sounds like lol. You should do what is right for your new family, and she will get over it! But for the sake of your future 40-50 years, you might want to try to reassure her a bit now... lol

Laura K.

Married: 05/15/2009
Reviews: 7

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 5:17 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
oh no it most certainly does sound like a big deal to me! I'd be as upset about it as you are. But how does your FH feel about it? When she gives these demands does he listen to them? If not then great, ignore her. If so then you need to deal with him, not her. It sucks but she is definitely feeling threatened that you are now the important woman in his life. It's a hard adjustment for some moms and I don't get it either. She has to control things like this to make herself feel better. SHouldn't they just be happy that their sons found wonderful women to share a life with?

The Potters

Married: 09/12/2009
Reviews: 8

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 5:23 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Laura, YES!!!!! I had an ex bf with that kind of Mom. Nobody is good enough for her little darling. Yuck! So how does your FH usually react when his Mom acts this way?

Soon2BeWifey

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 7:27 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
He is pretty much on the same side as me. He doesn't say a lot because he hates confratation (sp?) but he will say little things like "well that makes me want to move even farther away!" or "yea babe I totally agree with you. She can't tell us what to do!" So I am very thankful that he takes my side. But what I don't get is that her and I have been sooo close since we met! I lost my mom a few years back so she's been my 'step' mom, and we get a long great! ayyy I guess I'll just have to ignore her. hehe

Soon2BMrsP

Wedding: 03/20/2010

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 7:37 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
if you know you can get the loan, then go buy the house...you and fh are the ones who are going to raise a family in it, not her...i don't mean to be mean, but she had her time of raising babies, and setting up home. and maybe she let their moms influence her, but YOU don't have too! if it's the perfect home for you 2 to start a new life together, and maybe raise some little hellions, then that is YOUR 2's decision! luckily, fh's mom wanted him as far away from where they're from as possible...so i don't have that issue...i'd like to keep close to at least 1 side of our family, but i relocated once to california, not knowing a danged person! and i survived quite fine! i'm with laura here...now that i see she's been your "step" mom, maybe in a way she's grown used to that, and now she's losing you BOTH, but even still, it's time for you 2 to put on some big-kid panties, take the knowledge you have, and start your own life. and she's gonna have to understand that eventually! it'll work!!

Whitni C.

Wedding: 06/11/2010

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 9:14 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
My FMIL is the same way. I mentioned that after our wedding we were hoping to move out of state and start fresh and make our family. She asked if i was crack? and she was sooo serious!!! I couldn't believe she was gonna sit there and say what we could and couldnt do with our lives! She said, But i'll never get to see my grandkids..i told her there are such things as holidays and road trips. Haha....you just have to tell her your plan, and either she'll give in or she wont! Hope it works out for you :)

HIS_WIFEY_09

Married: 11/14/2009

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 10:27 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
WOW I GOTTA TELL U THERE A HAND FULL!!! MY FMIL JUST YESTERDAY TOLD US THAT SHE WANTS TO MOVE TO NEW MEXICO AND THAT WE SHOULD GO WITH THEM. YEA EFFIN RT!!! NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!!! LOL BUT MY ADVICE IS JUST DO WHAT U GUYS WANT AND WHATS BEST FOR U. ITS UR FUTURE NOT HERS. BELIEVE ME IF U STAY AROUND SHE WILL PROBABLY B AT UR HOUSE EVERYDAY!!! GOD FORBID. BUT GOOD LUCK GOOD THING FH AND U ARE ON THE SAME PAGE.

Debi B.

Cater It Simple

Posted On: Oct 28, 2009 at 11:22 PM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Run, Forrest, Run! Run far, far away! . My sister had inlaws like that. It has nothing to do with losing her little boy. It's a control issue 100%. Deal with it now or you'll be dealing with it your whole life. . I have a bride who told me her MIL wanted to go on their honeymoon with them ... and this bride/groom are 40 years old!!!!!!!!!!

Adriana M.

Married: 09/19/2009
Reviews: 11

Posted On: Oct 29, 2009 at 3:32 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
Oh yes controlling I have the same problem but not only with my mil but my sil's oh do they give me a hard time.

Soon2BeWifey

Wedding: [Private]

Posted On: Oct 29, 2009 at 10:47 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
oh gosh. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in this! lol His_Wifey.... One of the exact reasons I want to move farther away is so she CAN'T be at my house everyday! Because I know she will be! My FFIL this morning says to me, "You know, she didn't mean anything by that. She just gets going and doesn't stop." Well, she needs to learn to stop! I'm not going to stay here just to make her happy, we still plan on moving farther away but I'm afraid that she will always hold onto a little 'grudge' or something because we moved away. Oh well... we'll do what's best for our family :/

wowjunkie

Wedding: 06/12/2010

Posted On: Oct 29, 2009 at 10:54 AM \| Flag As Inappropriate
My mother has expressed interest in us not moving too far away (her preference is an hour away max) but my FMIL actually gave FH a real estate magazine for the county they live in - our last choice as far as a future home. And she wants us to BUY a house - FH and I agreed a long time ago that we aren't buying anything until I'm out of school and he's where he wants to be career wise as well. So the assumption that we would want a house, let alone one close to them was pretty shocking to me, too. Just remember to present a united front and put your foot down. If she keeps pursuing the subject, just gently remind her that you two will be doing what you two want to do.

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