Who pays for wedding reception?

I don't know about your relationship with your FMIL but it seems to me you put her in an awkward position by asking if she was going to pay for your entire reception... Please don't assume anyone should contribute.

My dad is giving us $5,000 (which we DIDN'T ask for), his parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner & have graciously offered to pay for the honeymoon. Anything over the money my dad is giving us, we're paying for. He also bought my dress, which he and my mom always planned on doing.

What the what? How old are you? You pay for it yourself. No one is "supposed" to do anything except live and breathe.

Figure out what the two of you have in savings, figure out how much money the two of you can afford to put away every month towards the wedding and add that up. Let's say you want to get married 9/2017 - if you'll have $25k saved up by then, then that's your budget.

We are paying for 75% of our own wedding. When we started budgeting and determining what we could afford, it was on the basis that nobody was going to help us. We have received some help from both of our parents, but it was never a, "So you pay for the bar, and you pay for the dress." It was just a basic offer that they came to US about once money started being spent.

It was never once a, "Hey we got engaged! How do you plan to pony up to pay for our wedding?" Just eek. Stop doing that. No.

Congrats and welcome to WW Katherine! Make sure to upload a picture for your avatar (instead of the default icons) so that we can get to know you and tell you apart from all the other posters. You can do this on a desktop computer or a mobile browser (just not on the app) under My Settings and Profile and Privacy Settings.

Here's an older article from WW on the traditional "who pays for what" with weddings:

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/etiquette-advice/who-pays-for-what-in-a-wedding

Here's WW comprehensive Budget Guide - which is a great place to start when thinking about your budget: https://issuu.com/weddingwire/docs/weddingwire-budget-guide-2016

To highlight from the Budget Guide - here's the "Who Should Pay For My Wedding?" answer:

"More than a third of couples pay for their entire weddings themselves, but most couples receive at least some contributions from family members - usually parents. It all depends on your family situation. Remember, though, if a family member contributes money, he or she gets a say in the wedding-planning decisions. And don't assume that your parents (or your future spouse's parents) will contribute financially - have an open and honest discussion with them about their willingness to pay and what they're comfortable spending."

I think unless you or your SO family says they will pay for something.. then you guys will more than likely be paying for everything. But I mean if your family is more "traditional" then you should probably discuss it with them. That's a conversation between you and your SO.

Im just echoing what other people have said but with a few personal examples.

We are paying for everything. Everything is budgeted for and we constantly update and double check our budget before booking or purchasing.

Having said that my parents bought my dress and his suit. We budgeted to buy these things and intended to but come checkout time for both cases my dad step in and paid. We are unbelievably grateful, he didn't need to and wasn't asked to contribute.

FH parents wanted to contribute in some way but their money definitely comes with strings so we have said "no thank you" to all of their offers with the exception of one: The are hosting the rehearsal dinner. Again this was already in our budget but the strings going to this one was minimal and if they decide to pull their funds we still have it covered.

If you allow someone to pay for something make sure you understand what all they expect from their money (never assume, I assumed...it was bad), never count on promised dollars, its not paid until you see a receipt and/or the actual cash is in your hand, and NEVER EVER EVER ask for one red cent.

ETA: clarity and words

I agree with what others are saying. Most couples these days are paying for their own weddings. It's nice if family members offer to chip in, but then it's also nice to not have to allow anyone else to have a say in your wedding plans since they aren't paying. Also, don't include stated gifts in your wedding budget. I was planning a DIY rehearsal dinner at my church after the rehearsal and FMIL insisted that "the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner so we'll go somewhere." I told her if she felt that way and they wanted to pay for the rehearsal dinner, she could choose the restaurant. Just last week FMIL told me that their budgeting has changed because all 3 of their children are getting married within 6 months of each other so they won't be able to afford that. She then asked me what I would think about having my rehearsal dinner at the church because it would save money (umm...duh...that was my idea in the first place!). I hadn't contacted the restaurants she told me to contact for the rehearsal dinner because I had a feeling it would change. The point is, unless the money has been given to you, don't plan on having that money!

How do people still have these ass-backwards idea that someone else should pay for their wedding?

Ew- never ask anyone to pay for ANYTHING. "Traditional" basically means nothing nowadays- and couples usually pay for their own wedding. If families want to chip in, awesome, but do not ask them to help you.

DIdn't read the comments, although Im pretty sure what they all say.

No one HAS to pay for anything. If your parents offer and are willing... great!

They are not REQUIRED to foot the bill. Don't expect them to, either.

Times have changed a lot. A lot of couples pay for the wedding themselves. My FH and I planned a wedding around what we could afford. Both his parents and my parents were wonderful and decided to contribute some to our expenses. But that was of their own free will without us asking. We actually tried to talk them out of giving us anything since we are keeping it within our financial means.

So, short answer is that there should be no expectation on either family to provide any kind of funding. You should budget out what you both can afford and take help if it's offered.

Unrelated note: when you get a chance, please change your avatar to something other than the double rings which are associated with spam posts. You can't do this on the app, but when you are on a PC, go to...Settings > Profile and Privacy Settings > Account Image > Change Image > Upload > Update Profile Settings.

PPs have provided the traditional responses, but really today you should plan for the wedding you can afford. If family offers to help that's great, but don't ask.

My parents will be paying for the ceremony and reception including food and alcohol. FHs family is paying for the rehearsal dinner and will probably be contributing to hotel expenses for us and the BMs/GMs (but we're not counting on it). We were planning to pay for everything else- flowers, dress, tux, invites, ceremony musicians, photography, etc. my dad has offered to split the flowers with me now, but I picked flowers based on a quote I was sure I could afford.

We never asked family about paying. Shortly after we got engaged my parents approached me and said "this is what we think is a reasonable amount that were willing to contribute."

Second what other posters have said, BUT to answer the question you asked about how things were done 43 years ago when I married:

Groom/Groom's family/groom's party:

Rehearsal Dinner

Marriage License

Officiate

Brides bouquet, and all bouts/corsages for parents and grandparents

Brides wedding ring

Groom and groomsmen's attire

Reception Liquor

Honeymoon

Bride/Bride's family:

Everything else.

I guess it depends. I have had friends who have divided it up that but then others who take care of it themselves. My fiance and I were going to cover it all but both sets of parents have contributed equal amounts towards it.

Unless someone offers you a bunch of money, you and your FH pay for everything.

You. You have to pay for everything, until someone offers. Even then, until it's completely paid off it falls on you.

We are paying for everything ourselves.

I can only imagine how your FMIL felt when you said to her "Hey, I heard that you were supposed to pay for my wedding!". If I were in her shoes, you definitely wouldn't have gotten an offer of any money whatsoever.

It depends on how many goats you are worth.