Why Tacky to Host Your Own Engagement?

I throw my own birthday parties all the time. Since I've been an adult I threw my own party for 20 at my apartment it was a house party, 22 at a wine bar (although my dad and uncle contributed money but didn't host or attend), 24 at a pole studio I paid for 6 friends to join in a class with me, and 26 I had girl friends over for a sweet 16 themed girls night. When I turned 19 my ex through a small house party for me at his place. At 21 my dad through me a BBQ, at 23 FH through me a party. The only year I did nothing was at 25 and that year I made a bucket list of things I wanted to do that year & did them. I believe in celebrating birthdays/my life. I lost an uncle at 39 in a motorcycle accident and FH lost an uncle at 38 to cancer. I don't see anything wrong with it bc only my SO & parents ever give me something for my birthday. As an adult I don't expect other adults to buy me anything, point blank period, birthday or not. If they do they do, but its not even that kind it environment. I make all my own money and pay all my own bills, work hard 5-6 days a week, if I want to spend some of my money celebrating my birthday I see nothing wrong with that. Its rare to have many real friends as an adult if the few of them (and family) want to celebrate with me great.

I think it's so awkward to throw your own party, whether it's proper etiquette or not. Last year, I threw FH 30's birthday party. Which we happen to share the same birthday. I made the invitations specifying that it was HIS birthday party. His family got us both gifts, etc. I felt so awkward and uncomfortable like maybe they thought I wanted to be included.. which wasn't the case. Point is, don't throw your own parties. Unless it's a housewarming... I don't mind that.

@FFW - I read that in Destiny Child's voice: "I make my own money and I pay my own bills." The shoes on my feet I BOUGHT IT. The house I live in I BOUGHT IT. lmao

@mahalobeauty - I would think it's worse having a housewarming because the expectation IS to bring gifts because the person (or couple) is in a new home. Despite that I have been to housewarmings when I was younger and thought nothing of it. But now? I actually would never have a housewarming. But I'm not against someone having one.

@GymRat - Awesome! Weather has been on and off. Mornig and nights are figgin cold now.

I also assume that as long as gifts are not expected and it is informal/casual, throwing your own "whatever" seems to be ok.

@Devon - Im from Toronto and we are similar to NYC I would say. I have people asking if we will have one and we said no. They said "Then how do they know you are engaged?" "uh...we are telling you now "

@gymrat I guess that's true! I haven't been to a housewarming party.. FFIL is hosting one for himself later this month (or whenever he closes on his house) and is not really expecting gifts.. just family to be there to celebrate that fact that he finally purchased a house.

I agree with you E-Tex. We're engaged. Having a BBQ. Come eat. Have fun. Why not ?

@Devon - I would agree in that sense since the casual stuff are all nearby friends/family. No obligation, no hard feelings, no formal things. Just another reason to get together more often and celebrate. Like parties are not "dress up and look nice" events.

@mahalobeauty - Yes I see housewarmings similar to birthday and engagements except usually housewarmings imply gifts (for some reason). But if no gifts are required, no issue. These all are really milestone events in people's lives and I don't see a reason for any casual celebration for them. People actually buy/sell homes more often too so I wonder how many of those we may see in our lifetimes.

I have to agree with E-Tex and Spazzy.

We threw our own engagement party. It was more of a BBQ in my parents backyard and we invited our wedding party and their SOs. Some brought gifts but when we told them we were throwing a BBQ, we told them not to worry about bringing anything (some did anyway - it most mostly wine and then a photo album). We provided food, dessert, and drinks (alcohol and none).

My sister and parents decided to throw another engagement dinner with just the immediate families. So we went to a nice dinner at a restaurant, my sister slightly decorated the space, and my parents paid for the meal.

We live over 600 miles away from our hometown (where our families and wedding party was more locally located to) - so it was a way to just get everyone together.

We actually hound people when we know their birthday is coming up to the point where they are forced to have something. Like, "hey so what you doing for your birthday. Oh nothing? NO, you HAVE to have something!" lol

@Gymrat same here it starts about 2 months prior, what are you doing, what are you doing? Actually, on my 25th (last year) I made a point to do nothing (created my bucket list for that year) and on my actual birthday I ended up going out with one of my BM to celebrate someone else's birthday. It was SUPER lame. Sitting there watching strangers celebrate another stranger. I mean I met some cool ppl I've never seen or spoken to again but it was lame. But just getting older in general I want to turn up but I don't want to go out, so we turn up at home. My FH's at his bach in Vegas so the girls are coming over tomorrow and we're drink wine and dancing. We can drink as much as we want & dance until we sweat in our bummy clothes and then crash on the couch.

I think part of the difference between a birthday party and wedding parties is who you invite. If it's my birthday then only people that I am close to will be invited. Even then it's usually very low key text message invites.

Wedding parties start to get more complicated. Especially with bigger weddings. I'm inviting cousins that I wouldn't normally hang out with but would cause drama if I didn't invite them for a wedding. Invitations are usually more formal and mailed out. More notice is given.

In the Knot wedding planning book it says it's historically up to the couple to plan but that other people can plan it as well

IMO an Engagement party is fine to plan because it is typically not supposed to be a gift thing. But I guess in some areas it is so I guess it depends on your group.

I actually always thought the couple was supposed to throw their own engagement party as a way to get the families together to meet. I also know if you Google " do you give gifts at an engagement party?" The answer is "it's nice to give a gift if you want but certainly not expected". I know this because I was trying to figure out what do do for my brothers engagement party a few months ago because I had never been to one before.

I see nothing wrong in throwing your own birthday party! Basically you have your friends and family to celebrate with you. There is no right or wrong! It's all about your personal preference. Is a wedding reception not a party? Maybe the bride and groom should wait for someone to throw them their reception party!

We threw our own engagement BBQ - no one thought it was weird. Everyone wanted to celebrate and it was the perfect time to get both sides together before the wedding. I don't see why I should obligate someone else to pay for a party for us otherwise we don't get to have a party to celebrate? Sounds silly.

"What kind of adult throws themselves a birthday party?!"

I have - several times. No one brings gifts and I provided a full sit down dinner and wine. Absolutely nothing wrong with it.

I used to host my own birthday party but it was also a Halloween party. I provided the food and drink to. No gifts have ever been given. My friends are actually worse and they usually make you being your own alcohol.

Neither my FH and I have families so we are throwing our own engagement party. We both have many friends in other States and both of us have moved quite a bit. This is an opportunity for our friends to get to know one another and for us to interact more with our friends. We do NOT expect any gifts as the presence of our guests is gift enough. There will be a casual buffet for everyone and it will be a relaxed evening. We are older and are paying for everything ourselves. Just wanted to weigh in and say-It is Your wedding, if you want to throw your own party then go right ahead. Make it a fun time for everyone. ENJOY