What would you rather choose?

If you’re inviting people to a ceremony around lunch or dinner time, you really need to feed everyone. If you’re getting married at a non-meal time, you can choose a cake and punch reception. Either way, all guests invited to the ceremony should be included.

View Quoted Comment It was going to be around 3pm

If you're going to have a ceremony, then all guests invited to the ceremony need to be invited to some kind of reception. Since you're planning on having your ceremony at 3 pm at a church and assuming that the majority of your guests are local, you can do something very simple such as hosting your guests for cake and coffee at the church after your ceremony. It can be short, sweet, and very simple, but basically--because you are inviting guests to your ceremony, you need to thank them by providing them with some kind of reception. It sounds like the cake and punch route might be a good fit for you. I don't think it would be wise (and I also think it would be very rude) to host a dinner if you're not planning to include all guests at the dinner.

It's very rude to ask people to travel and witness your union and then not host them after. Do something for the people who spent their time and money to be at your ceremony.

I agree with everyone else. If you invite people to the ceremony and not the reception, it won't go over well. The least you can do is provide them with a cake & punch/coffee/drink reception. Since you said it would be around 3pm, that's a good time to have something other than a full lunch or dinner reception.

Do what makes you and your FH happy!
You can not please everyone all the time and people lose sight of the commitment you both are making and want to attend a big party.
Just let everyone know what to expect for your day and they should prepare ahead of time. I once was invited ONLY to the church ceremony. It was an honor to witness and very beautiful. I didn't expect anything else from the couple, no linch, dinner etc. Do what makes you happy!!!

Do what you all want to do. If it were me, I would want to do a small something for everyone that came to the ceremony to show my appreciation of their attendance and mingle with our guests a bit.

Having people come to a ceremony, but not provide refreshments for them, is rude. It isn't about "pleasing people" - it's about having manners.

Your options are:
1. Small ceremony that only includes the people you plan to provide a dinner for as you mentioned in your post, followed by dinner for those people.
2. Small ceremony and larger reception.

All who are invited to the ceremony should be invited to the reception (whatever that reception may be), no exceptions.

If it's that you don't want to host people, then you should only have a small, very intimate ceremony the only includes the people you want to host for dinner.

If it's that you want to save the money to have a great vacation instead of a big to-do of a wedding, then host a simple cake and punch reception for everyone invited to the ceremony on the day of the ceremony. No dancing or anything is necessary. Everyone comes to the ceremony, then they all have some tasty cake and beverages afterwards. Nothing has to be elaborate - simple sheet cakes, some iced tea and water, maybe lemonade or punch if you want, and no alcohol (no one needs to be drinking at 3:00pm anyway). Expect it to be brief and everyone be gone by 4:30-5:00, depending on the length of your ceremony. Then if you still want to have a dinner with the wedding party and close friends, it should be either the day before the wedding or when you return from your honeymoon to differentiate it from part of the wedding.

If you are inviting ppl to the ceremony you need to host something afterward. That can easily be something like cake and lemonade for 30 minutes after the ceremony, but you need to do something.

If you choose to not have any reception, don't invite any guests. You have to feed them something.

If you only invite family and close friends to your ceremony and then take them to dinner afterwards, that absolutely counts as a reception, and all is good. If you are intending to invite more people (beyond family and close friends) to your wedding but exclude them from your celebration afterwards, that is not good. I can't tell from your post which you are planning.

It is completely fine to have a small wedding and dinner reception to follow, and there is nothing atypical about this. The only problem would be if you used "simple" and "not wanting to please people" as reasons to invite guests to your ceremony but not to your celebratory dinner.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much... its just a burden i almost lost my fh to an hit an run on easter day by some other person the least i want is to worry about a party and all i want is to spend the rest of my life with him enjoy my life with him and travel with him... its only fair and i didnt want to put it out there thats the reason i also dont want a reception i love him so much i was depressed and still am all i want to do is marry him like he want by church and go off for a whole month...

One thought - provide some drinks, maybe a simple snack or hordeourve table. And then instead of spending money on a reception that you don't want, maybe give the guests a party favor as a thank you for coming to the ceremony?

View Quoted Comment

If the reception is the stressor, then elope and have no guests at all.

I am sorry that you experienced a bad situation, but that doesn't make room for impropriety.

Also, it isn't very gracious to come to a forum and ask people to take the time to provide opinions and then only appreciate the one that suits you. If you were only going to listen to the one that says "do what you want," then why did you even ask?

That's terrible advice. It's not okay to be rude to people in the name of doing whatever "makes you and your FI happy." If you only want to worry about what makes you happy, don't invite any guests. Once you invite guests, you need to worry about their happiness too.

@Guadalupe: that's fine, but then you can't invite people you're not willing to take out to dinner to your ceremony.

It’s your wedding! Do whatever you want! Sounds like you will have a dinner with important people and incorporate the church part. It’s considerate enough. What matters is how you and your fiancé feel and your happiness!

Sounds like you don't want a reception. That's totally fine, as long as you're ok with not inviting guests. To invite people to your ceremony and not even provide them with anything afterwards, even a small slice of cake, would be the rudest thing I can think of.

I think you need to invite whoever is coming to the ceremony to the reception, as everyone else has said.

If this means a small number at the ceremony who go on to a full dinner, that's one option, but it's quite rude in my opinion to turn to half your guests and be like "okay, see you later, we're all going to dinner without you. Adios!"

It's completely understandable after your situation that you just want to be married without the rigmarole, but there's no getting around the fact that it is likely to cause offense amongst your guests.

The punch and cake or coffee and cake option sounds like a great one - I don't think it has to be much, but there must be something.

So we had a similar situation. We were planning a wedding w/ 100+ guests, but it was going to be expensive and FH said he preferred to spend on the honeymoon. So, we cut our guest list in half; picked a smaller, less expensive (but more beautiful) venue; and decided to do a dinner only reception. I agree with the posters who say “do what you want” and I also agree with those who say “you have to do SOMETHING to thank your guests for coming.” If you feel comfortable not hosting your guests (and dealing with the potential criticism that comes with the choice) then DO IT! But if it’s that stressful, maybe try to figure out where you can make some sacrifices for what’s most important to both of you.