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OldSchoolKindaLove
Devoted September 2018

Dreams about exes after marriage

OldSchoolKindaLove, on April 7, 2020 at 9:21 AM Posted in Married Life 0 15
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So, as awkward as this is I felt like I could turn here to help ease my mind. In the last 2 months, I find myself having dreams about two very specific exes, one being my first love and the other being my ex before I began dating my husband. In the past two months I would say most of my dreams consist of getting back with an ex, or them coming to me and admitting they still have feelings for me. It's getting awkward, and I don't find myself thinking of them during the day. It's only at night. Another reason I worry, about these dreams, is I do have a history of talking in my sleep. My husband hasn't said anything about it, but I am trying to figure out what to do before this becomes an issue. The dreams vary from mild to wild.....sometimes it's merely I run into my ex and we grab coffee, which turns into a full blown conversation about getting back together. Others, it turns into more than just a coffee....Has anyone ever had these kinds of dreams, and how long do they take to go away?

15 Comments

Latest activity by Bianca, on April 8, 2020 at 12:29 PM
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    It sounds like you have unresolved feelings for your exes that when you are asleep your mind wanders to them. This is definitely a problem. I think talking to a counselor might be best.
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  • Eugenia
    Savvy June 2020
    Eugenia ·
    • Flag
    Hi
    Dreaming is an activity that allows the human being to vent some situations that in the conscious state it is not always possible to cover. According to scientists, dreams originate to satisfy repressed desires.


    Do you have any feelings for your ex?Were you waiting for him to come back for you?
    If the answer is yes, you should look for professional help. That situation could affect your marriage In the future.

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  • Sharon
    Expert September 2021
    Sharon ·
    • Flag
    Unless you still harbor feelings for them, maybe the dreams aren't specifically about the exes but about the past in general just represented by these 2 people. Marriage is a new phase of life and in a sense you are leaving this past version of yourself and your life behind. It's not necessarily a bad omen but maybe it means you just need to put the past behind you and look forward.
    • Reply
  • OldSchoolKindaLove
    Devoted September 2018
    OldSchoolKindaLove ·
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    No I do not have feelings for my ex nor am/was I waiting for them to come back for me. We are talking about relationships from 7 years and 15 years ago. My husband and I have been together for 6 years, and married for 1.5 years.



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  • OldSchoolKindaLove
    Devoted September 2018
    OldSchoolKindaLove ·
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    My marriage isn't exactly new, we have been married for a year and a half now.

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    Super March 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    I have had quite a bit of dreams (nightmares) about one ex specifically. Having a dream about an ex doesn't mean you harbor romantic feelings for them still. It could mean that you have more resentful feelings for them. I had an abusive relationship with my ex and I now have PTSD. Part of that is reliving my relationship during my dreams. If it isn't my exes face taunting me in my sleep...it is my husband's face performing the actions of my ex. It is disturbing to say the least. Sometimes when I wake up, I have to actively tell myself that my husband is not my ex and that he is not hurting me. This relationship was about 9 years ago. I would look at the relationship and see how they ended. Was is on a positive note? Was there trauma that you never resolved in your own mind? Also, I would open up this conversation with your significant other. I held my pain in for awhile but during therapy was encouraged to let him know what I was going through. Turns out, he had the same type of dreams after his first wife cheated on him. He understood! This helped open up our communication and brought us that much closer together. Don't let these dreams dictate your happiness with your significant other. They don't necessarily mean you want to get back with an ex.
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  • OldSchoolKindaLove
    Devoted September 2018
    OldSchoolKindaLove ·
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    I wouldn't say that either of these relationships ended on a positive note, but most relationships don't at least in my experience. As far as trauma it's very possible....never really thought about it that way. There are some similarities to both of those relationships which now make me wonder if these dreams are related more to my anxiety

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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    I've had dreams about an ex and honestly like one of the PPs said, sometimes they really don't mean anything. sometimes we dream about weird and random stuff ya know?

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  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    This is actually a pretty common theory in regards to dreams. The old school theory by Freud of it being your repressed unconscious is not really supported by modern psychology. Recent studies suggest that dreams are primarily used as a means of consolidating/storing memories, and high levels of anxiety/depression/PTSD can create more distressing dreams.


    I wouldn't worry too much about the dreams themselves, but if you're finding yourself feeling high levels of anxiety (which is especially common now given the state of the country/world), seeking counseling can be helpful. Many clinicians are doing therapy through video/phone now due to government restrictions.
    • Reply
  • A
    Super February 2020
    Andrea ·
    • Flag

    I was dreaming (more like nightmares) about my 2 exes (one in particular who was very abusive) about 1-2 months before getting married. They were quite vivid and I remember waking up in the middle of the night crying because of the fear and angst. Perhaps it's what PPs said, it could have been PTSD or perhaps random. I think it was just my subconscious telling me how good I had it now, and how terrible my life would have been if I stayed in the abusive relationship. I stopped having those nightmares after we got married. Perhaps something is bothering you? Thanks to COVID-19, staying at home 24/7 I bet isn't helping.

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  • OldSchoolKindaLove
    Devoted September 2018
    OldSchoolKindaLove ·
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    I wish I was at home 24/7...at least I could find something to do. Clean, laundry, play a game, garden, sun-bathe, play with my dogs, go walking, etc. Instead for some reason we have been deemed essential at work, to sit around doing nothing besides answering a few calls a day. I feel useless...completely USELESS. I am not helping stop the spread because I can't stay home, I can't stay home because our managers deem our work essential...what a joke...so I think that could be it....It make sense both of those relationships when they ended made me feel like I was useless as a person, and here I am feeling useless again....

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  • Savannah
    Savvy June 2020
    Savannah ·
    • Flag
    I had unwanted dreams for a period of time and I realized that me stressing about what they meant during the day and hoping they wouldn’t happen right before going to bed was in turn causing them to happen each night. I wouldn’t think too much about it!
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  • B
    Savvy December 2020
    Bianca ·
    • Flag
    Sometimes dreams are just dreams and a cigar is a cigar. Don’t worry about it. There’s nothing wrong with you and you have nothing to feel bad about. Maybe the stress you’re under right now reminds you of difficulties with a prior relationship. Maybe not. Either way, you’re with the person you chose. In my experience the less you worry yourself about unpleasant dreams the faster they go away.
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    My dreams about my Ex are usually nightmares, so I feel your unease.

    Experts right now say we're all having a lot more dreams, and more vivid dreams, because of the stress and the extra sleep a lot of us are getting. Because the whole world has changed, our brains are going to be doing a LOT of processing, which might churn up old relationships and faces to help sort out the new stuff.

    I would certainly agree that counseling would help, but I would also talk to your husband. Simply mention that you are having weird dreams, you don't want him to worry if he hears you in your sleep, and that you might need to talk about it. You could also try writing stuff down to get it out of your head.

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  • B
    Savvy December 2020
    Bianca ·
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    That’s really interesting — where did you read that? I’d love to learn more!
    • Reply

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