My 20 yr Vow Renewal...etiquette vs wants
First, I want to say that I am new to WW. I have been married for 19 years and am planning my 20th Anniversary Vow Renewal.

I am a military spouse and have always followed etiquette rules due to the lifestyle I live and the need for it. However, when my husband and I married 19 years ago there was a lot of turmoil surrounding family. With this, we decided to be married at the justice of the peace. We've had our wedding blessed by a priest, as we are both Catholic.

My husband has been deployed several times and is now in a position where he'll be home. Perfect time to renew our vows! The dilemma comes down to my mom, whom I love dearly. She suggested we renew our vows in the church and continue with our reception plans. I'm fine with this, but then she suggested I have my two sisters stand up for me and my dad walk me down the aisle.

Everything I'm reading says no when it comes to this, but I don't want to break my mom's heart either. Is this a line that is ok to cross?

Married: 08/31/2013
Posted On: Aug 22, 2012 at 3:01 PM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate0 likes

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Just Reenski
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 9
Aug 22, 2012 at 3:04 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
First of all, congratulations on 20 years of marriage!! Welcome to WW, there's a few brides on here who are renewing their vows, so you're in good company.

Are you saying etiquette is against you having bridesmaids and having your father walk you down the aisle? If so, forget etiquette. I think it would be great to be able to involve your family in this way, if that's what YOU want.

I hope you'll update your avatar to something unique so we can remember your story and help you more in the future. The default rings sometimes get lost in the crowd. Here's how to do that and more: http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/new-to-the-weddingwire-forums-please-read-before-you-post/b433c40c1a62b96a.html

Married: 03/12/2012
Reviews: 1
Aug 22, 2012 at 3:08 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
You should check with the church first. They may not even allow it.....Catholic Churches seem to have a lot of rules and regulations about what can and cannot be done within the church. I'm not Catholic so I don't really know if it's okay or not, but based on posts here from Catholic brides it seems like they're sticklers for rules.

Married: 07/21/2012
Reviews: 1
Aug 22, 2012 at 3:17 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Etiquette says that in a church you shouldn't have anyone stand up with you, or walk you down the aisle? After a year and half of being on these boards, I'm a little surprised that no one has mentioned this before. Lots of girls get married in churches, and almost everyone has bridemaids and someone walking them down the aisle.

Is Etiquette saying you shouldn't do this because it's a renewal?

Married: 08/31/2013
Aug 22, 2012 at 3:51 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thank you Reenski, avatar is updated.

Pan S., the Roman Catholic church does not really get involved in the planning of weddings/renewals anymore, except for newlyweds (marital classes). Even years ago, Roman Catholic churches on military installations (where this will take place) are slightly different in what they allow, due to military lifestyle.

Reenski and Jessica, most everything that I have read (even on some of these boards) says that spouses shouldn't consider themselves bride and groom, therefore their ceremony shouldn't show that either. Bridesmaids and Groomsmen are "officially" there as witnesses and since witnesses aren't needed for a renewal. It also says that the father walks the bride down the aisle to show symbolism of giving the daughter to her groom. Again, already married.

I guess my main thing is that I don't want people coming and going huh? Yet, I really would like to give my mom her wish.

Thanks for your advice!

Married: 07/21/2012
Reviews: 1
Aug 22, 2012 at 3:59 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Ok... that makes more sense, etiquette "decreeing" it because it's a renewal not the original wedding ceremony.

What do YOU want? Do you want to involve your sisters/girlfriends as bridesmaids? Do you want your Dad to walk you down the aisle? Is etiquette the most important to you or is making your mom happy more important?

I think doing whatever makes the ceremony more special to you, is more important that what etiquette dictates. Emily Post had passed away by 1960- and while it's important to have class and manners in today's society, life has changed a lot since Ms. Post spelled out how it should be done. So allow yourself to be flexible and creative, and I doubt you'll offend your friends or family with whatever you choose.

Just Reenski
Married: 2+ years ago
Reviews: 9
Aug 22, 2012 at 3:59 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I say pish posh, if you want bridesmaids and groomsmen and your father to walk you down the aisle, do so! If anything, perhaps you could write up a short paragraph in your programs about how you had a JOP ceremony originally, and after 20 years together decided to do the whole shebang! I really don't think people would think that much of it.

Married: 08/31/2013
Aug 22, 2012 at 4:12 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Jessica, making my mom happy is way more important!

Reenski, I love the idea of the program write up!

I really appreciate it!!!

Amy
Married: 06/28/2013
Aug 22, 2012 at 4:20 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I agree with everything else... said ettiquett is not so obvious, that people would be offended by ignoring it. And I think since they were not involved in the legal ceremony 19 years ago, it is nice for everyone to experience. Yourself included. I say go for it!

Married: 11/15/2014
Aug 22, 2012 at 4:21 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
HI KIM!!!! lemme just say ME TOO!!!! lol... We'll be renewing for our 10 year anni. He was Army, babies were born, then married...etc etc... he just got back from Afgh recently and FOR GOOD... so yea, it was great timing for us as well. Let me say this. DO WHAT YOU WANT. I say that cause etiquette will say NO, its a renewal, no dad, no BP, no white dress, etc... but ya know what. i have never HAD that. I am wearing white, i am walking with my dad (hes not giving me AWAY, but just walking with me....) i have my sister and 2 bffs standing IN SUPPORT of us. I am having a full on reception.... i dont walk around calling myself a BRIDE and all that, but thats just me, Lots will say, "oh you had your chance" but you know what.. they're not paying for it...so screw em! If its what you want, then do it! I am not registering for gifts, i dont want or expect them. No parties beforehand etc... no showers, or bachelorette type things....but thats just me...
...

Married: 11/15/2014
Aug 22, 2012 at 4:23 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
(cont) my point is, celebrate you 20th wedding anniversary the way you want. Wear a pretty dress, have girls.... walk down the aisle, get a DJ.. celebrate what so many people can barely reach!!! Also, thanks for your hubbys service...as well as yours being the spouse ;)... PM if ya ever need anything

Married: 08/31/2013
Aug 22, 2012 at 4:41 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm so glad I posted this here. Y'all are great!

Sabrina, Congrats on your vow renewal and you're DH being home! It's always nice to know they won't be leaving for a while.
Aug 22, 2012 at 4:49 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
DH & renewed our vows for our 20th, but it was in our home with a few guests. So, although I didn't walk down an aisle, we did have our MOH & BM stand with us again.

Married: 01/05/2013
Aug 22, 2012 at 5:09 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
I think you should do what YOU want. Really, you aren't doing the vow renewal because you have to, or because etiquette dictates that you should, you are doing it to make you two happy. Have fun with it!

Married: 11/15/2014
Aug 22, 2012 at 6:00 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Good point Dani... and yes Kim, its nice to know he is here..... all the time! lol i love it. I AM doing ours at my sisters house, in her gorgeous yard. we're cutting costs that way. We arent having a LOT of people... mainly friends that we love and care for.... i've nixed a TON of family.... lol... best of luck on planning. we're here if you need us
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