What things do you not care about?

I think Covid and recent natural disasters (fires, hurricanes,etc.) have taught us to be flexible. Therefore, I do not think dates should be engraved on anything, as plans have had to change so many times for brides in recent years.

I only REALLY care about a few things (other than marrying the man I love). I care about are the dress, the cake, the food, and the table decor. The only things my fiance cares about are what he wears and that his friends don't have to wait on a long line at the bar. We are not having attendants, a rehearsal dinner, signage, special dances, videographer, photobooth, or any number of things that would be considered traditional/common.

If my guests want to wear tuxedos and ballgowns, great. If they want to wear jean shorts and flip flops, go nuts. If you are upset that you don't have a role in the wedding or don't like the colors we've chosen, I have a great therapist I can recommend.

My first wedding (when I was in my 20s) was one giant compromise with what other people wanted. I didn't even wear the dress I wanted to wear. This time I am 48 years old, I'm paying for it, and it will be exactly what my fiance and I want. I'm very excited about not caring about things!!

Pre-wedding events. This might be because I only have my little sister and teenage cousin as bridesmaids, but I'm not about that weekend-long bachelorette party life. And I don't expect anyone to plan it for me. We'll probably go to a spa or have a slumber party.

My FW's mother will probably throw us a bridal shower but I don't expect anyone else to do so.

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out, but I don't think I'll feel that way a few years from now.

Signs, favors, cake topper, gifts for people, a shower.
We did without all of these things.

I am TRYING to not care about decorations and signs, but man it's so hard when you look at wedding photos. Most important to us is the food and party atmosphere for our guests, so that is where our budget expanded.

For myself, it's not so much not caring about traditional stuff (though, the proposal boxes for your bridal party and these out of control bachelorette weekends are a hard pass for me. We're doing a brunch as my bachelorette and I simply just asked the ladies) but about not caring about the "traditional" way to do it, and instead making it our own.

For instance our cake topper is ... different. It's a very beautiful hand designed wooden sign post that matches our invitation font and says "Finally" (we're both in our mid to late 30s and its both of our first marriages). Our table names are all sarcastic (The Money for our parents, Spousal Support for the bridal party's partners), and the bubbles we're handing out for the ceremony have custom labels that say "Blow me... it's our wedding day!"

I like tradition, but I'm also wearing mostly black. My bridesmaids all got to pick whatever they want to wear (I just specified the color) and my MOH is actually wearing a lace jumpsuit.

We're not doing the garter toss, bouquet toss or a money dance, cause I don't like those.

I think our biggest break from tradition however is that my entire family (except my parents) are not invited. Including my brother. Instead we're having another reception 4 months later on that side of the country.

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Orianna -- I absolutely want to go to your wedding. It sounds like it will be so much fun!

View Quoted Comment YES!!! This exactly! We don’t care about most the “traditional wedding” garbage either. We’ve had a few of my fiancé’s family members express their dislike for some of the choices we’ve made… and our response has been “well it’s a good thing it’s not your wedding then!” Being on this forum, I have seen waaaaaay too many couples get bullied and guilted into having a wedding they don’t want and that doesn’t reflect them at all. We knew right from the start that we would make this event that is all about us, completely what we want. It’s nice to see other couples standing up for what they want on their big day!

View Quoted Comment Thanks! I’m going for a very classy string quartet ceremony with candles and lanterns and then when you get to your table you realized you’re at the “Dazed and Confused” table (fiancé’s friends) or the “This Could Have Been an Email” table (my coworkers).


We’re having a photo of my fiancé’s grandparents on our cake table (we’re getting married on their anniversary) but also our cake has a giant curse word on top. My dad and I are starting our dance to The Godfather theme (we’re Sicilian) Before going into an upbeat number. We’re cutting our beautiful white and gold cake to “White Wedding” by Billy Idol. we’re having an amazing 3 course plated dinner. And then at 9pm we’re having a French fry bar and a make your own ice cream sandwich bar. I’m all about the juxtaposition.
We’re trying to be a bit traditional without losing us. Though I did have to veto my fiancé’s suggestion that our first dance be to Buck Cherry’s “Crazy B” cause my dad is gonna be in the room… 🤣

One of our more impactful choices was not utilizing our family and friends as helpers-- we hired out. Event volunteering is a tradition with my side (maybe not necessarily WW), so my family was shocked to not lift a finger. All of our family and friends selected attire of their own choice and were free to enjoy themselves.

What we didn't care about: optional parties, wedding attendants (only 1 and 1), most signage, parent dances, tosses, cake, rehearsals, honeymoon. What we did care about: guest comfort incl. valet, more bartenders, food level, welcome bags, group transport, fashion, decor (to an extent), our Church. After reading wedding dos and don'ts, I think it's ok to make your own priorities. It's your money after all.

I don’t want to say that I don’t care, but I’m allocating very little of my budget to my dress. I care about making lasting memories with my guests and even things like my wedding band, which I’ll be wearing forever, or photography, since that’s what we’ll actually be able to look at years from now. I just can’t bring myself to blow all this money on an 8 hour gown. I totally get why people do and love looking at other people’s expensive dresses, but I can’t wrap my head around doing it myself. Also floral. Kind of the same idea, since we’ll be in our ceremony space for 30 minutes max and our reception space for 4 hours. Our venues are pretty enough without Pinterest decor. Obviously I’ll have some, but that’s definitely an area where I’m not planning to blow the budget.

View Quoted Comment Love everything about this!!

We aren’t doing favors, signs, programs or menus. And we are an older couple so no need for a shower. I’m also not doing bridesmaid proposal boxes or gifts. I found pretty letter-pressed cards on Etsy to ask them but that’s all I plan on doing to ask them. I will give them a gift during the rehearsal dinner and plan on paying for their hair and makeup if they want it professional done.

The save the date invites