K
Devoted September 2019

What was your living situation like after marriage?

KT4ever, on September 20, 2019 at 7:35 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9
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DH & I are in a unique living arrangement after the wedding. Within the past year, I graduated from my master's program and within 8 months, we were engaged & married. I'm currently going through a career transition and now that the wedding is over, I can really focus on networking and getting my job.

Our parents live within 5 minutes of each other. We have furniture bought and saved up from both of our ends. To save money, we decided to stay at both of our parents' house. We are paying them for the spaces and saves SO MUCH. Where we live, our city is an up- and-coming tech town. It costs 1 million+ to live in the city and suburban homes are at $800K+. An acquaintance of mine just got married - her now husband works for Microsoft and they had to end their apartment contract and move back to her parents' home to save up. We are giving ourselves a year to save up and find homes within the area (it's actually a good area to raise kids with a reasonable commute to the city). An apartment would cause more stress/finances (very expensive as well) and it just makes more sense to wait a bit so we can move all of our stuff and furniture into a permanent living space vs. temporary.

We do have some family members who find it so humorous we're doing this but I have to ignore it bc it's the smart solution for us right now and we're okay with staying at home for now. We know of other family members who went from parents home to apartment to parents home to apartment, which to me, seems more chaotic. There's also a family member who had kids before she got married & now they're stuck at her parents house forever (NOT to shame those who had kids before hand). My friend (who also just got married) said that this is a smart solution and there could be worse situations. The reason why we're staying at both is because it's more balanced (and the parents are within close living spaces). In my experience, I've found that it's easier for the woman's family to accept her husband in their home VS. the other way around. My in laws are good but I feel like it wouldn't be a good situation if I was there 100% of the time. His parents are also strict penny pinchers. His dad would charge us extra for cooking or using their kitchen...even if we cooked for them - so that's the balance.

I also find reassurance that many of my co-workers have told me that if they could go back and change things, they would live at their parents until they saved enough but not they're stuck in their leasing contracts.

Any suggestions on how to save up?

9 Comments

  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    We live with my husband's parents. We got married aboutttt three months ago also so still very newlyweds also looking to save up money for a home. Where I'm from it's also really expensive for a house. We are currently actually looking at some more affordable options for us but nothing we are super set on getting just yet.
  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    We bought our first home together 6 months into our relationship and will obviously still live together after the wedding. We plan to put this house on the market ASAP and start looking for a home that can accommodate a growing family. I’m glad it works for you, but I could never marry someone without living with them beforehand.
  • Caitlin
    Dedicated August 2020
    Caitlin ·
    If this works for you, then that’s great! I think it’s different for everyone. But I also can’t imagine living somewhere where you can’t find a place for under $800k...seems a little extreme? Maybe move a bit farther out for a more affordable location. I can’t imagine that too many newlyweds can afford that!
  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
    View Quoted Comment
    Yes!!! Living together for at least a year beforehand was a mandatory requirement for H and I. Parents were strongly against it but we're both adults. It was important for us to be sure we were compatible financially and be able to share a space and balance between alone time and time together.
    We would love to buy a home but it's not in the cards for us yet. We both refuse to buy a home in IL (thanks ridiculous taxes!) and H has been working a job where he really loves being so instead of possibly moving south, we're going to stick around for a while longer into a larger apartment because babe on the way will need a bedroom!
  • K
    Devoted September 2019
    KT4ever ·
    View Quoted Comment

    It's everywhere around the city and most of the state. The town that we live in now - it was NOT like this even 5 years ago but our city is an up and coming tech city with google, facebook, apple, and everyone moving in. Residents in the city are moving out to live in the suburbs. The used homes here at $600K. We would have to live out of state. My cousin lives in North Carolina and her brand new house is $300k!

  • Kelly
    Super October 2019
    Kelly ·
    Where do you live? Silicon Valley?
    FH & I moved in together in October 2018 after we got engaged. It was a move that his dad was very against (he doesn’t believe in living together before being married) but I refused to marry someone that I didn’t live with beforehand. The first 3x mos. of living together was hard - we were getting used to living together & planning a wedding. It’s much better now.
  • Peggy
    Master November 2019
    Peggy ·
    This is our second apartment together and buying a house is more of a priority for him than me. I want a house one day when we can afford it but I’m in no rush. He just got out of the army and is in school and I’m a teacher doing the best I can. But I wouldn’t be marrying him if we weren’t living together. After living with two boyfriends earlier in my 20s I need to know we can make it work first. I could also never live with my parents at this point. But I know people who do it and they’re happy with it. We’re also thinking of moving to a different city when he graduates where the cost of living is lower.
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·

    I would pick one parent's house so you aren't paying two rents.

  • Cassi
    Super October 2019
    Cassi ·

    I had an apartment and FH rented a house with his best friend when we first started dating. I have a little one from a previous relationship who spends 40% time with his dad. When he was with his dad I would stay those nights with FH. After about 9 months his lease was ending and mine was ending 3 months later so we terminated my lease early and resigned at his house together. We have been there for just about 2 years now. We have looked at a lot of different houses but decided we would wait this lease out and buy when its up (which happens to be after wedding). We are actually using wedding money for a down payment!

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