Would someone's family keep you from wanting to marry them?

I would definitely hesitate if there were major problems.

Without a doubt. I think that factored into my break up with my first fiance. I am not sure what would have happened if my FH grandmother hadn't liked me.

I'm inclined to agree with you, MrsO. Our families get along quite well, which makes things quite a bit easier. I'm curious to see more from others...

What's more important to me is how he deals with his family. While I don't have very serious issues with H's family, they have their share of problems. They're unrelated to me, but they can be a handful. But I think my H handles them brilliantly, and much better than I would.

It the issues were related to me, at least they would get me thinking more seriously. In many dramas that we read about though, I think the bigger issue is how the SO deals with them.

Well, since I just posted about my FMIL - I will take this personally.

Absolutely not. The relationship is between FH and myself. I believe we are meant to be together, and I also believe relationships take work, compromise and sacrifice - something a lot of people aren't willing to do.

Talla, please don't take this personally. While yes, your post was ONE of the posts that got me thinking about this topic, there have been SO many posts about problem in-laws in the past year and a half that I have been on WW.

I understand that people have different ways they would handle this type of situation, which is why I posted this. I'm just curious.

Mrs S, yes I agree with you as well.

Pardon me while I think "out loud" for a moment.

My parents have never really disliked any of my boyfriends or "friends." But if they didn't like H, it would be an issue. My parents are my role models, so I would give their opinion heavy thought. And by didn't like, I mean have serious issue with his work ethic or morals or something, not that my mom doesn't like all his tattoos.

When H and I first started dating, I thought his dad didn't like me and I was very concerned with making sure his mom liked me. He insisted they both loved me, just that his dad thought I was hard to read. I tried to make it a point to have more conversations with his father and now the man sometimes won't shut up. But I feel completely at ease at his home, with his family, and he feels the same with mine.

As per usual, I also agree with what Mrs. S has to say. We do see a lot of lopsided relationships with in laws...

Part of the reason my ex and I broke up and didn't consider marriage was because of his family. Not because they didn't like me though - they loved me, and still do. It was because I didn't want to forever be a part of a family whose crazy outweighed the not. Especially when the person I was with couldn't understand why I didn't want to be part of the crazy :/

So yes, a person's family can definitely keep you from wanting to marry them. Luckily my FH's family only has touches of kooky, not crazy, and he sticks with me no matter what. No wonder I want to marry him!

I agree with Mrs S as well. If your significant other is siding with his family, then you have a problem. I think every girl wants to feel like their the most important thing and that he'll always be on their side no matter what - and if he is doing that, then being with him shouldn't be based on the actions of others. You can't control others...unfortunately!!

I haven't come across that from FHs family and friends, but his ex has an issue, and I'm sure it won't go away. But our happiness is making her miserable, so I'll continue to be happy

I would definitely rethink marrying someone that didn't get along with my family because I am around my family constantly. We have family parties at least once a month where my whole family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparent) all get together for no reason other than just to spend time together. If I was with someone who didn't get along with my family it would really bother me, because I really love all the family time we all spend together.

I also don't think I could marry into a family that didn't like me. I think it would put such a strain on a relationship that I don't think I would want to go through with it. Luckily FH gets along with my family so well and I love his family so we don't have this problem!

To add to what I said a bit, too. There are parts of my own family I'm not very close to. There's a part of H's family that may not know he and his brother exist. My mother's father would like to make amends with her before he passes, but as far as my mother is concerned her only father, the man that raised her, passed away before I was born.

I think in general there is something to not wanting the crazy, as KristnB said. Or not wanting the whatever. If most of my or H's family did things one of us vehemently disagreed with, or lived life in a dangerous manner, or something, I do think that should give you pause.

I'm trying to think of how to properly word what it is I'm trying to say, LOL...

I would definitely hesitate. FH has one troublesome relative that concerns me down the road but he feels the same as me on the situation, so I know that it wouldn't be a huge issue should something come of it in the future. But if I felt alienated by a family or hated, or if I truly hated someone on his side, it would matter to me. It would make me hesitate. And as Mrs. S said, it really matters most how FH deals with it too.

I think there is a lot of gray area within this topic and a lot of factors that could contribute

Even though I'm pretty sure that major family problems would be a dealbreaker for me, I don't have a lot of experience to go off of, so even then I'm not sure what I'd 100% do. I've had 2 serious relationships. My first BF was an orphan and the living family that he did have, he was no longer in contact with for multiple reasons. So there was no issue about getting along with his family, there was none.

With DH, like I said, luckily his parents and family are wonderful. We have a 15 year age difference between us so in the beginning I was a little self-conscious about whether they actually did like me, but that eventually subsided. They've always been so sweet and welcoming to me.

I also like how Kristn describes about "too much crazy." I think that would be a factor for me as well, especially thinking about when I have children. "Is this the family I want for my children?"

Well I do not like my FMIL at all n she feels the same about me but I'm not going to let that stop me from marrying the person I love the way I see it I'm not marrying his family in my religion when a man marries he leaves his family and cleaves to.his wife

I would not marry someone if there was not, at a minimum, a mutual respect between myself and FH's parents, and FH and my parents. Odds are I'm going to be sharing Christmas mornings with these people one day, and I'd want it to at least be civil.

FWIW, I have broken up with someone because he wouldn't stand up for me to his parents, among many other reasons.

If we had family issues in the beginning then it would have probably gone down hill for us, our families are very different, his family takes thing personally, and they will say rude and snarky comments to him, he lets it go and just takes it, luckily none of it is about me, but if one of my siblings pulled the ish his did I'd be like "b***h please, gtfo" lol and we would be over it.

@Andrea, to each their own, but I'll counter it. When you and your FH marry, will he no longer see his family? Will the two of you be on your own? Yes, you create your own family when you marry, but to think that you turn your back on the people that raised you is a bit of a fallacy.

It's one thing if one partner in a relationship chooses to not communicate with his own family for whatever reason, but it's quite another to expect a complete break absent a VERY compelling reason.

I think Amanda put it well, there should be at least a mutual respect and civility.

I agree a lot with Mrs. S. FH's family has their issues, but he deals with them so well and I'm never involved in those issues. Which makes me love him so much more. I would say I have a good relationship with FMIL, a decent relationship with FBIL, and a weak realtionship with FFIL. However, FH isn't very close to his family due to various reasons. My family is very close and the fact that his family has issues led to a big fight between us years ago because it was hard for me to understand it all. So, yes, there was some hesitation there but we were able to work through it.

FH for the most part is nothing like his family and very much like my family. They all love him and he gets along so well with them. For me that is more important than not marrying him because of his family.

^ We're the opposite. H is very close to all his family, while I'm happy with just my parents and my one cousin who is smart and sane. It took a while to understand that intense devotion but it's really not over the top like I initially took it to be. We grew up similarly, we're both in the immediate families that "did things right" for the most part, and while both of us would defend our cousins if needed, neither of us is bailing them out of jail if they're justifiably in there.