Devoted June 2016

Wedding: Why is it important to you?

QueenThompson, on January 14, 2015 at 10:40 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 48
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I always get some family members/ friends tell me to ditch the wedding and just spend the money on our honeymoon. I want a wedding mainly for the party aspect with my family and friends but I must admit sometimes I do want to ditch the wedding due to the cost and craziness of having a wedding.

I would love to know why having a is wedding important to you?


  • LadyMonk
    Master September 2014
    LadyMonk ·

    1. Legal (ok, you could elope, so it's not strictly an "only wedding" reason)

    2. Spiritual or religious

    3. To speak your vows infront of you future spouse and your friends and family - it's accountability and witnessed commitment (No, you don't need a big audience)

    4. To join the families, especially for those family members who may otherwise not really meet.

    5. To celebrate with the awesome people in your life!

    Can you find a balance? What if you had a small wedding so that you could save money but still have a celebration?

  • Jessica
    Master May 2016
    Jessica ·

    At first having a wedding wasn't important to me. I was okay with doing something small and putting the money toward a home but my FH really wanted one. He has a very small family & has never had a big party or anything like that so he's really excited to celebrate with everyone. It meant so much to him that eventually it meant a lot to me also. He has been amazing with me since day 1 & I really want to make him happy. I'm so glad I listened to him though because planning this wedding with him has been the best time of my life. Everytime I think about it I get so happy

  • FutureMrsSmith
    Super April 2016
    FutureMrsSmith ·

    For my mom, my older sister went to the courthouse and didn't tell my mother or myself about it or include us in any way. I'm her youngest and only chance for a real wedding. She's very excited about it and I'm very excited to be able to do it for her.

  • Noël
    Devoted May 2015
    Noël ·

    Sometimes I want to ditch it too! I originally wanted a dinner party with 25 people and call it good...but then we started thinking about all the amazing people who couldn't be part of it if we did that. So it grew. And also, because we just relocated to a new city where we know absolutely no one, everyone who's coming has to make a trek, and we wanted it to be more worth their while than *just* a dinner party.

  • OG FMP
    Master August 2015
    OG FMP ·

    An actual wedding is very important to us because of our kids, especially our daughter. We have to set an example for her. We have to show her with actions what she deserves. We always teach her to be better than us in every way. I want her wedding to be bigger than mine because she deserves it ALL...Unless of course she doesn't want a big wedding, but at least mom and daddy showed her a great example. Secondly, because of my parents.....I NEED them there, I want my mom helping me with my gown, i need my dad to walk me to my FH and I need my siblings there witnessing their little sister walk down the aisle.

  • alyshadanielle
    Master April 2015
    alyshadanielle ·

    Everyone in my family has told me the same thing about paying for a honeymoon instead - mainly because between my mom, oldest brother, and youngest brother, they have all been married & divorced 8 times. At first I didn't want a wedding either, but FH did. His reasoning was because he wanted his family to enjoy the time with us. He is very close with a lot of his family; I'm not. But frankly, I have enjoyed planning it. I know it's stressful at times but I am excited to see how it all comes together. And the most damning reason of it all for me, is because it is important to him..

  • QueenThompson
    Devoted June 2016
    QueenThompson ·

    @LodyMonk I am having a small wedding and I'm not saying I'm ditching my wedding but this is always a discussion when I tell people I'm planning my wedding. I just wanted to get everyone's opinion on the topic

  • QueenThompson
    Devoted June 2016
    QueenThompson ·

    I swear my FH also wants the wedding more than me lol...I'ts crazy how everyone automatically think the woman is the one that wants the wedding

  • NotAllWhoWanderAreLost
    Master August 2015
    NotAllWhoWanderAreLost ·

    I have to say the wedding is more important to FH than for me. BUT, it is important to me too.

    Our reasons are religious, and because our family is very spread out so it is the only time we get to see everyone, and those times are special. Also, because it is extremely important to my parents. (FH and I are already pretty much married (except not)), but the act of going through all of the hurdles makes it "more meaningful" at least according to my family. So in away it is important to me because to my family the act of having a wedding means that my FH will be more accepted (so to speak) into my family.

  • Mrs.Temme
    VIP September 2014
    Mrs.Temme ·

    I wanted a small destination wedding but since I am religious my husband preferred we have a big family wedding in our hometown. Weddings are a chance to see and celebrate with all of your family you don't see often. As a single woman I struggled a lot with dating, alongside my single friends. Being able to share this huge moment in my life with my friends was a big deal. I'm also very traditional and don't want to miss out on anything in life. I did not want to regret not having a wedding day. Although a lot of the fuss and expense is totally unnecessary. My initial inclination of having a dinner at a restaurant after the ceremony would have been just fine. But I feel like it got blown up into a huge wedding because most of my guests were from out of town and the reception ended up being all about them. I wanted to thank them for coming and witnessing for us. Bottomline is it is your wedding day. Do not let anyone tell you what you have to do. You and your FH can plan whatever makes you happy.

  • QueenThompson
    Devoted June 2016
    QueenThompson ·

    @Suzanne I feel that way also... I don't want to feel like I missed out on not having a wedding.

  • Rachel
    Super August 2015
    Rachel ·

    @FutureMrsPereira you made me tear up talking about your daughter. My daughter is part of the reason the wedding is important to me. I want her to see how things should be and for her to see what she deserves in the future.

    Also, this is a second marriage for both of us and the first time around we both got married at the court house. Neither one of us wanted to do that again. We both want the wedding and to be able to celebrate with our friends and family.

  • QueenThompson
    Devoted June 2016
    QueenThompson ·

    @FutureMrsPereira I feel the same way about my son

  • S.W.
    Expert August 2015
    S.W. ·

    My FH really wanted a small wedding, I was the one that pushed for a bit bigger (60 people). My family is all over the country and we get together at big events that's just how my family operates. I really wanted to celebrate with them and friends. His family has all lived where we live his entire life so they see each other more often (when they want to). I spoke with one of my friends who said sitting at the head table and looking out over family and friends there to celebrate with them was one of the most overwhelming and humbling experiences. It really sunk in how many people were there to celebrate them.

  • Pinotgirl
    VIP June 2015
    Pinotgirl ·

    The wedding itself isn't all that important to me, being married and starting our life together was all I cared about. We had planned on eloping but my grandfather who is and has been from day 1 like my father is not in good health and cant travel. It is super important to me to have him walk me down the aisle. Once we decided we needed to stay local things kind of spirlaled from there. FH has a very large italian family and of course everyone needs to be invited. FH was very adament about getting married in a church.

  • Mrs. A & J
    Master December 2014
    Mrs. A & J ·

    I also had a very hard time justifying the money!! Our budget was a gift from my dad, and I was very tempted to put it towards a house.

    I had a wedding first because I wanted to dress up (for once.....I'm very casual normally) and have a romantic ceremony and fun party to celebrate us. I wanted my family and friends there, which led to why it was more money then I would have wanted to spend: I wanted to host our traveling guests well. I didn't want them to fly and stay in hotels just so I could hand them a burger in our backyard.

    In the end, I am so happy with what we did. Our wedding was within budget, everyone had a wonderful time, and I felt like a beautiful sparkly bride

  • Christine
    Master October 2015
    Christine ·

    It's been a while in both of our families since anyone's had a big wedding so everyone's looking forward to it, including us! Plus since we're from different countries it'll be one of the few times that our families get to get together.

    ALSO because of the whole different countries business, getting married will give me residency, which I'll be SO happy to have lol.

    ETA: Having a wedding in the States s also cheaper and makes the residency process much faster.

  • Victoria
    VIP June 2016
    Victoria ·

    FH and I have been dating since I was 16 (10 years) and he's been by my side through every major moment. He's my best friend in the world and I just wanted a day for everything to be about us and the love we share. I may also be a tad oldschool but I respect and value the sanctity of marriage. Honestly, if it was just our closest family and friends it would be great for me but FH has a big family so it's looking like 150-175. Our families are officially coming together and everyone who has watched us grow together gets to celebrate with us which is why I could never give up the wedding. I also think FH is really into it, he keeps saying things that make me think he wants a black tie affair! I think that's just his way of telling me its a big deal for him too because he's super laid back

  • R
    VIP October 2015
    RhnCasi419 ·

    I want the wedding with the party because I never went to prom or had a sweet sixteen party. I grew up with a lot of adversities (4 different highschools/an unstable mother) and saw my friends and relatives enjoy the traditions in this life that I never got to have a part in. Because FH and I can do it, I am going to have this one thing in life. Of course I would be just as happy to marry him anywhere, at a courthouse, destination, at a restaurant. But after thinking long and hard. This is what we both came up with.

  • DeniseD
    Master May 2015
    DeniseD ·

    I'm old fashioned. My MOH's father asked me why i'm getting married. I told him, FH is too good a guy to let go. One of my cousin's said it best, marriage is the only time you get to pick your family. I cannot imagine FH not being my family and I cannot imagine HIS family not being part of my life.

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