What to write in Thank You cards to guests who didnt give gifts? 80% of our guests did not bring gift or card!

Ladies relax getting into an argument isn't going to help this lady out.

I was surprised at the number of family and friends (all on my side not groom's) who brought nothing. It bothers my mom more than it bothers me but hey-

Much as I don't agree with that (I always go to an event with something in my hand), I wanted those people at my wedding either way.

Miss manners is 450 years old and thinks you don't have to provide alcohol. I don't trust her.

I am still bothered by the fact that several extremely close family members who are like sisters to me did not even bring a card. One of my cousins even specifically requested that her 10-year-old son get the adult buffet and not a child's meal because he would "be offended' if he received a kids meal. I also paid for their hotel room for the night.. They knew we paid for the wedding ourselves, and we also paid for 12 hotel rooms for the night of our wedding including theirs. Not even a card. It still bothers me to this day the audacity. Especially when one of my cousins is a nurse and her husband is a doctor...

I find it so rude of a guest to show up without AT LEAST a card. The very least you can do as a wedding guest is being a card with well wishes for the couple. I completely understand that you can't always afford a gift or a check, that's fine. That's not why I invite someone to my wedding. But I feel it's just courtesy to bring a card (can be a simple card, with a handwritten message) to the couple. The wedding couple is held to standards of etiquette when hosting their guests. It is polite as a guest to bring something to the couple hosting you. But I'm also the type of person who never goes to a friends house for game night empty handed (either I make snacks, desserts, bring alcohol etc). OP I don't think you're wrong to not send thank you notes to people who don't bring even a card.

We are having a relatively small wedding (approx 50-60) this will be my mother, our adult children and close friends that we have both known for about 20 years. Most of our friends live paycheck to paycheck. I really don't expect to receive any gifts at all and will actually be surprised if my card box has anything in it at all. I did make a small registry and tried to keep gifts under $50 just incase

This feels weird to me- we constantly post how tacky it is to ask for gifts-- all the proper etiquette --- but now I'm reading post after post that shows the high expectations-

I don't think I'd bar an eye of no one brought me a gift-

Would I skip it at someone else's wedding? nope- no way...but to say "you" (to no one in particular) don't expect a gift then balk about not getting one or a inexpensive gift is distasteful.

@OP, I'd send thank you notes too. I hate to use a somber event as a comparison, but when my late husband died, I wrote a note to every single person who signed the book and that I remembered was there, saying 'thank you for coming' to his service. I intend to do the same at my wedding this time around, too. It's polite and shows you valued their company in my opinion.

Go for it. You asked, so my guess is that's what you were raised to do. So do it if for no other reason than to make sure you feel things are settled at least from your end.

Best wishes to you and your new hubby!!!!

We just said something along the lines of "thank you so much for celebrating our day with us. We were so happy to have you there."

Again, that is a very high percentage. I really think something happened. Call your venue, your DOC, that there are people you cannot believe did not even bring a card, please look around. Things get hectic at the end of the night, people are tired and forget. My venue DOC took my top tier of cake and wrapped it for me, thought she gave it to my parents like she was supposed to. They thought I had it. My ex MIL had it, didn't realize it and ate it!

I really am shocked by the 80% no gift thing. I have never attended a wedding without bringing a gift. You think that you would bring a card at least and write something nice. Weird

As far as being robbed of her gifts, the OP already raised that possibility. Back on page two, she wrote, "My DOC was around the card box all night and said no one ever came over and tampered with it and I took it home that night to be safe."

I'm not sure how the woman was chained to the card box all night -- considering the fact that she was the point person for a large, fluid event, so I do think it's possible that something happened to your envelopes. Possible, not probable. Not bringing a gift or card to a wedding isn't new, but eight out of ten guests opting out of gift giving does have us looking for answers besides the most probable one -- which is, they didn't want to.

Speaking to the issue of theft, I know a lot of brides have their three tiered DIY card boxes on tables set up around the entrance to the room, but I honestly prefer the birdcages/mailboxes that sit right next to the couple's sweetheart table. The container is always on display, and stealing from it would be a difficult endeavor. Ladies and gentlemen, keep your card boxes next to your dining table.

We all know that we haven't broken the law if we don't bring a wedding gift, but I do think a gift belongs to the happy couple. However, that story about the doctor who called another doctor to complain about a bowl given to his daughter on her wedding day, is not funny. The second doctor had every right to be offended by such a disgusting phone call. And by the way, let's not all assume that the gift was one plastic bowl from the clearance shelf at TJ Maxx (I received a 150 year old, hand cut, lead crystal bowl for my wedding 35 years ago. That would fall under the category of "a bowl", as well). For all we know, it was a very expensive, handmade piece (my late FIL paid $900 for a hand-crafted basket from somewhere in the world -- yes $900). I think the doctor wanted cash, didn't get, felt he didn't get his money's worth from the other doctor, and decided to take it up with him. Rooting for that behavior is troubling.

I'm going to chime in with a clearly UO.

I would still send a thank you card for being there to celebrate with you.

Yeah I had 75 people and got 4 gifts. Which obviously I'm not looking for gifts but yeah I was surprised myself.

Nothing! No thank you card should be sent to guests who didn't bring a gift

You've already thanked them in a speech and with the reception. There is no need to send an additional thank you to those who didn't bring a gift.

I believe it is proper etiquette to send a thank you note regardless of receiving a gift or not.

I would still send a thank you for spending their night celebrating with you card. Because I mean why not right? I definitely always gift and couldn't imagine not, BUT it can't hurt

I'm torn- on one hand I agree with @muriel that sending a thank you note might come off as passive-aggressive even if you have entirely pure intentions.

On the other hand- if I received a thank you card from a wedding that thanked me for attending but did not mention the gift I gave, I would probably follow up to ensure that they received the gift. So, if you had gifts stolen or lost or sent to the wrong address or something, that could definitely help solve the mystery.

^^Cupcakecardinal has a great point. If gifts were stolen or lost, this would solve it.

I didn't have this issue, but I did have several people very close to me not bring a card. I had to message my mom about my uncle not bringing one because I was so confused by the lack of one- it's definitely not like them. Also, one of my BM's didn't get a card. I don't think gifts at weddings are required by any means, but I always bring something, and I do think a basic card is required!