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J
Beginner October 2010

wedding shower no shows

Jane, on August 30, 2010 at 10:14 AM Posted in Planning 0 33

My mother and I planned a great jack-and jill shower for my sister and her fiance (who are getting married right before me). They provided us with the addresses for some 80 guests off their wedding guest list. We got about 20 rsvp's that said they couldn't attend, so we expected about 60 people. Only one couple showed up. Two people!! Since some of these no show invitees already RSVP'd that they would be attending the wedding, I know we had good addresses. My sis and soon to be bro-in-law were so hurt and embarrassed, and I'm livid on their behalf as well as having the feeling of a HUGE hole in my wallet. Has this happened to anyone and what, if anything, can be done? I so hope these people don't treat the wedding as rudely as the shower.

33 Comments

Latest activity by Mary, on August 31, 2010 at 3:00 PM
  • November2010Bride
    Expert November 2010
    November2010Bride ·
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    I am little confused..the 60 that didn't show up..did they RSVP?? That's terrible whatever the case was..I am so sorry to hear that..

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  • Ab
    Master October 2011
    Ab ·
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    Awww :-(

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  • *~* Soon to be Mrs. Murphey *~*
    VIP February 2013
    *~* Soon to be Mrs. Murphey *~* ·
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    Awww thats so sad for them. I would be 100% embarassed as well. wow. I am so sorry

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  • N
    Beginner May 2011
    Nicole ·
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    That is horrible : (

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  • .
    Super September 2010
    . ·
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    That is horrible! :\ Not to that extreme, but I planned/paid for my MOH bachelorette party when she was getting married, and only 1 other guest (besides me and MOH) showed. I invited 20 people. She said she didnt care, but I did!! Very embarrassing and hurtful when "friends" dont come through like that...

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  • MelKel
    Master May 2010
    MelKel ·
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    Wow- that sucks

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  • W
    Master June 2010
    wowjunkie ·
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    That happened for our wedding, about 20 people who said they were coming (some insisting as late as 2 days before the wedding) didn't show, and we lost $1k to empty seats. But 60?!?!?!?! What the HELL?!?!?!?!

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  • DannieKay
    Super October 2010
    DannieKay ·
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    Omg, the same thing happened at my sister's babyshower, we invited my WHOLE family and her husband's whole family. We planned on close to 70-80 people coming and only 30 people showed up. I was livid. We wasted $600.00 on food that we ended up throwing a majority of it in garbage and party favors and a dj, we also wasted money on a venue, when we could have just had it in our backyard.

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  • Kerry
    Dedicated October 2010
    Kerry ·
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    Thats horrible Smiley sad I have found that most people (except the few responsible, polite, respectful minority) don't RSVP to events. That had been my biggest pet peeve during this whole wedding process.

    I guess the lesson to everyone is, you have to hound people to get a response from them. To make sure people are going to show and get a verbal committment out of them, call the people who don't RSVP to make sure they are going to attend. That way you won't go waisting money on people who are too rude to give you the decency of responding.

    I'm so sorry this happened to you, your sister and her fiance. If it was me, I would call all 60 people and let them know how disappointed and embarrassed your sister and her fiance were. People need to know their lack of respect has negative effects.

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  • J
    Beginner October 2010
    Jane ·
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    I've never met most of the guests who didn't show as they are mostly my sis and her fiance's friends and we don't live very close to one another. The invitation said RSVP regrets only, so only people who weren't going to attend needed to contact us. And a few of these people told my sis they'd see her at the shower! And there wasn't a single message on our home phone apologizing for not showing. About 25 families burned us.

    I don't want to further aggravate my sister qqqqqqqqqqqqqweertyuyuiopzcxcvbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbnmmmmmm****-****

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  • J
    Beginner October 2010
    Jane ·
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    Sorry, my little one got to the computer! I meant to say that I don't want to cause my sis extra grief by saying stuff to her friends since weddings are already stressful enough, but I want to stand up for her as well.

    Is there a way to actually let them know they disappointed her or should I let it go?

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  • Mrs R (formerly "Nicole A.")
    Expert October 2010
    Mrs R (formerly "Nicole A.") ·
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    My shower was last week - my MOH, who is my FS's cousin's wife, pulled me aside and apologized to me because out of the 55 people who RSVP'd yes, only 25 showed...she felt worse than I did about it. She asked me if I wanted to contact them and ask they why, or if I wanted her to do it. I told her that while I was hurt, I'd let it go - it was mostly my FS's side so I expected that from some of them. My point is - IMHO there is more important things for me to worry about right now; I told my MOH that if she wants to reach out to them she can; I won't stop her, but I didn't feel it was necessary for me to do it. I'd see them all at the wedding, and then see if they have something to say. My FS and my MOH were more hurt than I was.

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  • Karen
    Expert May 2011
    Karen ·
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    Geez, that's really rude. It would almost make we want to say, screw it, and do a very small destination wedding with only a few people.

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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    Did the other 60 RSVP that they would attend? Or did they just not RSVP at all?

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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    Oh, sorry, I missed the part about "regrets only." Honestly, I think that was the big problem. A lot of people unfortunately don't RSVP (even for the wedding!) unless you send them reminders. So there were probably a lot that knew they weren't coming, that never got around to sending regrets.

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  • Kathy
    Master July 2010
    Kathy ·
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    Okay, so 20 RSVP'd why in the hell did you plan for 60? If 20 say that can come, about 12-15 will actually show up.

    Also, why were 80 invited to the shower? NUTS!

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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    @Kathy R.: The shower invitation said "Regrets only," and was sent to 80 people. Twenty of those sent regrets, so she figured 60 would be attending.

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  • Kathy
    Master July 2010
    Kathy ·
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    @2d, alas, more people, than less, actually know what RSVP means. Sad, but true. '

    I have found that, leaving an important part off of the invitation, works best. In other words, leave off the venue where the event will be heat...or the time....or....what have you. if they have to ask a question, about the event, you have a better idea of who may attend the event.

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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    @Kathy R.: Oh, I'm well aware of that! With our wedding invitations, we had online RSVPs, so people didn't even have to drop a card in the mail. I still had to chase people down by Facebook, LiveJournal, e-mail, and IM to get all the RSVPs. Of 100 invited, 70 said yes (after I finished badgering them all)--and only 60 showed up on the day. Hence why I would never rely on a "regrets only" invitation.

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  • Future Mrs. P
    Super October 2010
    Future Mrs. P ·
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    This kind of happened to me this past weekend- only 5 people showed up out of 30 invited. Of the total there were 9 people with my bridesmaids. My own SIL didn't show up and instead went out partying the night before. It hurt but I guess I can't be too upset considering those 5 people that did make the effort and come. And of the people that didn't, they have all given legitimate excuses and others I just haven't even heard from. They just didn't want to come which I will remember when it comes there time for their bridal shower.

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