What would you do?

In this situation, I would have it in CA but I would sit down with my fiancé in order to find ways to save money: for example limit flowers or have a flowerless wedding ( we're doing this , not even a bride's bouquet nor bout/corsages for my fiancé, parents,g-parents), you can save on save the dates/invites with minimalist design & enveloppes or you can even send them by email , consider small,non-floral centerpieces, skip the most expensive foods & dishes: sea food, caviar,salmon... have a naked cake (skip é,icing, decor on it but the cake won't be less delicious).

If you're planning to offer alcohol, only serve beer & wine, limit the number of hours of your shooter: for example we're skipping the getting ready &after dinner photos (guests dancing, mingling etc).

If having most family and friends there is more important to you than the formal wedding stuff , consider having simple & minimalist dress, shoes, hairstyle & make-up . The venue is the most expensive area along with catering so you should consider cheaper options: restaurants, wineries,universities/colleges rather than ballrooms/banquet halls.

There are other areas you can save on, so you can tie the knot in CA in front of your loved ones.

I agree, I would try to find a lower cost location in CA. Having loved ones there is most important to me, and traveling makes some people nervous with COVID. Luckily cats are pretty self-sufficient, only need to be checked on once a day. Or if your cats are able to regulate their food intake on their own, I've left my two cats alone for up to four days with several big bowls of food and water out for them. Congrats!

Honestly, I would have it in Virginia. There's a lot of moving pieces to planning a wedding and being local makes it much easier. Can you maybe ask some of your VIP friends and family how they feel about traveling to Virginia for your wedding? Personally, I feel like it makes sense for the couple to have the wedding near where they live and I will travel if I can.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. If they love you, they'll be there. My cousin got married in India and they were pleasantly surprised how many people were willing to fly around the world for them. Cali to Virginia is nothing by comparison!

My BFF had this situation!! she just did it in the state she was in. i personally would have done it in california but i do think it makes sense to do it where you're at because at the end of the day you are the one planning it so that woulda been hard

It’s really not hard to plan a destination wedding, so don’t let that deter you from VA vs CA. I’d figure out your budget and then start researching venues in both states to see how far it’d take you, and go from there.
You can also consider locations close to CA that are a lower cost.

I think this is a "know your crowd" situation, like do you think your friends and family in California financially able to travel for your wedding? We went with where the majority of our guests were located, which also happened to be where we lived.

TBH other than an engagement session with our photographer and tastings with our caterer and cake baker, we didn't meet any of our vendors in person until the day of, so it's def possible to plan a wedding across the country.

If you want to plan for CA you can also try to book an all inclusive venue. I know Wedgewood Weddings has them all over the state.

All of the above answers are great! Make sure your decision is the one that makes YOU happy. Have you thought of a lunch time wedding? That's what I chose to do to save money. We have rented a dining yacht for their lunch time sailing and its saving us thousands. It is so great because people that might be traveling from VA will have a fun activity if u get married on a boat and our particular company includes the DJ, cake cutting, champagne toast, full dining service with tables and linens. More than half our wedding was planned and booked with one phone call by choosing this option. Also CA has beaches and that is always a less expensive option. Think outside the box and think about what you truly want

As someone who lives in and is planning a wedding in Southern CA, my advice would be to have the wedding in Virginia. Weddings are ridiculously expensive here, not only the venues but the vendors as well. If we didn't live here locally, I would not be planning a wedding here. I have friends in other states that spent SO much less and had very beautiful weddings, many times in much larger venues that would cost a lot of $$$ had they been in CA. Also, I don't know about you, but I like to see things before I commit to them especially for something so important as my wedding, so you'll probably want to be close to your venue. For example, the church we're getting married in doesn't have a huge online presence/pictures, but it's beautiful and charming in real life. There's even a garden on the side that will be perfect for pictures, but I wouldn't have seen it had I looked at it online only. Lastly, a wedding is a great excuse for guests to travel somewhere new. My FH and I have traveled to a few different states for friends' weddings and they were all so fun, we would do it all over again! So many of our out of state and out of the country friends/family have also assured us they wouldn't miss our wedding, so many people will be traveling for ours too. I would say do what works best for you, and the people that want to be there will be there!