World revolves around the In-laws?

…at work. Well my DH says “why don’t you bring my Dad”? I responded that the reason behind the tickets is that they are supposed to be used by an employee and their significant other for promotions and advertising of the company, not really for personal use. He responded again “well my Dad is technically now related to you, and he would really like to go”. I just didn’t have the heart to say to him that I really don’t want to spend a Monday evening with his Dad as I see him too much already, that he needs to cut the cord and the world doesn’t revolve around his parents. As well DH came to me the other day and asked “would you go and see a musical”. I said I would (presuming he wanted to go to one) and he responded “oh good, I thought for Christmas, you (not we) could bring my mom to see the Beauty and the Beast Musical”. I told him that the idea behind a christmas gift like that was for HIM to bring her as she is his mother, not mine. I turned the table around on him and asked

If he would be cool bringing my Mom to an arts and crafts show just the two of them….he got my drift. I know I probably sound like a complete B***H…….I do like his parents, I just don’t think we need to (or I should have to) spend more than 10 hours a week with them. Am I wrong?

(1) As far as your company tickets, no. This issue is about your company policy, not about whether you actually would spend the time with his dad. I wouldn't cave, you wouldn't want to get in trouble over something silly.

(2) Have you ever talked to him about the rest of the time you spend with them?

I didn't cave, gave the tickets back to my VP and did reiterate that the tickets were given to me on a strict policy...basically that my spouse and I are representing my company. He understood to a degree but still thought it would be "harmless" to bring his Dad. Being a Teacher (not in a corporate setting) I suppose he doesn't quite understand that tonight was mainly for business, not a socializing evening to drink Beer.

I have ducked out of evenings with his parents before and made him go on his own. I haven't flat out said that I feel we spend way too much time with them.....I guess that is your way of suggesting to me Puffins that I should be having this talk. I know I have to do it, I just don't want to be a jerk about it...as he really does love spending time with them and they really are nice people. I just don't think time with his parents should out weigh "us time" and friend time. am I wrong?

I talk to my mom mainly everyday but see each other only perhaps once a week cause she wants to see my son. I hardly talk to my father due to his work. Hes always on the road. Hes a truck driver. My FH talks to his mom every other day and his father the same. In beginning his sister would call every single hr it was crazy now things change. We went through that phase before spending it with his parents now like I dont talk to my FILs I dont go over. My suggestion is talk with FH.

I don't think it's healthy for you to spend that much time with his parents.

Once or twice a week is fine, but there is such thing as too much, & you really need to talk to your DH about this.

I live down the street from my parents, &We don't see them nearly as much as we see FH's parents. Before we moved to our house where we are now, we lived about 20 min. from my FIL's & we saw them frequently. We had dinner with them at least once a week, if not more, FMIL shops at the store we both worked at, I still work there, but Fh has a better job now, but she'd come in almost every other day to see us when we were working.

I was kinda jealous. I don't have the same type of relationship w/ my parents as he has with his. My relationship is kinda like yours is with your parents. I've gone a week or more w/out calling mine. But FMIL will pitch a fit if FH does not call her regularly. But It got to the point where I very rarely saw or spoke to my parents, &he got to see his very regularly.

(CONT) So I thought if we moved closer to my parents, we might have more oppertunities to see them. Then we lived about 45 mins from them. My dad had gotten a really good deal on a house, & so FH & moved. We still, even living down the street from my parents down see them as much. But cause we live further from my FIL's now it does balance things out a bit. Now it's only like once or twice a week for dinner.

My parents live about a 1/2 hour away and DH's parents live down the street. A half hour is not far at all, and I still don't feel the need to see my parents much. I don't know, maybe I'm a more independant person that DH. And Im not saying that it is wrong that he feels the need to talk to his parents absolutely every day; I think that is sweet that he is super close with them. The part I have a problem with is how he feels I should be as close to his parents as he is and that when he isn't around, I should want to spend my spare time with them....I don't think I said that initially. I feel like he is pushing ME to be closer with his parents, and I really don't see any need....and kinda think its weird. It would be different if he had a sister and pushed me to hang out with her (he only has a brother), but his parents???? I can't say I have the urge to get all chummy with his Dad without him there. @Jaclyn, I feel the same as you do....its not healthy to spend that much time

With them as well. I am already at the point where I don’t particularly enjoy spending time with them. I just don’t want to get to the point where I hate spending time with them…..that would be mean as I really do like them. *SIGH* a talk must be put in order. I posted today I guess to make myself realize that I have to have a sit down with DH. Thanks for the chat ladies…as always you put things into perspective.

I see that you're recently married; how recent is recent?

I know there is another bride here who once had kind of the opposite problem. Her in-laws were used to seeing her and her hubby very often - but once they were married, they kind of nested for a while and just spent a lot of time together. His parents were unhappy and eventually they reached a balance. I wonder if his parents realize there should be a different boundary now that you are married?

I don't think it's wrong to have dinner with them once every week or two, and I don't mind the idea of them frequently talking on the phone (just my opinion). But if it bothers you, then eventually it needs to come up. Do they ever come over to your place? Do you feel that it takes away from the time you could be spending with other couples?

It depends.. if I lived closer to my grandparents/or my greatgrand (they are who raised me) I would probably go see them. Before my Greatgrand died I did call her EVERY DAY! From the time she bought me my cellphone. Never missed a day until we had a huge fight, but when we got over that I still called EVERY DAY.

My grandfather I call 1-3 times a week and always have.. I am not close with my mom, but its not a bad thing for him to be close with his family. I know my bestfriend's family is that way. They talk 3-5 times a week and the ones that live in town see their mom or dad at least 1 week..

It would be nice for you to spend some one and one time with your future inlaws.. its not a bad thing they are probably completely different people when they are not around each other or their son.

But that is just my two cents..

But I wouldnt give on the work thing either.

I had an ex that used to do this - we lived around the corner from them and they were constantly inviting us over for dinner, and inviting themselves to come over to our place.

My family is not like that. We're not distant, but we don't feel the need to see each other each week. We get together every few months as a whole, and in spurts one on one. We're just not dependent like that.

Needless to say, my ex's family drove me nuts.

So I see where you're coming from. I would talk to FH and tell him that you're not accustomed to spending this much time with family, and that you're looking forward (since you're recently married) to spending a lot of time with him....

The phone call thing would annoy me. No biggy if they want to talk everyday but if I don't answer leave a message and I'll call you back, don't call over and over. I would not be happy if I got home from a long day at work and my FH felt the need to spend an hour everyday chatting with his parents.

Perhaps he needs to be a little more proactive. He just needs to tell his parents I'll call you X amount of times per a week or I'll call you everyday but it needs to be quick.

Far as being closer to his parents - well that takes time. I don't think it's weird he would like you to be closer to them but it's not something he should expect to happen soon. Something like that can take YEARS.

I do feel that I am close to his parents; enough that I have gone on my own and invited his mom out shopping with me (I brought her out shopping for her MOG dress and other occations), gone to our nephew's hockey game with out DH with his Dad....Ive made a real effort to be liked by them and to "bond" per say. I just think that DH wants MORE.....like me to be as close to his parents as he is. Ive never had that type of relationship with my own mom and Dad, so I guess its hard for me to want this with his parents. I do pick up the phone and call them every once in a while (without DH asking me to), but its like DH wants me to become best friends with his Mom and be the "daughter he never had" to his Dad. I also feel like his parents live vicariously through DH, and the thought of them doing that with me....well kinda bothers me. Either way, yes I have to talk to DH. I just don't want to hurt his feelings by letting him know that I feel that his parents are "his parents" ...

….not “our best friends” and that I am doing my best to have a good relationship with them, but feel that there is a line where it should end and I’m just not ready for it all. As I said, calling once a day is cool and seeing them once a week is even fine, it has just gone beyond that and then some. I guess the words “feeling smothered” would be a good way to express how I’m feeling….and by all 3 of them. I will have a talk with DH tonight. Stay tuned for an update ladies and wish me luck…I just don’t want to hurt DH feelings because they all have good intentions.

Katie, its like your FH is my DH twin.....the whole dinner/breakfast thing and visiting the nephew! exactally the same.

FH's mom calls like that. Except it's every twenty minutes, on both phones, from both her numbers! There are days/nights that I pop the battery out of home phone and put his cell where it won't catch a signal just to have the ringing/texting stop. When we don't answer, she harasses his siblings, who then call/text us. It's insane. If we had to see them as often as you see yours..... it would cost a small fortune in liquor.

I am on the opposite side of this. but my FH probably understands where you are coming from. He doesnt really see his parents at all. his dads his boss so they see each other occassionally at work, but him and his mom text like once a month just to check up and thats it. him and his sister, they live like 45 min apart and they only see each other on holidays. i think that is so bizarre. i talk to my mom and my little brother probably everyday. my brother lives 10 min away and we skype at night lol. i talk to my dad like 2 a week prob cuz he is super busy. Anyways! We used to go over to my parents house for everything. laundry, food, tv, hangout time, lunch, dinner, snack. lol everything. because that is just what was normal for me. one night, FH and i went on a cruise around in the country where we live and he told me he really likes me family but he was going to have a hard time continuing to like them if he had to spend so much time with them. i was really hurt at first, because cont

I think my family is pretty awesome. and i had no idea really that other families were different from mine. as naive as that sounds, it just wasnt something that registered with me. so maybe that is where your DH is at. in a family-induced happy bubble of normalcy. now, i mainly just talk on the phone to my mom and brother when FH isnt around. like on my moms lunch break and afterschool with my brother. and i started going to the laundry mat more than doing laundry at my parents. he should be willing to make a change and see things your way too. hope this helps gain some perspective.

When FH and I first moved in I would cook and FMIL would call FH to pass by to get some food and I would cook. OMG In the beginning she would call everyday to ask if I cooked. WTH?? Now she should call her daughter cause far am concern she doesn't act like a wife and more like a friend. Like 6 months after we moved a lone out of no where she stopped asking. I told her even if I dont cooked her son has 2 healthy feet and hands to cook something for himself so whats the big deal if I dont cook. lol I just got tired of her asking. She also would call to see whose in my house and not to let one of my friends over. Tanks God she wouldn't call my house phone but his cell. We dont go over their house like that my FH doesnt either.

Now for my mom I go every other weekend. If she cooked I'll go over if I didnt cook or dont want to. Like tonight am staying over cause shes going through surgery