Friend wants to bring her married boyfriend to my wedding

I'd let it go. It's shitty all around, but no one else will know, and he's scum whether he comes or not.

Yikes! That's a sticky situation. Not to be ugly, but I can't understand people being in a relationship with someone they know is cheating. What makes you think they'll be faithful to you? I absolutely understand your discomfort about having that at your wedding! I have no advice, though, unfortunately :/

Invite his wife? LOL j/k

I'm not really sure there's much you can do if you are extending her a plus 1. That kind of gives her the right to bring him, since she's dating him, right?

Tell her that seeing your wedding may make him re-evaluate his own marriage and recommit to it (dumping her). Bet she won't bring him!

It's going to be tough but I'd just let it go. You *could* try talking to your friend about how bringing him would make you super uncomfortable, but of course you do risk starting a fight with your friend.

If it's really important to you that he not be there, I'd bring it up with your friend. If it's not worth the drama, let it go and just don't interact with him at your wedding. You'll have so much else going on you probably won't notice him.

I would let it go. Just to play devils advocate here - would you even be aware if any of your other guests are there with their spouses, but have affairs on the side? I understand it's upsetting but at the end of the day those are their life choice, and the least of your worries on your big day.

Awkward, but give her the plus one and hope his wife doesn't show up

You know what? Who cares what someone else does with their personal life that has no effect on you? You may not have respect for the man, but it's honestly none of your business. Be a gracious host, smile, thank him for attending, and focus your energy elsewhere.

Just to add to that - I had a good friend for about 10 years who later wound up being my roommate. While we lived together, she used to have her married boyfriend over for booty calls. I tried not to be judgmental, but over time I felt less and less of a friendship between us because I saw her as someone with no integrity...someone who couldn't be trusted. Maybe you might reevaluate whether or not you want a friendship with someone who does things like this? Or just let it go (to each her own, I guess).

I think there's really only two things you can do and you have the weigh the outcome for both situations.

1. You extend the plus one to her and she brings him as her date.

2. You don't extend the plus one to her so she can't bring him and she possibly gets mad about it.

Which is more important to you; Having your friend at your wedding happy and fully supportive of your relationship. Or her showing up being mad at you because you are making a decision for her to not have her "boyfriend" at your wedding?

Personally, I would extend the plus one. It is not my place to tell her what to do with her life and if she thinks dating a married man is the right thing to do, then I wouldn't stop her (I wouldn't agree with it, but I wouldn't stop her). It would actually show me how much I love my FH and know that our relationship is nothing like that.

@Tania It's not that kind of situation at all. They have two young kids, and as far as the wife knows they are happy.

I'm going to make sure my photographer gets lots of pictures of them, then I'm going to distribute my wedding pics far and wide on social media if he doesn't want to be seen with his mistress, he shouldn't come to such a public event with her.

Lol as long as you're not actively trying to do anything, it's perfectly fair to post your pictures.

How do you know he is happily married?

I think if you're giving her a plus one then you can't really control who she brings. I would avoid the argument and let her bring him.

I personally would have a conversation with your friend and express to her your concerns. I don't blame you for not wanting him there as he represents the opposite of everything that the day stands for. Quite frankly, FH and I aren't even playing certain songs at our wedding ceremony because of their meaning ie I've always wanted Trumpet Voluntary to play when I walked down the aisle...except when I started doing my research I learned that the composer killed himself. That might be a bit drastic of an example (though it is true), but the point is we opted not to have that played because we want nothing (as little as possible) negative associated with our special day. Ultimately the choice is yours, but if it were me, I wouldn't allow that option.

Come to think of it, who's to say he will come if he's invited? They're sneaking around behind his wife's back, so I can't imagine he would be super comfortable at a huge event with his "side-chick" (btw am I using that term right?! lol)

@bridalfever He's obviously not happily married if he's also banging my friend. But she says that he refuses to even discuss divorce with his wife. She has no clue about his affair, and he doesn't plan to leave her. Not sure what my friend is thinking.

You don't agree with your friend's decision, so you're going to publicly shame her for it? That's awesome.

Seriously, let it go.

This whole situation is super icky. I agree with everyone else though, ultimately you can't control who her plus one is, and if he comes you still have to treat him graciously. But if you want to post your wedding photos on social media and there might be some of him kicking around, that is fair. I actually kind of doubt he'd attend, unless he's really dumb.

Edit: what Janeen said, don't actively try to publicly humiliate him because that will humiliate your friend as well.

I have trouble keeping my mouth shut. I'd say she's welcome to bring him, but point out that he is a slap in the face of the institution of marriage and you'd rather she not. Let it go and leave it up to her at that point.

On a side note: I'd flip on my friends if they were dating a married man! Lord. That is a whole separate ball of wax!