Would someone's family keep you from wanting to marry them?

I never thought about it before my last serious relationship, where my fortunately FMIL-not-to-be was certifiably crazy. My family always said that as long as he treated me well, and respected them, everything was fine. I'm sure they liked some people I dated better than others, but they never really interfered or treated my BFs differently.

However, if I had married my ex, I'm sure we would be divorced by now, and his crazy mom would have been a big part of it. There really is a lot of grey area here.

I too have mixed emotions about this. But it is hard when one person in a relationship doesn't get along with the SO's parents/family. My family loves my FH, but we live right down the road from my parents. We have dinner together at our house or theirs at least 2 times a week. I'm very close to my parents. FH mother has passed and his dad and stepmom live out of state. We see them maybe twice a year if we are lucky. And thats when we meet in the middle at the lake and stay in a cabin. They have not made any real effort to include me in anything or make me feel welcome. They have never invited me to stay at their house. And when we have tried to make plans to go to their house, they are always busy or have other plans or whatever. So after almost 3 years, I quit trying. We finished building our house in December and moved in and they came down in February to check things out. That was the first time they had met my parents. Step mom is a little crazy and his dad just goes along with..

It would definitely make me hesitate. FH's family can drive me crazy sometimes, but in general we get along fine. If there was actual animosity between us, or they didn't respect our relationship, I'm not sure I could deal with that.

I'm very close with my family and so I don't think I could marry someone who didn't get along with them. Luckily FH and my family get along wonderfully, so that's not an issue.

It. FH knows that I don't approve of some of the things they do so therfore he has already said when we have kids, they will never stay alone with his parents OR ride in a vehicle with them. So while they are crazy and we don't always see eye to eye. He takes my side, and he has on more than one occasion called his step mom out for not including me in something such as vacation plans or their plans to cook at MY house that they had never been to. so as long as he has my back, everything will be alright. After all, we only see them twice a year at the most! and talk some on the phone or text.

if they lived next door or in the same town and were crazy or didn't like me..there would be a problem...

I hate the saying that you are "marrying their family". No, i'm marrying FH.

This is a tough question to answer if youve never been in the situation. I also think it's important to remember - not everyones families are the same.

I moved out of country from my family. I talk to my mom & sister often. I talk to my dad & brother when I visit once a year. Not because they did anything - that's just our relationship. I have a few aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents - I also talk to them when I visit once a year.

FH's family is out of state. When we met & started dating, neither of our families were involved for quite some time. When our relationship got serious & we knew we were going to be together, we met eachothers families. Unfortunately, his family & I don't see eye-to-eye or have any form of a relationship. It's hard on FH, its hard on me & i'm sure them. It shatters that image of "happy family". But nothing worth having comes easy - and we've never thought we shouldn't be together.

Mrs. S said it perfectly to me it all depends on how he handles them. If he participates in the crazy then there is something to worry about I don't want the rest of my life to be crazy. That being said there are issues in my FH family that are out of his control like his alcoholic father. This doesn't mean that I don't love him and he doesn't lvoe me I think that if he was going down the same path as his dad then we might have issues, but he isnt. I can see having serious issues with marrying someone if their/your family didn't approve of the potential spouse.

I wouldn't say someone's family would keep me from marrying them, but rather his way of dealing with them or standing up to them for me would. If someone's mother treated me badly I would expect him to stand up for me and at least attempt to make her understand that she had to at least treat me with civility and respect even if she never loves me like her own daughter or anything. If they didn't than yes, I wouldn't marry them. Same goes with family members who are essentially leeches, if he refuses put his foot down even when it causes issues for us than that would be a deal breaker.

As for my own family not liking someone stopping me, it didn't. I don't even get along with my family, and have had no contact with any of them in over 4 years and it'll be staying that way.

No not stop talking to them but stop trying to take care of her household when he has his own household to take care of our problem with eachother is that she believes all her sons should pay her bills do what she says and put her first and I'm not allowing that he has his own bills to pay and I'm the one by his side everyday so no she doesn't get to come first his brother and new fiancee are having the same problems and yes we are already on our own so that will stay the same

Oh heck yeah, my ex's family literally threw a party when we got divorced

second ex's family was psycho they wanted me to sign a contract to shun my family forever

had an ex in high school that beat the crap out of me, his family called my family and yelled at them when we broke up cause I broke his heart

done the whole bad family thing and will never do it again

FH's family and mine get along super well, we even spend holiday's together rather than fight about time together its awesome

For me its between me and FH not our families. i am marrying him and couldnt care less if his family likes me.luckily his mom and dad like me however his grandma and sister hate me with a passion.his grandma raised him and she still thinks she can run his life and tell him what to do or not to do. the issue with his grandma and sister has caused us to break ties with them and they arent invited to the wedding.my family loves him to death. my mom says that if we ever break up again they are keeping him and getting rid of me.lol

Up until several months into our engagement, I felt like I had a really rocky relationship with the in-laws... specifically FMIL. He's the youngest of four, and I think she was having a hard time accepting the fact that he was growing up and moving on with his life, and didn't need her so much anymore. But in the last several months, she and I have really connected, and she is supportive of mine and FH's relationship. But to answer the original question... yes, there was a time that I considered postponing the wedding indefinitely. I love FH so much, but I felt so unwelcome in his family's home. Being that I come from a large family that makes a conscious effort to spend time together, it hurt me that I wasn't included in anything. Fortunately, though, that has changed, and I am excited to be marrying into a family that accepts me and seeks me out to join in family functions!

Mrs.O I'm mostly with you. I couldn't deal with the dislike of my DH family (they are absolutely wonderful and I believe you marry the family as well)

That said I guess it depends on the person. I mean if his whole family loved me except one sister that might be different. My dad is an ass (normally) and I can hardly deal with him, he was not warm at all with my DH (or any friend/ boyfriend I've ever had, or for that matter me) he also doesn't say anything and doesn't cause drama (it's just his ass/unfriendly ness personality.) Because of this I don't make my DH come with me to family events my dad will be at (unless they are very important, Christmas, grandmothers b-day etc) My dad's mom, my mom, and everyone else in the family likes my DH and is very warm so I think that makes it easier.

I have MAJOR issues with some of my Future ILs, the great part is they have no power over my life and I choose to ignore them fully. Nothing will spit FH and I up. Not even our deluded, psycho families

Yes.

They did.

If I didn't or couldn't get along with FH's family as a whole that would definitely give me pause. While I understand I am marrying FH, family is something that is very important to me and I want our kids to know both sides of our family.

Luckily my family loves FH and I get along with his family so there is no issue. I know that of there were issues he would defend me and that is what truly matters.