Wedding Party Meeting

I'm with Brian. Yes you're getting married but the people who are in your wedding are your friends, not employees.

If I heard the word meeting in reference to a wedding, I'd ask if you were paying me. The only 'meetings' I had for my wedding were with vendors, and I paid them

All your friends have to do is wear coordinating outfits, stand up with you on your big day, everything else is up to them. Don't alienate them this early.

@ Brian & raptor Bride ~ Thanks for the advice so u think i should discourage him from having one of these meetings??? or should i have him change it to something like wedding party get to gether????

My FSIL had a "wedding meeting" and I was more than insulted. She gave each of us directions and all this crap. Um thanks, but I'm a bridesmaid, not a child. I don't need a lecture on how to act and what she expects. I walked out and never went back to another one. I was quite close of backing out because of that, but it's also my brother's wedding, and I'm doing it for him, not her.

What is the purpose of the meeting? Are you handing out To-Do lists and a How to Behave manual? Correct me if I am wrong but I think what your intent may be is to get everyone together and go over your expectations? If that is your intent, I strongly suggest staying away from the term 'meeting' as it conjures up all sorts of bad images. Maybe bring it up as a little 'Thank You for supporting us' get-together where you show your appreciation for your friends. You can also go over the details of what you need from them-like dress/tux shopping dates and such. Like what Brian said, if I was in the wedding party and all of a sudden my attendence was required at a meeting with the other members and the Bride/Groom, I would be a bit upset!

@ Army Bride - it was my Future fiance's idea that we would go over to one of the groomsmens house & i guess lay down some guidelines or something & then hang out & eat BQQ. I guess its like u said going over my expectations. Thanks Army Bride for your advice!!!

I don't quite know what you mean by "meeting". If you are holding one to announce your engagement and invite them to be a part of your wedding then I think that is cool. I took all my bridesmaids out for lunch and brought gifts and asked them to be a part of my bridal party. A meeting asking them what style of dresses or tuxes they want seems fine as well. But I would never hold one to tell them my expectations of their involvement in the party.

While I whole heartedly agree that becoming a Dictator-Bride is something every bride should stear away from, I do think it is necessary to make sure everyone is all on the same page. I am not saying that you should hand out a time line of events leading up to the 'big-day' or a rule book but I do think getting together to plan things is helpful. I think a lot of it has to do with how you approach it. Mandating that your friends attend an informational meeting IS wrong. Asking them to spend some time with you (while thanking them profusely for supporting you!!!!) to run over some ideas is helpful all around. If everyone is on the same page then there will be little to no confusion and/or frustration for everyone involved. Again, it's all about delivery!

I guess I'm the only one who don't see anything wrong with this depending on the purpose of the meeting? I also don't see anything wrong with it if the meeting is to lay out expectations, why? because I've seen so many brides complain on here because they have high expectations for their wedding party (which they shouldn't, the only expectations should be to show up) and they get mad when these people don't do the things that they never knew to do in the first place, I'd rather have a bride clearly tell me what her expectations are (if she has any) then I can gladly decline before I get committed if I know I won't be able to do them.

As for the meeting, I held one myself for my BMs, FH didn't have one for GM because they all know each other, I wanted all of them to meet because it was a mixture of girls from church, childhood and highschool friends, I took them out to denny's, pay for thier dinner,

@ Army Bride ~ It was all my fiance's idea not mine to do this meeting thing. i guess it would be like light detailed infor about the wedding events & stuff.

We talked about the color of their dress, what kind of dress I wanted them to get, where to get it and by when they need to order their dresses, I thanked them for accepting to be my BMs and clearly let them know that it was an honor for me to have them by my side on the wedding, we spent about 4 hours there, everyone got to know each other, they exchanged numbers, emails and add each other on FB.

Some of them hadn't seen each other for years, we all reminisce about the past, our times in HS, the girls from my church learned a lot about me from the other girls and they learned about me from them as well. We had a blast and they all loved having to meet each other.

It was the best get-together I've held since never... I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

My only advice Lucinda, is if you're gonna do it, just make it fun. Good luck

I actually think having a meeting is a good idea, but it depends on how the meeting is run. If you make it more like "Hey lets all get together so everyone can meet and get a quick run down of some minor wedding details and have some fun" then I think would be a good time. As long as it isnt "hey this is what we expect from you, do as we say".

Well, light detailed information about the wedding (dates, etc) can be sent in an email. No reason for a meeting for this.

I think everyone here agrees. A "meeting" to discuss "rules" "expectations" "guidelines" is not appropriate.

I think a get together for everyone to get to know each other is ok. Some time to spend with your friends to thank them for their time and money that they soon will be spending on you.

Yes, women usually like to go dress shopping together... but Men do not need to meet to discuss tux's choices (unless you have Very fashion driven men) Did you FH actually use the word "meeting?" What did your FH say he plans on telling them at this meeting? What kind of guidelines did your FH have in mind???

I think a lot of it depends on what you plan to do at the meeting. If you're getting together to talk about wedding ideas, dress styles, hair/makeup ideas, tuxes, etc. I really don't see a problem getting everybody together for food and wedding disucssions.

As for anything else, I really think that depends on how you approached your wedding party about being in your wedding and what you expect for them. Traditionally, each member of the wedding party had certain responsibilities. In more modern times, usually they just end up standing with you on the wedding day all dressed up and in the case of bridesmaids holding their flowers. I don't see a problem asking/expecitng your wedding party to fill the traditional roles if that's what the two of you want (as much as that's unpopular on the wedding forums) as long as you let that be known when you ask the people in your wedding party. Don't ask them to be in the wedding and then later go "oh, I expect this, this, and this.".

I like meetings personally. I don't take offense to people asking me to come over to discuss expectations or even the details of what will happen that day. I would much rather be informed than not. Plus, if there are a lot of things that you need help with, that can be the point where people can offer such things. I would attend a meeting without hesitation, because as a friend.. it is what you do.

(And I think some people on here may be confusing what they have seen on an episode of Bridezillas to what you intend to do. You are not having a meeting to dictate... just an informational session or meet and greet)

I agree with Patricia- there are constantly people one here who say their BM aren't doing what they want, or people who are BM ranting over the brides expectations. I think it wouldn't hurt to have a fun BBQ/dinner type thing, let everyone get to know each other, and let them know some details about dresses/tux's, and any other info. It would be a good time to have some pics of the dresses your considering and more importantly the prices, so people could decide if they could afford that.

The important thing is not to be a dictator or act like the people are children and your telling them what to do, but rather more of a, "we just want to let you know what your getting into so you can back out now if you need to."

Thanks everyone for ya'lls advice i was thinking on the lines of telling them about not having a bachelor/bachelorette party but having a combined bachelor/bachelorette party instead. i really can't think of anything esle i would like to discuss at the wedding party get to gether thing.

Lucinda-- you are in Sugar Land? I grew up there. 7 generations going strong!

I just had a meeting a few days ago for my BMs and our moms. We are 3 months out, and we wanted to take some time to make sure everyone was on the same page, and let everyone know what to expect for the days leading up to the wedding, and the day of itself. They also helped me put together my invites, but that was totally optional. I provided lunch, and mostly we just sat around the table and chatted.

We also discussed ideas for the bachelorette party, and nailed down some bridal shower details. But we are getting really close to our wedding day, and I've been in a "let's get down to business" kind of mood.

@ Hayely ~ Yes he actually used the word meeting ( grooms men meeting). He didn’t really go into detail about that he only got this idea a day ago or so. I guess just to lay down some light guidelines or light wedding details . I don’t have a clue as to what type of guidelines hes wanting to lay down. But I do know that I will be telling the group about our combine bachelor/bachelorette party. We don’t plan on having separate parties at all.But that’s all that I can think of right now that I would be telling them about.

@ Dragonfly ~ a meeting AFTER you have asked them to stand up (when you are close to the wedding) to be sure you are all on the same page for what time people need to show up for wedding pictures, bachelorette party, shower... etc... I find perfectly acceptable. Making it mandatory, no... this is stuff that can be sent in an email or phone call.

Acting like a bridezilla and giving them a list of requirements... not appropriate. I think many have the episodes of bridezilla in their head when they hear "meeting".