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Alissa
Beginner June 2019

Wedding party plus ones

Alissa, on February 5, 2019 at 4:36 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 26
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Hi all! It seems like people are evenly split about whether or not to allow Wedding Party plus ones. Some say it's an automatic, others say it depends on their status - I currently have 2 bridesmaids who were single when we determined original guest list (5 months ago mind you) and now each is requesting a plus one. I am trying to not only save money but ensure we know the majority of people in attendance on this big day!!! My point of view is that the wedding party will be busy being in the wedding, helping out, etc. and he guest will be sitting around, not knowing any one else, so why should we invite this person?! Also we would need to not only invite them to the wedding, but to rehearsal dinner and Sunday brunch which our parents are paying for - just seems like a no all around to me! Thoughts??


26 Comments

Latest activity by Yoice, on February 11, 2019 at 7:59 AM
  • Sarah
    VIP September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    Personally I think after everything the wedding party does and all the money they spend to participate, they should all be allowed a plus one. Are these BMs no longer single? If they’re already dating the person they’re asking to bring, and your wedding is more than 4 months away, I think they should 100% be allowed to bring their SO.
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  • Anonnn
    Dedicated May 2020
    Anonnn ·
    • Flag
    This one is tricky but I am allowing all of my bridesmaids plus ones, even the single ones. I expect a lot from them on my big day, so I definitely want them to feel important and able to have a plus one. My budget is also tight but I added +1 for all of them.
    • Reply
  • Danielle
    Master June 2019
    Danielle ·
    • Flag

    Personally, I think everyone should get a plus one, whether they are single or not. By the time RSVP's are due, you can get your final count on whether or not they will be bringing a date.

    • Reply
  • Kristen
    VIP June 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag

    One of my bridesmaids is married and the other two are single, one of our groomsmen is single and the other has a girlfriend. We are inviting each of them with a plus one, but the one who is married will have their invite addressed to the couple. My perspective on this is that if you invite plus ones, you shouldn't separate them except for the ceremony so their spouse/partner/plus one will sit with us during the reception

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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    I personally believe wedding party members should definitely get a plus one. After the ceremony there isn’t anything they need to do and should be free to enjoy the rest of the wedding with their significant other or friends.
    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    We aren't giving plus ones to single guests (wedding party or not). But we are inviting significant others. If they asked, I'd probably give them one though. But we are having a wedding with a guest list of 225 with 9 bridesmaids and 10 groomsmen so single people won't feel alone & awkward.

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  • 💗
    Devoted April 2019
    💗💗 ·
    • Flag
    Girl.... so I originally gave a plus one to all my bridal party members and a few guest I knew didn’t know anyone . However, the stipulation was to tell me before I printed the invites (so I gave them three months ). I originally wasn’t going to give plus ones to people who weren’t in serious relationships , but figured it would be a nice gesture . One of my bridesmaids gave me a name, two days later said her and the guy broke up after two days . Last week, she gave me a new name and I kindly told her no. I felt bad because she’s in the bridal party, but she has a new love interest every month and I don’t want to get stuck paying for a guy who may not come. Also, unless people in the bridal party are in serious relationships , they may not have time to really entertain their guest . I feel like people who are in serious relationships are more understanding that their mate will be MIA . This may not be the case . I also agree with you, for budget reasons you don’t want people just bringin random people because they can . However, if it would truly make one of your bridal party members comfortable, allow them to have one
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper Online ·
    • Flag
    I’ve never seen anyone split on the issue— etiquette dictates they should get a guest.
    My single bridesmaid didn’t bring a guest (and she had plenty of friends there), but if she had asked for an add on at the last minute (as long as I could still adjust catering numbers), I absolutely would’ve let her— she was my bridesmaid so that I could honor our friendship and how important she was to me, and after all the support from my girls, I would’ve done anything to accommodate them.


    i also want to point out that your impression of them being alone and bored the whole wedding is somewhat misguided. My girls spent most of cocktail hour (after our pictures were done) with their SOs, but after that I only needed like 5 more minutes of their time , for bustle assistance and for our entrance to the reception, and the rest of their time, they were hanging with their SOs and friends. Sure, the boys were alone while we were getting ready, but they seemed happy to sleep in and have relaxing mornings together. My 2 girls’ boyfriends actually ended up getting brunch together and traveling to the wedding together , hanging out. They were totally able to fend for themselves and had a great time (they only met the evening before at our welcome party)

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  • Sophie
    Super December 2020
    Sophie ·
    • Flag
    I would give the bridesmaids the option, exclusively because they’re involved in the party. I know you want to save money, but it’s overall only two people. I’m sure the final estimate will be lower when the time rolls around.
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper Online ·
    • Flag
    (And actually as follow up for my bridesmaids having plenty of time to hang with their SOs at my wedding, I also want to mention— i was so glad they all had a little crew there/someone to hang with. I was SO busy visiting with ...basically everyone I’ve ever known, I barely had time to hang with my girls — quick visits, sure, but it was a relief to be able to leave them doing their thing knowing they were entertained and having fun, and we could catch up later , while I visited with random relatives who had traveled from afar and all of H’s extended family etc, some who I hadn’t seen in a while, some who I don’t see often— lots of people who I felt like I had to prioritize when dividing time !)
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn Online ·
    • Flag
    Your bridal party should absolutely receive a plus one. Not that it matters, but their “duties” are over as soon as the ceremony or photos end. They get to enjoy the reception along with the rest of your guests.
    • Reply
  • Alissa
    Beginner June 2019
    Alissa ·
    • Flag

    Thanks everyone - I'm still leaning toward their dates needing to be someone we know in order for us to pay $150+ for them to attend. (The cost of this wedding is getting out of hand!) But appreciate the feedback.

    • Reply
  • Alissa
    Beginner June 2019
    Alissa ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    This is my favorite response haha! One is now in a relationship with her guy, so I see that one as a reasonable request, but the other is back and forth and back and forth and I just do NOT want any of that near our wedding lol. Sounds like you know what I'm talking about!

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  • 💗
    Devoted April 2019
    💗💗 ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Unfortunately, yes! I would love for all my bridal party to bring a plus one if they had one to bring, but I don’t think my wedding is the time to bring someone just because you feel you should . I’ve been trying to reassure this bridesmaid that she will be so occupied with other stuff that it won’t matter.
    • Reply
  • W
    Dedicated October 2019
    WeddingBliss ·
    • Flag
    I’m giving all the wedding party a +1 w/ the exception of 1x BM who recently broke up w/ a groomsmen. Both have agreed that they will attend the wedding solo to avoid any potential drama.
    After that I was pretty conservative w/ the +1. If they were married, or in a relationship I gave a +1 - other than that, I didn’t. I have a few friends who use tinder a lot, & I didn’t want to pay for someone that I didn’t know, plus I didn’t want to play “who is that girl/guy” w/ photos of my wedding.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
    • Flag
    I think they should get a plus one. I was hurt bc I was a bm for my moh last month and I told her my fiancé couldn’t make it, so she didn’t let me bring anyone. I was traveling across the country and I just had to sit alone at the reception. She had plenty of room left in her guest list.
    • Reply
  • Denise
    Devoted May 2019
    Denise ·
    • Flag
    Who are your bridesmaids going to dance with? I wouldn’t want my wedding party to spend so much time, energy, and money looking so pretty and not have a date.

    By by the time dinner is over, what is they’ll be helping out with?
    • Reply
  • Cara
    Expert July 2019
    Cara ·
    • Flag
    We gave everyone in our bridal party plus ones
    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    Savvy July 2019
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag
    Four of my BMs are single, and only 2 are married. No one has boyfriends right now, but if they did by the time RSVPS come around, I'd add the boyfriend. They will all have friends there so they won't be alone. I'm really more concerned about a tinder guest. If even YOU don't know them, you shouldn't bring them. I'm really only concerned about one person doing this. So the rest, if they really want to bring someone they KNOW, I'm cool with it.
    • Reply
  • A
    Master October 2019
    Angelena ·
    • Flag

    I'd say no. It's your wedding. If you had no plus ones for the entirety of your guests, the bridal party is included in that ruling. I too have 2 bridesmaids without a boyfriend, if they get a boyfriend by my wedding they get to bring him. Otherwise, they aren't getting a plus one. Yes, they are pretty busy so the time they are taking pictures with you and doing speeches etc that random guest they brought who knows no one else gets to sit alone. Personally, that makes it more awkward for them.

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