What are your 'pet peeves' (wedding related)?

Wedding Related Pet Peeves in 2021:

People inviting themselves to a wedding

Watching quite a few snobby brides on here talk down on people for choosing to do things they don't do/like/agree with/are comfortable with

The judgment of different wedding event experiences

Thinking couples who host 'adults-only' weddings are rude

Calling an aspect of a wedding "overrated" like all things wedding related aren't 'overrated' in some degree

The name change debate

Cash Bars

Parents' comments about wedding costs when they're not paying/contributing

Not RSVPing or providing addresses then getting mad about no invite

Bridezilla Bridesmaids!

1) When guests not in committed relationships assume they get a plus one/guests with kids assume their children are invited.

2) When family asks you to invite people you don't have a strong personal relationship with.

3) Brides dictating every detail of their bridesmaids look without any regard to the maids style, comfort, or budget.

4) Anything involving a public "garter". I don't want to see it, I don't want to see someone retrieve it, and I don't want it thrown around the room.

5) Brides/grooms with expensive and outlandish shower and bachelorette/bachelor party expectations.

6) Separate venues for wedding and reception (when transportation is not arranged for guests).

7) Cash bars.

My favorite wedding thing I don't often see but always enjoy? A glass of champagne when you arrive, before the ceremony even starts!

View Quoted Comment Yeah that's not cute. Parents who don't want to watch their children at weddings shouldn't bring them.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. If the couple considers themselves in a committed relationship by the time invites go out, they need to be invited as a couple. No time limit or other arbitrary rule.

Multi-day bachelorette parties. Agreed with others who made this point - most bridal parties nowadays are not friend groups. Most of them are several girls who the only thing they have in common is a friendship with the bride. I also think it's generally discourteous to ask people to spend that much money and time on a bachelorette party, when you are already expecting a lot of both of those things even without some multi-day binger.

And here's a vendor one for you, from when I was a videographer once upon a time...

Feeding your vendors last. Get the heck out of here with this. Vendors should be fed first, always. Nothing was worse than going to a wedding, which I was expected to be at the bride's prep at 10:00am and work through until dinner at 7:30pm, and then finding out JUST KIDDING, you don't get to eat until all the guests have gotten their plates, which means you aren't eating until 8:15, and the speeches start at 8:30. So you maybe have enough time to shovel down a dinner roll and two bites of chicken. Your guests aren't expected to be at your wedding until 4-5pm. They had time to get lunch. Your vendors almost certainly haven't. They should get a full mealtime. Make sure your vendors get their food first.

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Agree on the bachelorette trips. A nightmare for anyone who is remotely introverted, never mind breaking nonexistent budget.

That is not acceptable for vendor meals. People do that and expect perfect service?? But those same people probably want you to teleport to McDonald's on your own dime too.

I had to come back here because an article jogged my memory...

This is one that it doesn't matter whether I'm a guest, a bridesmaid, or a vendor:

When toast-givers use the toast as an opportunity to disclose embarrassing and/or negative things about the bride or groom or couple.

You would not believe how many people do this and how many people think they are either utterly hilarious for it, or that they are saying something soooo heartwarming.

Real-life examples I've witnessed:

One wedding where every toast giver referenced the "dark times" the couple had been through. Variations of, "you went through the trenches, but came out on top," "you two went through some dark times, but you're still here together and that's what matters...." I don't know what those dark times were, I can only speculate, but I can tell you not only was I uncomfortable, but a glance at the couple every time they were mentioned indicated they were, too.

More than one wedding where the MOH thought it was a great idea to make it abundantly clear how promiscuous the bride was before getting with the groom. I don't know if this is some new-age feminism jab ("look, women can bang a bunch of people, too!") or what. Listen: there is nothing wrong with anyone having an active sex life, but that information doesn't belong in a wedding toast being told to all of their families. Bride or groom, leave stories about their past romps for the bachelor/ette parties.

A wedding where the best man told the entire room the story of how he and the groom literally burned the family house down. .... what? I was speechless. This wasn't a joke. They were playing around with fire and actually destroyed the groom's family's house. And he thought this was a funny anecdote to put in his toast. I scanned the room on this one - everyone else was as slack-jawed as I was.

And one last pet peeve, still relating to toasts:

When the toasts have nothing to do with the couple. This was done at my wedding - my husband's aunt told a long-winded story of how he built a cardboard box robot when he was six. At the end of this 3-4 minute long story, she said "anyway, cheers to you two." How was that, in any way, a wedding toast? I've seen this at many other weddings. It's fine to have some tidbits in the toast about your relationship with the spouse you are closest to, but you should always find a way to work that back around to how it relates to the couple or their relationship. The number one point of a wedding toast should always be the marriage that just took place.

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I agree with you. I can't imagine anything more humiliating at your own wedding than having someone make a low brow comment or tell an embarrassing story about you to the entire crowd. I feel like one or two light hearted comments are ok but the things you've detailed cross the line.

View Quoted Comment My FH and I have been dating for about seven months bow and he proposed five days ago! I’d be pretty upset if ten days ago someone invited him to a wedding and didn’t invite me 😂. I totally agree with you that every relationship moves at it’s own speed and it’s not up to anyone else to judge

When Groomsmen dont even care enough to truly be there for your husband to be. One of the Groomsmen hasnt even gotten his Tux yet and we are almost at 3 weeks.

Bridesmaids ghosting you and having their husbands tell you instead.

People expecting/demanding that they have a plus 1 when you dont even know the plus 1.If they have been dating awhile then yes of course but if they are demanding it after you sent the save the dates...... UGGH

Family demanding to come or whine/complain that they didnt get their Save the Date fast enough when USPS has been having trouble with delivery.

Can I ask why a lot of people don't like honeymoon funds? (Assuming that means asking people to give a donation towards a honeymoon rather than like, traditional crockery/dishes/cutlery etc?)

We haven't decided on what to ask as gifts yet but we thought a honeymoon fund would actually be quite a nice and fairly selfless ask since it wouldn't have a value attached to it (as in, we'd say donate however much you like). Also we live abroad so physical gifts would have to be shipped and insured which is a bit of a faff. And of course...the wedding is expensive enough so any help with the honeymoon would be a godsend.

Just wondering! Don't have an opinion either way just wonder why it's a pet peeve?

View Quoted Comment I think the issue people have is telling/asking guests that you’re having a honeyfund rather than the actual concept of having a honeyfund but from what I’ve gathered on WW it tends to be Americans who have this issue with them.


Where I am from in Australia, most weddings will have a wishing well or honeyfund and it is communicated to guests. We prefer the practicality of knowing what the bride and groom want. I appreciate the argument that it comes across as gift grabby but personally I’ve been raised in a household where coming to a birthday or wedding empty handed is terribly rude so I have 0 issues with it myself.

View Quoted Comment I personally have no problem with honey funds, but the issue from my understanding is you don’t actually know it it went toward the honeymoon. Since it’s just a donation account, your guests have no idea if that’s what it went towards.


There was one couple that in know who did travelers joy and had the excursions or dinners as items people could gift, but it still went into the big pot and they sent the guests photos or postcards of them doing the activities.
I’ve also seen a couple not take the honeymoon and use it elsewhere for house repairs and some were upset because that’s not what the gift was for. It’s not the end of the world, but it was still very misleading to your guests who gifted you cash.

View Quoted Comment This!!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

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What if they just assume we know, but has not said anything directly.

View Quoted Comment IMO if you know, whether it's because they told you directly or you saw via social media, someone else told you, etc, they should be invited as a unit.

“Catholic “ gaps. There is no excuse for them. There are a plethora of venues that are flexible enough to have an earlier start time than the “traditional“ without inconveniencing people who don’t want to go back to their hotel or sightsee or whatever in fancy clothes and do not have extra fancy clothes on hand. The majority of my relatives are Catholic and they say this is one of the rudest things you can do. I’ve seen these with LDS weddings where the guests are invited early morning to sit in the lobby together waiting for the couple with an evening reception and left to fend for fend for themselves for 6-8 hours in between. Also seen with weddings that are poorly planned by entitled brides and no religion involved at all.

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From past threads if you use the search feature and in general they are frowned upon because, as with a wedding, a honeymoon is completely optional and many feel it is not their responsibility as a guest to pay for a honeymoon or whatever it is spent on instead which is deceptive to guests. But living together requires stuff so they are more willing to purchase from a physical registry.