Wedding planner kickbacks?

I don't think they really get "kickbacks." They form business connection with people and they get special rates based on bringing in business for the vendors they recommend. In return, the other vendors recommend her services and she gets recommendations from clients who have used her...its a whole you wash my hands I wash yours thing. My wedding planner is getting me tons of great deals and nothing seems marked up at all because I am going through her....quite the opposite actually.

It sounds like you have a fantastic planner! From what I'm reading online, a good portion of planners do the secret behind-the-scenes kickback deal, although the more honest ones don't participate in those shenanigans. Part of me wants to just point-blank ask her and tell her that I'm not okay with it if she is, but on the other hand, the last thing I want to do is tick off my planner.

I wouldn't specifically ask about kick backs, but I would tell her that you're worried that she's not saving you the money that she promised at the interview. Is she going outside of your budget?

Sometimes, yeah. I've had to remind her a few times of what my budgetary limits are. She keeps bringing me to her vendors who are always astronomically expensive and pushing for me to choose them over the reasonably priced options that I've been able to find on my own. To her credit, she is just as helpful when I find a vendor on my own that I'd like to explore, but her vendor recommendations are usually way out of my budget. The fact that everyone she recommends costs a good bit more than the going rate gives me the idea that their prices are being marked up for a cut for her.

It could just be that she's suggesting them because she's worked with them and knows that they are great, but I get the feeling that she may have some financial stake in my choosing them.

There are averages, but some vendors just cost a lot more than others. Heck, photographers can vary (in my area, where you are affects it too) from around 1,000 to 10,000 and up. Most will be somewhere in the middle but there are always some who are astronomical.

Could be? I read all the time where couples say that their planner got them great deals, but the vendors may just increase their quote to you and then say they'll give you a certain % off, since they're a preferred vendor of the planner's.

So far no one has offered us any kind of a discount for going through her like we'd hoped. If anything, their prices seem abnormally high - quotes higher than the price listed on their website, etc. Would it be wrong for me to just clear the air and ask her if she operates on referrals? One of the reasons we chose her is because she's ABC certified so we didn't think we needed to worry about that. What I was told by my friend is that ABC planners aren't allowed to take kickbacks, but when I checked the website it says that kickbacks are 'strongly discouraged'. Is there any tactful way to bring it up? If not, is there a way to avoid this, like getting a quote before bringing her into the picture with vendors I find? If I do that, will she feel like I'm cutting her out? I'd love to hear from some vendors on the politics of this stuff.

If one of my couples is using a planner, I usually offer a small discount -- because the planner will handle some things that I would handle otherwise. But, it has to be a professional planner (not Aunt Susie who helped plan her daughter's wedding). I should actually charge a surcharge if Aunt Susie is involved, LOL!

I would ask her if she receives a percentage of what you pay your vendors booked through her, or commission. I wouldn't use the term "kickbacks." I actually thought this was standard for full-service planners. At least, that is how it worked with my friends who used planners.

Excellent, excellent question. Claps hands!!

This is a real sore spot with me; not only with planners, but vendors and venues alike who demand kickback from vendors who are often not the best choice. Planners more so because I really feel that it's unethical for them to accept kickbacks, and none of the ones I work with do.

When I work with planners (and venues and vendors who refer me) I usually discount my pricing because I know that MY day will be less stressful and the couple's day will be too. I know the day will run on time, we won't be hunting for bouts, I won't be lining up the BP and the couple will be relaxed and having a great time. If a planner comes to me and says, "Listen, I know your fee is usually XXX, but I have a fantastic couple and they honestly can afford YYYY", I am more inclined to meet the price because of my ongoing relationship with them.

A good planner should have quality vendors in several price levels; not only to meet your total budget, but also to tailor your dollar flow towards what is the most important for you.

(This is a discussion that can absolutely apply to venues 'preferred lists'. Why are these vendors preferred? Do they pay or are they actually the vendors the venue wants to work there because they give great service... Odds are? If you get a book from the venue? The pros have paid to be in it. It's really kind of deceptive.)

How do you ask her? While I love Rosemary's letter (classic, "good news, bad news, good news" format...) I'd just flat out ask her if that is how she works.. Tact be damned. If she has nothing to hide, ideally, she'll tell you. I am a big fan of being transparent. (And for those of you who haven't picked a DOC or planner yet? Ask them upfront. It's important...)

Good luck! And let us know what happens!

Thanks, Celia! Really, I feel like if things are being added to my bill without my knowledge to put money in her pocket it's a little like stealing! Even if the vendor's quote IS in budget, if I'm paying more because she's getting a fee, that's not in my best interest and it's not what I hired her for. If my budget for something is $5k and I'm paying $3500 through her for $3k of services, I'm still getting ripped off, IMHO.

I agree. totally. And the problem is that this distrust (rightfully so far) will erode your relationship with her.

I really should! I just feel so awkward about it. I was considering doing it in a more roundabout way by just asking for transparency with all referral fees when interviewing vendors. Since I recently found out that my venue also quietly charges a fee to some of the vendors, it wouldn’t look like I was asking if my planner is charging a fee, it would look like I'm asking about the venue - but it would (hopefully) come out if my planner is when I asked.

There is only one place we give a fee to, but they promote us, they love us, and I STILL give their couples a lower price.

I'm pretty sure I cracked the case here without needing to directly ask. Instead, I called the caterer that we've been consulting with and made it about the venue, since I knew that my venue charged the caterer a fee that got passed onto me without the caterer mentioning it. I explained that I need 100% transparency about any and all vendor fees that they are paying that impact my fees, and I need them in writing. The caterer was great about it and explained that the only vendor fees that would weigh into my bill would be the venue, guaranteed, and that was only because they had no room for negotiation on it with the venue. Five minutes later, I got an email with my 'updated' catering quote - with the food cost lowered by 20% with no explanation as to why.

My guess is that rather than throwing my planner who they have a relationship with directly under the bus or lying in ink, they figured their best bet would be to quietly un-pad her fee from the quote.

Again, circumstantial evidence - but I'm watching her now. Fellow brides, I would recommend that you add this transparency clause to your dealings with your vendors to make sure nothing shady happens.

Don't forget Celia's statement that this could erode your relationship with your planner. Now you have even less reason to trust the person you are paying fairly high amounts of money. You are putting your wedding into the hands of someone you don't trust...I think you need a conversation with the planner regardless.

You're right, Jenni. I may not like confrontation but this might be a good time for it anyhow.

I hate this shit, I really do. Partly because it makes honest vendors have to work even harder to gain your trust. "Don't mention weddings; the vendors will jack up your price" is already such a popular battle cry"...in most cases it's not, but when you have layers of payola on top? It's impossible.

It IS a good time. Anyone who is not embarrassed about what they do will tell you, well, what they do. And if they're embarrassed by their policies? Then you shouldn't be their client.

Can you go "behind your planner's back" in a sense and e-mail them separate from your planner to see if they're quoting you the same costs? A simple "I'm looking to spend $1500 on photography, what would this get me with you?" and compare it to what your vendor is finding at the same vendor? That's an easy way to see if there's things not adding up.

Is her fee a percentage of the wedding/ceremony or is it a flat fee? The aforementioned I would watch out for since who's to say the wedding planner doesn't get the most expensive vendors since they get a percentage off the total. For example, a flat fee on a 10k wedding could be $1.5k a 25% fee could be $2.5k. Same wedding $1k difference.

Personally I'd ask and hope that she was honest. If she is it would be bad for her reputation and would affect future business with brides.