What makes a wedding "black tie"?

Well, obviously dress code (tuxes for men, gowns for the ladies) is a huge part of black tie, but that isn't all. I think what makes something black tie is the quality of the affair- valet service when you get there, cocktail hour with passed apps by well-dressed waiters, plated dinner with several courses, and top shelf open bar.

Black tie has less to do with what people wear and more to do with the level of service--valet parking, seated multicourse dinner, live band, wait staff in tails, top shelf liquor. Yes, there are rules to how you dress for black tie, but that comes second. First, you provide black tie service, for which you can then require black tie dress.

At least, that is how I understand it.

Like 8815 said, a black tie affair is a formal event, its more than just attire. When I hear black tie I think evening, sit down dinner, ballroom style venue...very traditional I suppose.

It's a top of the line, evening wedding with every service you can imagine. White invitations with black engraving, white glove tableside service, a wine specialist who can help guests chose a selection from their extensive wine list that goes best with their entree, valet parking, uninterrupted live entertainment, multi-course gourmet meal, and, of course, top shelf, open bar.

An afternoon buffet with a soft bar is not a black tie wedding.

An afternoon wedding with a buffet dinner is definitely not black tie. Her attire request is totally inappropriate and the few people who may follow it will feel very over-dressed.

Thanks ladies. So the back story here is my best friend (lets call her R) and I were discussing not-so-black-tie friend's (lets call her J) wedding and how inappropriate her attire request was. I love J to death but she doesn't always have the best common sense. J had told us how upset she was that none of her guests showed up in black tie attire and a lot wore semi-casual outfits (aside from me and R who were clearly waaaaay overdressed in cocktail dresses) and when we tried to explain to her that the reason for it was that her wedding wasn't black-tie appropriate she got more upset and claimed that with the amount of money she spent she expected guests would spend the money to be dressed to the nines.

Anyway I was hoping I could find a bit more evidence to support our statements through you ladies and I'm glad I did. Maybe this will help her understand why her guests' choice of attire was okay for her wedding and move on.

I actually think it's rude of the guests that they did not respect her request. Just because it was an afternoon wedding and buffet etc doesn't mean that wasn't her idea of formal. Some people do things and we may not understand why but in her view this was formal and she requested it in our invite, shame on them. Black tie means formal, tuxedos, gowns. This was her "formal". Your friend is right to be upset.

Uhhh no... you can't expect guests to shell out $100s on tuxs & gowns if they're not getting a true black tie experience.

I've been to one black tie wedding - the invitations were engraved in gold leaf and had pieces of tissue in between each piece of the invitation. There were servers in tuxedos handing out appetizers and taking drink requests all night - top shelf alcohol, an amazing band, 4 course plated meal. It was amazing, but cost a fortune to put on.

Also black-tie really can only be an evening wedding.

I think your friend didn't want an actual black tie wedding. She just wanted people to dress up and look nice. I can understand that, I am worried people will be too casually dressed at my wedding.That being said, I would never write I was having a black tie wedding just to try to get people dressed up!

I think very few weddings are actually a true black tie affair.

I've never been to a black tie party, but my idea of one is like what CeCe describes. Basically the fanciest party you can imagine.

Black tie affairs are huge expenses to guests. You can't demand your guests to dress like that just because you want your pictures to look like it. If you want your guests to be in black tie, you have to put on a black tie party.

Completely agreed that you can't expect black tie attire without providing black tie service. Personally, I would not wear a gown to an afternoon wedding, regardless of whether the invitation says black tie. Don't know why, but I just feel like it requires an evening atmosphere.

Honestly, as long as her friends and family were there to support her on he wedding day I don't think she has a right to be angry that people didn't don tuxes and gowns for her buffet dinner.

Actually technically black tie traditional is considered "semi-formal", the most formal is white tie (men is white bow ties and tails) in the evening, but hardly anyone does this.

Our wedding is going to be black tie optional ( optional since I do not expect my guests to shell out money for tuxes), my FH and his guys are wearing tuxes, this is because most of them love to dress up and already own the tuxes. My dad is going to wear a tux, not sure about the rest of the guests. My mom is going to wear a beautiful cocktail dress.

A black tie wedding has many elements that make it a black tie wedding, I can list some which we have our wedding:

-An evening start time

- a sit down dinner

- a medium to large bridal party, BM's in long length dresses men in tuxes.

-Traditional, formal looking invitations ( our where black and white) with formal script.

- The bribe wears a dress with a long train or long veil.

-Valet

- A ballroom or other large venue.

- Large floral arrangements, I am carrying a cascade bouquet.

- Black tie weddings tend to be larger, but you could have a smaller one. Our wedding is going to be about 300-400.

-A black tie wedding generally has live music not a DJ or ipod, we are having a 10 piece big band, classical music for the ceremony, and a piano player during the cocktail hour.

That is all I can think of right now, hope this helps!

Black tie? Plated meal. Evening reception. Hotel, resort, country club, or some other expensive and extravegantly priced venue. Caligraphy on very plain and formal looking invitations.

Uhhh...a black tie experience is not always the way YOU interpret it. She said her friend spent a lot of money of what she considered black tie. You don't know what she defines as black tie and she specified that it was black tie, in tunr saying her wedding was what she considered black tie to be.

Also, I don't think we should demoralize someone on what they felt a black tie is. This what she wanted and people should rspect that no matter what you think a black tie event "should" look like.

Actually there is black-tie basic guidelines and etiquette, as all the ladies have said previously. It's not an interpretation. SHE tried to interpret it in her own way and it clearly didn't work.

No one was "demoralizing", even the OP clearly stated she knew it wasn't a black tie event. She asked what makes a wedding qualify as black-tie, and the general answers were the same.

I'm not going to go back and forth on this. Guess she shouldv'e posted on WW before planning her wedding to get expert opinions

@Lucky me....obviously the guest used their better judgement and had a better understanding on the definition of black tie that the bride herself did...and at that, a guest cannot be FORCED to adhere to dress requirements that the host is only able to request, not demand. What was she going to do? Kick people out for not following the black tie dress code? IMO the guests did right by not following her (pipe dream) wishes and obviously saw that based on the time of the event and most likely the location that they saw on the invitation and opted for a dress better suited to their location

Lucky me, "Black tie" has a specific definition and refers to a specific level of formality and service. It's not subjective. While I might agree that 'formal' is a more general term and what qualifies as 'formal' may be up for debate, 'black tie' is not. Black tie has a concrete definition.

Nicoletta, thanks for mentioning white tie. I've heard that term before I was wondering what the difference was. Saved me a google

Lucky Me - no one on this thread agrees with you because you are wrong. Black tie events DO have a standard, and it's not just what the bride "feels" was black tie.