Would you be offended? Limited Tab Bar

I will also add that I don't think people are going to leave the wedding on purpose, like "Hmmph, no alcohol, let's get out of here." But as the night goes on, people have less to drink, they start to wind down, don't want to dance or loosen up anymore, and then they are going to start thinking it's about time to head home.

It's the *last* ferry, not the *only* one :-)))

Bahaha whoops I don't understand this ferry thing, we don't have those down here....

We will offer sodas, water, tea, and coffee free all night. I mean we could set a cap and never reach it. That is a possibility too. I just don't want to be unprepared and get some crazy bar bill because people drank a lot more than we expected. The ferry runs every hour so yes people could retire early if they wish. There is also one more ferry at 11:55pm and you can always call a water taxi. I'm not looking at a get in line and as soon as the bill hits $X tough luck. i just don't want to go over budget by thousands due to a bar tab. It seems pretty split as to if it's rude or not and I have asked a few people who are invited to the wedding to get a better idea of the thoughts in my area. Many of us are recently engaged or married and understand the costs of hosting a wedding.

I wouldn't be offended. However, I'm also not much of a drinker and having a bar at all at a wedding doesn't seem so important to me. However, at my own wedding we had two kinds of wine. It was tasty and everyone seemed happy. Ours was in my grandmother's backyard, so I invited people to bring their own food or drinks if they wished. I don't know if anyone did, though.

If I were you, I would create a small WW survey for married ladies: How many had a bar bill that was lower/higher than expected. I think it could also give you a sense of what to expect.

I totally understand the concern. We calculated our worst case scenario and were thousands of $ under that.

I went to so many weddings this summer. I think it's situational. There was one wedding where we had to take a Friday off from work (I personally had to take Fri & Sat off, as a hair stylist. MY TWO BIG DAYS!), drive 4 hours to the location, spend $300 on the shitty hotel we were only at for one night, then take a school bus to the venue from the hotel (in 98 degree weather!) which was almost an hour away...ugh!! That was the only situation where we felt after all that plus gifts the guests deserved open bar. Other than that, we had no problem buying drinks & no one seemed offended other than the guests at the one particular venue. A lot of people will do open bar for an hour while the couple does pictures, or a glass of wine with dinner. Seriously, if you're offended to buy your own drink, don't go to the wedding. That's not what weddings are about.

The reason why people get upset about a cash bar or drink tickets and the like is that you are HOSTing them. A wedding reception is like hosting a party at your home, just a much bigger venue. Would you start charging your friends and families for their fourth drink at your housewarming party? I doubt it.

No one will be upset with you for hosting what you can afford; likewise, people won't be surprised if the open bar closes up a half hour before the end of the reception. Treat your guests well because the reception is the thank you to them for attending your wedding. If that means you can only afford Coors Light and Boone's Farm, that's fine. Gross, but fine.

I would not be offended, as long as I knew ahead of time. I think, as others have said, you can do an open bar during cocktail hour, close it during dinner and re-open for a bit after dinner.

Also, limiting the selections can cut down on the costs, as the bartender would not need as many mixers and garnishes.

I agree with Karen and Carole/similar comments. Please remember that a free meal for the guests shouldn't result in shirking off the money they may have spent to be a guest..You figure in gift, travel (especially if flying), getting a sitter, possibly taking PTO from work, etc. This way surpasses the free (to them) meal. Guests ideally are people you care about and that's how our reception was; guest centered.

That being said..my city was very affordable compared to price points I've seen brides quote on WW. I can see having a cash bar if you live in say L.A or NYC. The best way to cut cost is to chop the guest list. Going broke for any reason related to a wedding is just unwise obviously. OP, if you do a cash bar at a certain point be sure to just close the bar during the dinner hour. I think having a limited open bar then cash bar is fine as long as the guests realize this ahead of time.

Amen Ab Z! I was just about to type what you wrote on the cost of attending a wedding. I guess what would make it insulting to our guests in our culture is that at our weddings, we give $ gifts, so even w/out the other & of attending a wedding(babysitter, outfit, travel expense), our guests usually give between $150 - $300 per couple as a gift. The closer the person is to the couple, the larger the gift Usually, we try to cover the cost of our meal. How do we find out? We contact the venue, or we guestimate. Noone is eating or drinking on the couple's dime at a in our culture wedding.

I have also learned on WW in other parts of the country (& other countries) giving cash gifts are not the norm. Perhaps that is why some perceive guests as getting fed or drunk on someone else's $.

For the record, I hate the idea of tickets. It is not a carnival. I wouldn't be offended if a bar closed, just tell me. Will me gift be less, no, but tongues would be wagging in our culture.

No, I would not be offended. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with a cash bar in general. Having the open bar stop after a certain point actually sounds rather nice because then your guests get free alcohol for a while, at least.

I wouldn't be offended, but it would be kind of a party pooper and unusual where I'm from. I'm not sure how much money this would save you because, as MinD pointed out, lots of people grab extra drinks if they know the bar will close at a certain time. I'm talking two to three drinks per person extra! I WOULD be offended if you did what Abigail suggested and used my tip to the bartender to pay off the tab and pay him. That should go directly to the bartender, no ifs ands or buts.

I think those who don't drink are being a little judgemental. Of course people are there to celebrate with you, AND IN MANY CULTURES THAT MEANS EATING AND DRINKING. I have been to events where they stopped serving alcohol one hour before the event ended to minimize the number of people driving home or leaving intoxicated. If I were you, I'd close the bar during dinner and one hour before the end of the reception and you'll probably be ok.

We are doing straight up beer and wine only, no hard stuff at all. We figure that everyone has to drive home from our reception (everything is local for us). Except the little vodka we are hiding for when my Step Grandmother gets out of control.

Only wine is being served at our wedding. My FH doesn't drink at all and we really don't want people trashed at our wedding. We know a few people that tend to drink waaayyy too much.

I can definitely understand not wanting to blow your budget on the bar and I think that a $ limit is the best way to go about it but as mentioned try to get the word out.... I was at a wedding 2 yrs ago (still remember it but cash bars are VERY uncommon in my area - I would say that 99% of weddings I go to are full open bars) the switch to cash happened and I didn't know and ended up stuck getting drinks for like 4 people at my table (since it was open bar just a minute ago!) with no money on me at all (I usually bring like $10 in singles to a wedding since I try to tip $1 per drink I get so 10 is MORE than enough!)

be careful with the announcing open bar is over though bc it will create a mad rush and lots of people doubling up

I think that w a 5 drink per person budget you will be totally fine though! you are going to have some people not drink/ only have one or two and others prefer to buy a mixed drink.... on average I think that 5 is very very generous

Our venue has their own bar and provides a bar tender. They suggested we have a keg or two that are free for guests and we are not permitted to bring any alcohol to the venue ourselves. We can bring all the non-alcoholic drinks we want and have it on ice so we'll provide a lot of non-alcoholic drinks. The beer is free and if the guests want any other alcohol than the kegs then it's cash bar.

Shannon B - IMO wait till after the wedding to book the honeymoon. You will be surprised at how much money you get. We paid off 2 semesters of dh's schooling and have $3000 left for future baby supplies.

When they close the bar for dinner wait staff are usually still filling people wine glasses, it's everything else you can't order

Here are things to consider. you r ending early. though our bar for wine and all booze and coctail hour came to $2500. Coctail hr went from 4-6 for us, Dinner from 7-9 (but we had the bar open throughout) and the bar didn't close till 1:30am. Also we had about 20 friends who DRINK and I mean a lot.

We are also doing beer, wine (& sparkling wine, since it is the same price), and a signature drink (prickly pear margaritas). My crowd is mostly wine drinkers; his is mostly beer/mixed drinks. We have set a limit of $1000 for about 60 people, so we will see how far that gets us. We have the option to extend it once we hit that limit, so will depend on what time it is. The plan is to cut the bar off 1/2 hr. before the end of the reception, anyway. If people do not want what we are providing, they can order (and pay for) mixed drinks from the club bar in the next room.