Why Tacky to Host Your Own Engagement?

I see your point, Richard and Matt. And now that I think of it, never are there any candle-blowing moments at casual birthday get-togethers. No one pops out of nowhere with a cake all aflame. I guess that would be weird.

Don't throw your own party. I've never thrown myself a birthday party, if I didn't have a birthday party well, I just didn't have one.

We didn't have an engagement party and the only reason we are having a bridal shower is because our church is throwing us one. Our families are mostly out of town and a lot can't get time until the wedding.

I threw my engagement party (along with my mom). Guests were under the impression that she threw it, but I paid for a lot of it, picked up the food, decorated, etc. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. We were having a long engagement and wanted to celebrate. It was in our backyard & it was pretty casual. I personally wasn't expecting gifts but about half of the guests did bring gifts.

I've never thrown my own birthday party but I know plenty of people who have. I also know women who have thrown their own baby showers. Maybe this is a regional thing. I'm in NY and no one has ever thought it was weird to throw your own party

The only reason I would say don't throw your own Engagement party is because, like others have said, it appears you are being gift grabby. I had a friend that threw an engagement party AND a bridal shower in the month. It was a quick engagement, but we were "expected" to bring gifts to both of these events. I only say that, because she put her registry information in both the invites. I refused to buy her 2 gifts. It just didn't make any sense, and came across as greedy. Now if you are just going out to dinner with people, then that is a completely different story.

People don't go get a cake, blow up balloons and put streamers up for their own birthdays. That would be weird. I see throwing your own engagement party the same way.

Housewarming is just a different tradition, and I don't think it can be compared. Although I did think about it quite a bit!

@Caitlin, the WW checklist is created by a company designed to promote the wedding industry. Take it with a grain of salt.

I see no reason why you can't invite people for a celebration (birthday/engagement, etc) as long as you are clear on "no gifts".

Not having an engagement party, but I've thrown myself several birthday parties. I like dressing up and cooking a bunch of pretty yummy things and inviting my friends over to eat and drink! Lots of my friends do this. We don't give or expect presents. I mean you could get a present and it wouldn't be weird but it isn't the usual occurrence. You can definitely throw a party and host your friends in honor of your birthday. People do it all the time. It is not tacky.

On the same note, if you throw the same sort of party and invite friends over to eat and drink in honor of your engagement I would think it's cool and come. I would not assume I need to buy you present. We didn't throw any parties like this because it seemed unnecessary, we like to be low key about our wedding and engagement, and honestly, throwing a party like this is a lot of work we didn't feel like doing at the time (cooking, cleaning, buying the extra food and drink, coming up with recipes). Since the engagement we've thrown parties like this for holidays and such but just didn't feel like celebrating our engagement with our friends was important to us.

I just don't see how hosting a party for your birthday or any personal event is any different than hosting a halloween party or a hanukkah party. The only thing I think would be tacky would be hosting your own shower since the purpose of those are gifts. I am not having any showers either.

edit: I honestly think it's more rude and haughty to expect someone to throw you any sort of party. If you want to celebrate an occasion, don't wait for someone else to do it, it'll never happen, you have to do it yourself.

I feel like you should never plan your engagement, shower, or bachelorette and if nobody's standing up to throw you one, give subtle hints possibly about wanting those things. I was so fortunate my parents just threw the engagement and moh/BFF the shower and bachelorette. Don't throw your own:-(

I sort of organized my own engagement party before I knew any better. Luckily it was at the ILs house so I put "hosted by ILs" on the invitation. We did not expect gifts although a few people brought some. We did not open any of the gifts in front of other guests either.

All of the birthday parties in my friend circle are "I'll be at x bar at x time if you want to celebrate my birthday." No gifts but the guest of honor doesn't have to chip in for the check.

Idk where any of it comes from. If we were to have an engagement party we would host it ourselves. We don't however look at is as a gift giving opportunity. I just want friends and family to come over, bbq and celebrate with us. Our circle knows this and I doubt anyone would try and show up with anything....well, maybe beer...but that's not uncommon and would get shared with all.

As long as there is no "hey also bring a gift and honor us!," I don't see an issue with having a get together to celebrate your engagement. If FH and I lived closer to our family, we probably would have had a bbq or something to just hang out. If that is what you want to do I don't see the issue.

Also, I agree with Richard about his version of a birthday "party" being going out to eat where everyone foots their own bill (no gifts required).

Phew I'm glad you posted @Devon lol. Like Devon, I'm in NYC too and it's just a normal thing to do.

I've always gotten friends together to help me celebrate my birthday. Lately not so much because I'm getting older and I don't like people LOL! When I turned 30 I rented out part of a lounge and the venue provided alcohol and I used an outside caterer. The DJ was the person who I was dating at the time (so that was free). I specified no gifts but people brought them anyway.

Since then I've scaled back and have done restaurants. One year was Joe's Crab Shack. Two years ago it was a popular local restaurant . I remember specifying no gifts (because people are paying for their meal) and maybe a few brought gifts anyway. Around here it's just what we do and no one side eyes you for it. I guess that's why my BFF/MOH asked me if FH and I will have an e-party. I kept telling her no, it's considered rude and gift grabby and she said that a friend of hers threw her own party and she didn't think anything of it. Honestly, I didn't know it was tacky until I joined this site. I KNEW not to throw your own bridal/bach parties though.

I'll be 40 in November and I'm doing something then too but I hope to be in a position to pay for it myself. It might only be only 3 people but so what! lol

It's funny because on every single wedding website checklist I've seen, all of them have "plan your e-party." *scratches head*

So, what I'm gathering is that hosting your own informal get together seems to be okay. Formal, "bring a gift and honor me" parties are not be hosted by yourself. Yes, correct?

I throw my own birthday parties.

I am in my 30s. It's just an excuse to have friends over. Nobody brings gifts. I do not blow candles.

We have good food, drinks and fun. Carry on.

I'm blowing something on my birthday but it ain't a candle!!!

@GymRat - LOL damn girl. How was Beyonce?

LMAO!

It was great! She put on an amazing show BUT I'll never go to an outdoor venue with iffy weather. It was cold AF and the cold that was going away is back and I feel crappy. :-(

Any party that involves you receiving gifts should never, ever be hosted by the guest of honor. Period. A wedding reception is technically a party to celebrate the marriage of the bride and groom, and while gifts are usually given, they should not be expected, which is why it's fine for the couple to host it, and why no mention of gifts or registries should EVER be included with the invitation, and only passed via wedding website and/or word of mouth. The cards places give you when you register are for shower invitations.

That's the difference between throwing your own birthday party (gross) and having a party after a work promotion, where you host others by serving dinner and drinks. At the work party, gifts are not expected, therefore it's fine to host for yourself.

My nephew is throwing my engagement party. He is only 12 Grandpa and Grandma are paying for it. The only reason I told him that he could throw the party was to cheer him up. He just broken his knee and was out for the rest of his gymnastics season. We told ever no gifts just time for everyone to get to know everyone else.