Friend wants to bring her married boyfriend to my wedding

I like your plan if he gets caught it's his own damn fault for cheating in the first place, but also for flaunting his cheating by going to a wedding with his mistress...a heavily photographed, much talked about, social event.

I would give your friend the plus 1 and just let it go. It's a shitty thing that is going on, but unfortunately you can't do anything about it. You'll be way too busy to focus on your friend's date anyways.

@Jess I'M going to publicly shame her?? Explain how I'm going to do that. Please. What do you want me to do, not share my wedding photos in case they're in some together?

If they come to an event together where a photographer is being paid thousands of dollars to take photos, then they should expect to be seen together on the internet.

Invited them both by name but *accidentally* mail the invite to his house?

@JaKLyn LOL love it. I don't have the balls. Or his address.

While I say it with sarcasm since it has the potential to be a friendship ending move, you can find anything on google.

So, he's getting close enough to her to bang her, but she can't get close enough to him to initiate a discussion about his WIFE? Why do women allow this to happen?

I wouldn't touch this with a ten foot pole. I'd invite her with a plus one. Maybe the ceremony will have an affect on her. Maybe she'll see you, looking radiant while your husband speaks his vows, and then she'll look at him and wonder, "What the hell am I doing? I deserve more than this". Maybe she'll think, "And just where does his wife think he is today? Working? Shopping? Playing golf?". Maybe that won't happen, but at some point, she's going to understand where she is in his life. You may have to nurse her through a broken heart in a year when she finally realizes that she was never intended to be more than his mistress, a parking space for his penis, and a remedy for his faltering manhood.

There will be plenty of couples at your wedding who look happy and connected, but more than a few of them have cheated on their spouses, or they are merely tolerating each other. Spare yourself the nightmare of having to examine other people's moral choices and private lives. It's exhausting -- and pointless.. I know the irony of having such a man at your wedding is bothering you, but let it go. It's not worth protesting. People will do what they're going to do, and if it all falls apart, they'll be sorting through the wreckage. Your friend already knows where this is going -- whether she'll admit it or not. Does she deserve more? Yes. Until she starts sending that message out to men, she's going to get exactly what she's gotten. However, that's an issue for another day. For now, focus on your wedding and let them answer the awkward, "And, who is this?" questions they are likely to be fielding all day.

Considering how many people are unfaithful to their spouses, I think you're naive if you think there won't be any other "cheaters" on your guest list. Just let it go. His ethics do not have anything to do with yours

Ugh I so feel your pain but yes just let her have the plus 1 and don't think about it anymore

Mar 11, 2015 at 3:57 PM • Flag As Inappropriate • 5 likes

@Tania It's not that kind of situation at all. They have two young kids, and as far as the wife knows they are happy.

I'm going to make sure my photographer gets lots of pictures of them, then I'm going to distribute my wedding pics far and wide on social media if he doesn't want to be seen with his mistress, he shouldn't come to such a public event with her.

I'd say that's going out of your way to shame her/them. If there happens to be a picture, it's one thing, but that clearly isn't what you meant.

Only way I can see out of this is to not give her a plus one.

I can see you not liking that he'd be there, but unless you want to discuss this with her and risk it causing a issue with her, I'd just ride with him being there. other than a 'thanks for coming' in the receiving line you probably won't even notice he's there. you'll be too busy elsewhere.

It is your wedding, but I don't think you'll be able to keep him away without causing a problem with your friend.

who she dates is really her business and if she's making a mistake, it's her mistake to make. long as he's not abusive, I'd just do all you can to be a supportive friend and pick your battles. I just personally wouldn't make this one of them.

also, if he's married and not separated from his wife, I wonder if he'll even be there. she may assume he will be, but I'd be kind of surprised if he'll be available to be her date for a wedding.

@Jess I'm not ACTUALLY going to say to my photographers "See those two there? Take lots of pictures of them!" But I'm certainly going to post all of the pictures I like, regardless of who's in them.

I wouldn't say that you know the full story. Do you know the wife personally to say she thinks they are happy?

Before I started dating my FH, he was married, with two young kids. Their relationship was over years before I came into the picture but neither of them wanted to admit it. They do now, but not then. If you are extended a plus one, you have to let her choose. Like others have said, maybe once they are there one or both of them may think what the heck are we doing, or maybe he will realize he isn't happy in his relationship and he wants the love he sees between you and your FH.

I also have a friend who was in an open marriage for years. They just separated about 6 months ago, but for years they both had people on the side. I didn't agree with his choices, but it was their marriage and it was what worked for them.

If their dating is supposed to be a secret from the wife. how does your friend plan on bringing him, and is there a danger the wife could show up and make a scene? guess I was just assuming that the wife and your friends boyfriend had some kind of arrangement or something.

I can see posting pictures of your own wedding, but with what you said you're still secretly hoping he gets caught - and as a result, hoping this blows up on your friend.

Perhaps you should be more concerned with your relationship with your friend rather than her relationship.

@StitchingBride He's a bit older, so he doesn't hang out in the same crowd. There is no chance the wife would show up at the wedding. I don't even know her, besides her first name. But my town is pretty small, and it seems like everyone knows everyone else, so there is a chance she'll find out later if we have friends in common?

And no, they don't have an arrangement. He "works a lot" so he can take her away for weekends and stuff. His wife has no clue. I feel so bad for her

If you give her a plus one, you should let her invite whom she wants (as long as it is not someone who has been personally hateful to you or your fiance).

If this is a GOOD friend you are super close with I would have a conversation with her and let you know how you feel. I personally feel that being a good friend means having open & honest conversations and telling someone I feel they are making bad decisions. If you cant count on your good friends to tell you when something is not right- then who can you count on? (keep in mind there is a difference in caringly voicing concerns and judging someone) I wouldn't push the subject, or bring it up if its already been brought up before.

If you aren't super close, I would let it go.

Again, that's just my personal view.

So wait.... You feel like he's spitting on marriage vows that you're about to take, but your friend isn't? See now.. That's what I don't understand. Why would you even still be friends with this girl? She knows he's married. You're just going to turn a blind eye to her, but not too him?

While I agree with Jess that it may embarrass your friend, I wouldn't be to wary of avoiding posting their pictures online. It takes two to tango and it's their own damn fault for going to a heavily photographed event as a couple. This is the age of social media.

This is just to play devil's advocate... is there a chance he's going through a divorce? A friend of mine is seeing someone who has been separated for 3 years, but the divorce is stalled because the ex-wife ran to thailand and won't sign divorce papers.

If he's a cheating bastard though, hang him out to dry