Husband of 5 years said he would leave me if i got a 3rd shift job

No, I don't think it sounds like love at all. It sounds like a man who wants to be in control of his wife and is afraid that if she works he will lose whatever control he has over you because you will have your own income to support yourself. This coupled with a large age gap tells me he wants someone he can easily manipulate.

Did he tell you the reasons why he doesn't want you to work third shift (overnights)? If he did, did you listen and consider them? I word it this way because sometimes communication styles conflict. For example, I won't "hear" any reasoning my partner says until that one approach sets off my alarms or triggers, and vice versa. I don't think your situation is necessarily controlling, but you both need to sit down and talk about your financial future honestly and logically, no emotional threats. Really, where's he going to go.


As for the job, there are several health concerns tied with third shift work across industries. The constant job openings are a reflection of an inconsistent workforce. You must decide together if it's in the best interest of your family and your own health issues. That said, if you live in the US, I would recommend not depending on bureaucracy for your livelihood right now. Federal budgets and a fired workforce will undoubtedly affect state budgets, services, and aid. I would seek an income because you don't need delayed disability checks or problems using Medicaid-covered services. Also you want to prepare for food insecurity with changes in food stamps and school lunches particularly as summer is soon and your children will not be able to rely on school meals. Best wishes as you navigate these challenges as a family.

View Quoted Comment He said he don't want me to work because if I do I won't feel like cleaning house or doing anything else.I told him that he would be doing house work like I do if I do get a 3rd shift job.Last night he said he didn't want me working at night because if something happened to me he wouldn't be able to get to me because we only have one truck.It don't make sense though because I worked from 7 to 11 and 5 to 8 before I quit my job I did that for a year and did just fine and he never said anything like this before.I have PCOS allergic rhinitis ETD bipolar disorder those are my health problems and his is worse than mine.He has artery problems in his legs and stomach problems and something going on with his heart the Drs is keeping eye on it.I just want to work so he don't have too.He moans and groans and complains because he don't feel good a lot of the time I just get so tired of it.I want to work so I will be out of the house and won't have to hear him go on like that and I can make money to help out so he won't have too.

View Quoted Comment Well, lots of us go to work to get away from our spouses for a little bit. And it seems reasonable that you would want to do achieve something for yourself outside the home. You have to see if the job benefits your life and safety is important. There is a difference between third shift at a casino or factory where you have coworkers, security guards, and a monitored employee parking lot versus overnights at a gas station by yourself. For me, the job would need to provide me full-time hours with health benefits. Your spouse does have a point that if emergencies happen overnight one of you will be without transport. If the job is worth it, he should drive you to work and back so at least he has the truck if the kids have an overnight emergency. Transitions in a family schedule is hard, but usually change needs to happen when someone gets sick or you run out of money. Now if your spouse just doesn't want you to explore more of yourself than he's being selfish. But, I will reiterate that these times financially and politically will get harder so you all have to buckle up and seize opportunity to help yourselves because others incl. Govt may be unreliable and you have a family to protect.