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Aurora
Dedicated July 2020

Wedding in 14 days but feeling very down.

Aurora, on July 4, 2020 at 3:39 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 20
When we kept our July 18th date we knew it wouldn’t be easy for many reasons.


I asked my fiancé if he was willing to elope and do the big wedding next year with many convos about it. But he really didn’t like the idea of eloping and wasn’t willing to do it. We want to start a family right away, so we decided to have a smaller wedding instead of just postponing.

We cut our guest list down from 150 to 50 people.
We told all our guests, come only if comfortable. We encouraged people not to come unless they wanted to be in a social situation or planned to be or do something social this summer. We also have taken great measures to social distance people at the ceremony and reception. A table that seats 12, has half the people or even some less. We have a table of 4 and a table of 5. People are grouped by family or people comfortable with each other. Tables and groups 6 feet apart. Our venue is big, and 50 people will not be crowded. The ceremony outside is staggered and spread out. We ordered masks for guests incase they forget. We are in phase 3 (250 people ok) but still treating our wedding as a phase 2 (50 people or less).
I told all my bridesmaids please do not come unless you are comfortable. I texted them about it and called them all in person. I said I would rather them feel safe and not come and no hard feelings, just please let me know so I can plan accordingly.
2 of my bridesmaids gave me a no for attendance, a month ago. I understood it 100%. I wanted them not to come for any reason if the case.
Well my 3rd bridesmaid came over the other day. She is panicked about going back to school (we are both teachers). Before she left she wanted to try on my dresses I own so she could borrow one for the rehearsal dinner. She took one of my dresses home that she liked. This really threw me off on the call I got later that evening.
Later that night she calls me up, said that she can’t come to the wedding, and that a group of 50 people is not safe and that someone would probably die and she didn’t want it to be her or her husband.
Okay I have been in a deep depression now after this phone call on many levels and for many reasons. 14 days till the wedding and 75% paid and any excitement has vanished. I understand she doesn’t want to come, and she has every right not to but the way she told me about not coming makes me feel like a terrible person and sucked any wedding excitement out of me. My fiancé told me to not worry, the wedding is about us and not her. But it’s definitely the feeling of biting into a rotten apple, the taste won’t go away.


20 Comments

Latest activity by Kimberly, on July 6, 2020 at 9:49 PM
  • Michelle
    Super October 2020
    Michelle ·
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    Hi, you’re not alone. There’s always going to be people that judge you whether you have it or not no matter how many safety measures in place. I haven’t been told personally by anyone yet but I’ve been told online several times I’m selfish and I don’t care if people die.
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    I think you're taking smart precautions and being very understanding.

    Being high risk, I also understand your bridesmaid's fear... but I do think she could have handled it better.

    I'm sorry, sometimes people just don't know how to express things well.

    • Reply
  • A
    Super October 2021
    Ashley ·
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    It sounds like she intended to go and then something or someone changed her mind. It could be that someone talked to her about the risks or she did some research. Either way, it definitely sounds like she got scared. With everything going on, it’s totally understandable.
    It’s also understandable for you to be disappointed that she’s not attending anymore.
    • Reply
  • H
    Devoted August 2023
    Hhh ·
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    This is heartbreaking, I’m so sorry! First off, they way she told you was probably because she felt so bad about making that decision and was trying to offload her guilt ... however it was horrible! You have taken every precaution, even beyond actual regulations, and been completely understanding.
    Onto the reality. Most public spaces are open again (with precautions), and to many people’s enjoyment (look at how crowded some places are!) So yes it is your guests decision based on their individual circumstances, but anyone who decides to come is likely already deciding to go to the grocery store, other stores, outdoor dining etc- which are all just as risky. Many of those declining are also doing those things but just don’t prioritize your wedding.
    You are doing the best you can out of really bad options- shame on your friend (who didn’t have to make these choices) to ever try to make you feel bad for it! Do your best to get pumped again, it’s going to be an amazing day and you should be excited Smiley smile
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  • Elmarose
    Expert July 2022
    Elmarose ·
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    I would advise you to think of your fiancé and all the guest that will be attending your wedding. yes it is sad and overwhelming at the same time but you are marrying your forever person and it is such an important date for the both of youSmiley smile

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  • M
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
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    FH and I have been going back and forth between what’s safe and in everyone’s best interest for our upcoming wedding. I basically said, we can’t please everyone as there’s no clear guidance on how to move forward and everyone is going to have a difference in opinion about the pandemic. I would try to not let it get the best of you! You’re doing what you can and who knows, it may be more dangerous in the months or year(s) to come.

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  • Aurora
    Dedicated July 2020
    Aurora ·
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    Hi Michelle, thank you for your response. I appreciate it.
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  • Aurora
    Dedicated July 2020
    Aurora ·
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    Hi Rebecca, yeah I agree, she definitely has a right to not come, I think she was trying to justify why she could no longer come after acting like she was. But I didn’t need the justification, I would have just understood, and now I feel hurt by her words.
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  • Aurora
    Dedicated July 2020
    Aurora ·
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    Hi Ashley, thank you, you are right. She definitely got scared and she is very scared about going back to work, we are both teachers. I think it all just blew up for her as an anxiety attack.
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  • Aurora
    Dedicated July 2020
    Aurora ·
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    Hi Kristen, thank you so much. You made me feel a bit better Smiley smile !!! I am with you on this. You are so correct.
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  • Aurora
    Dedicated July 2020
    Aurora ·
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    Thank you for the beautiful reminder! You are spot on!
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  • Aurora
    Dedicated July 2020
    Aurora ·
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    Hi Marisa, thank you. We felt the same. There is no guarantee what the future holds and we thought now could be better then later and the want to start a family soon. Thanks for stopping by and commenting, you made my day brighter and I am wishing you all the love and light for your special day!
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  • Elmarose
    Expert July 2022
    Elmarose ·
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    Your very welcome, I’m glad to help 😊💕 I think during this moments we all just get overwhelmed with news changing a lot. It’s normal girly! Best wishes
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  • C
    Dedicated October 2021
    Cherie ·
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    Please don't let rude comments stick with you. I'm helping my daughter plan her wedding and we keep telling ourselves that it's all about the love and the true purpose of the day. Not all the flowers, guests, food, bells and whistles. It's about your LOVE 💖 hugs!!!
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  • A
    Super October 2021
    Ashley ·
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    I’m a teacher, too, so I definitely understand the stress about back to school time this year. It’s all so crazy!
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  • M
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
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    Good! I’m glad you’re feeling better.

    It’s one thing for her to feel as she does for the safety of herself and family, and to make that choice, but to go any further and try to guilt you for going through with your plans is just wrong. I hope you can move forward.

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  • S
    Dedicated November 2020
    Shakiyla ·
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    That was rude of her, I totally get your frustration. I’m set to get married in November I haven’t sent my invitation out yet, But I already have people telling me they won’t make it. Which I totally understand. Covid does make it hard, you seem selfish for wanting to go forward. We honestly don’t know how long this pandemic will last. The wedding isn’t about your guest it is about you and your fiancé union. Focus on that and make the best of it with those that do show up and support.
    I really hope you enjoy your day!
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  • Danielle
    Expert November 2020
    Danielle ·
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    When I am reading your post I am thinking you really thought about this and did this the right way. You have given people a choice to come or not. I would say anyone high risk over 65 etc may need to be separated too. It really sounds like you have all that under control. I am impressed. I think it was insensitive of her to say that to you when you obviously have put a lot of thought into this and we all know the situation. We don't know how long this pandemic will last and it is ultimately your choice to have a wedding and you do deserve to celebrate with your friends and family. We all hope no one gets sick or dies, but that isn't something within our control and it is rude for her to give you this guilt trip after you have made these precautions. Don't give people the satisfaction of making you upset. If you feel in your heart you are doing the right thing then you do what you need to do. You deserve to be happy and ultimately this is a celebration between you and your fiance and this is about that not about what other people think. Let them do your thing and you do yours.

    Mine is in November it was originally going to be 50 people and I know some of them took back their RSVPs because i live in Phoenix which is a current hot spot. I am still uncertain what I am going to do. I do know we will have a wedding just uncertain if it will be a wedding as planned or try to cut list down to 15 guests that are close local family only or not. I have several older people in my family and I just not sure if I want to risk them becoming sick either but I have been planning this wedding over a year and a half so it is definitely a bummer. Also we aren't going to Hawaii anymore, but we are going to drive to Colorado instead. I hope it is a fun adventure. I hope we all get this figured out. I think this situation is different depending on where people are located. I mean we have to go on living our lives how we want to live them. If we have to take risks then so be it to be happy.

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  • Danielle
    Expert November 2020
    Danielle ·
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    I work in healthcare so I am very aware of the risks

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  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
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    She was completely in the wrong for saying that to you. I’d be willing to bet she went home and talked to her husband about the dress you let her borrow and he quickly put an end to it. From what she said to you it certainly sounds like her husband told her no. Either way she’s a grown woman and should be able to make decisions for herself and be aware enough to know that what she said was not ok.
    Don’t let her bring you down. You are getting married to the man you love. Whoever shows up will be the ones that you want there.
    Be excited about your wedding and don’t concern yourself with other people’s choices or words. Congratulations on the 45 day count down!
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