Who should be invited to the rehearsal dinner when 90% of guests are from OOT?

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I am only doing bridal party and immediate family. We don't have the money to invite 50 more people and have a second reception.

For a rehearsal dinner, all you need to invite is the wedding party (the people doing the rehearsal), their SO's (gotta invite their significant others) and immediate family (usually). You do not need to include OOT guests.

Exactly how many people is that?

Whoops just reread. Never mind.

We have maybe about 50% of our 175-200 guest depending on final counts coming from OOT. It would be entirely too many people at the rehearsal if included everyone, so we're just inviting immediate family, and bridal party/their significant others. FH's parents are hosting ours as well and that small group is already about 35-40 people, so we didn't want to force them to host an additional 60+ guests.

Usually the rehearsal dinner is for everyone in the bridal party and it takes place the night you rehearse the ceremony. You know so everyone knows what order they are walking down the aisle, if the bridesmaids and groomsmen will be paired up or if everyone is just walking down the aisle by themselves.

The dinner is essentially a thank you to your bridal party for sticking with you guys throughout your life and through the entire planning process.

I am in a similar same boat. Probably 70-75% of our guest list is from OOT. FH parents have offered to pay as well, but we do not want to take advantage of their generosity and have a rehearsal dinner for all OOT guests. We are limiting it to immediate family and wedding party only. That alone is still 20-25 people. ETA- that number includes all spouses/SOs of immediate family and bridal party.

I'd say wedding party and immediate family.

@Maria - if we chose to invite more guests beyond immediate family and bridal party, we'd probably be at around 80 people. If we stuck to just BP and family, we'd be at 25. Big difference.

WP and immediate family.

I think in this situation (In which FH and I will be in the same boat as you next year) The best option is to just have it be the wedding party and immediate family (So your parents and his parents). Otherwise you might as well have the wedding the night of the rehearsal dinner lol

Just invite the wedding party.

I am in a similar situation - but with only 60% out of towners. My parents are paying for 90% of my wedding, so at the beginning of the planning phase they asked me and FH to pay for and plan the RD. We said of course, and started planning a party for only our immediate families + aunts/uncles/1st cousins/nieces/nephews (our wedding party is only brothers and sisters anyway) and I was already at 35 people.

Fast forward a few months later, my dad freaks out about what all the other out of town guests will do the night before. We had a big discussion about it and decided that we would host a "pre wedding celebration" cocktail party and invite all the out of town guests + aforementioned immediate family. We'll have an open bar, snacks, appetizers, and pizzas in a super casual setting (semi private restaurant space). It's definitely going to be expensive, but it is what's right for us and we're lucky to not have other wedding expenses bogging us down.

I have not sent invitations out yet (they're being printed now) but I've been telling people word of mouth so they can reserve two nights in a hotel if they want to come. A few potential guest have told me they won't come to town until Saturday morning so they won't be able to make the PWC (don't call it a dinner when it's not) anyway. Which I guess would be the case for a lot of my guests since it's just a three hour drive for most people - not a plane ride.

I have been invited to many out of town for me weddings where I did NOT get a RD invite and I've never thought twice about it. I don't really think there is a hard and fast rule about it anymore but maybe I just live in my own bubble . If you're feeling the need to include everyone, don't be afraid to make it super casual. BBQ, Pizzas, Beers, etc. are all totally acceptable. Another reason for the cocktail style party I'm having is I didn't want to have a sit down dinner two nights in a row. We want to mingle and move around at the PWC and I knew a sit down dinner would make that difficult for us.

I hope my experience helps you a bit! I don't feel there is a right or wrong here - just do what you can! If it's everyone - yay! how fun! If it's just the wedding party and family - yay! how fun!

I would definitely recommend just the wedding party and immediate family. We have 75% of our 200 coming from out of town and my FMIL has decided to expand the RD guest list to extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) - FIL's are paying for the RD. I can tell you that it is SO much extra stress because ultimately you are planning a second party. I think our guest list for the RD is around 65 people. I am excited to spend extra time with everyone since we don't see them often but I am not looking forward to the extra stress that weekend.

@Amanda - thanks for that! We definitely were wanting to do something more casual either way, if we do end up inviting everyone we wanted to rent out a brewery and do food trucks for catering. Nothing fancy. With less people, something more formal almost makes more sense?

At one of my cousin's weddings last year, they invited EVERYONE to the RD as it was OOT for most folks - but it was "open house" style at my aunt's house. BBQ catered, everyone just walked around and mingled. Not really a sit down sort of thing. My family absolutely LOVED it. I guess I feel pressure because of that and we wish we could do something similar but unfortunately just don't have the space for it at our house or FH's parents' house.

I really appreciate you sharing your experience!!

It's not rude at all. It's called a "rehearsal dinner' because that's what it is. A dinner to thank your parents and bridal party, and personally, i think there are a lot of reasons for keeping it that way. (and for the record, aunts uncles and cousins are not immediate family....)

It's stressful to have, in essence, two weddings. You will be on display and 'on' for an entire evening that you might want to spend in another way....like recharging your batteries for the next day.

There is the added expense of having a big party when it really should be a relaxed, short event.

If it gets too big and fancy, it looks like a second wedding, and frankly, it looks like grandstanding. It steals the thunder of the day after.

If you even have to have a rehearsal (most people don't....) keep it fast and simple and do something casual for your parents and BP. (And don't wait till the rehearsal to have your processional order together; your officiant/DOC and you should have that all hammered out before you rehearse or do the walk through.

You'll enjoy it MUCH more and be ready for the next day

@FutureHennigan your cousin's RD sounds awesome! I would love to do something like that as well.

Good luck! I'm sure whatever you decide will be just as fabulous because at the end of the day, it's a celebration of you, your FH, and your commitment to each other! Never lose sight of that!

@Celia great points it definitely would be stressful to have to host a big event two days in a row. FH and I are very low-key people so the wedding will already be A LOT out of our norm. We're ready for it and happy about what we have chosen for the day of, but I totally understand about wanting/needing to relax the night before.

Wedding party, immediate family, all of their significant others.

I have this same problem and my future in-laws offered to pay, but I know they don't have a ton of money, so I don't want to take advantage. I'm just doing my immediate family (which I'm including my step brother and step sister and my nieces and nephews since all of them are coming out of state) and the bridal party and their significant others. My wedding planner is a close friend of mine, so I'm inviting her and her husband. With my extended family, I'm closer to my mom's side than I am to my dad's side, so I would like to invite just them, but I know that would cause drama, so I'm just keeping my side small. We are going to host a brunch the morning after for all out of town guests, so that will be my time to hang out with everyone who traveled (breakfast is a lot cheaper than dinner).