Wedding gift - is this reasonable?

“Do they get a pass?” Ummm....you shouldn’t be keeping track of how much each guest spent on you compared to what you gift to others, so yes, they get a pass. What will you do if a guest doesn’t get you a gift at all?

I think this is plenty. Why have “cheap” items on your registry if you don’t want people to actually gift them?

I'm very curious what your plan would be if you determined that they did not 'get a pass.' Send them a bill?

View Quoted Comment Don't be ridiculous. Of course not.

View Quoted Comment Eh.. because people often send multiple items to meet whatever price point they want to meet ?

"Both have full paying jobs and are out school for years. The value seems pretty low in my circle . . . "

Just because they're out of school doesn't mean that they don't have debts and obligations. Frankly, they probably don't really want to attend the wedding of their parents' friends' daughter - especially since her parents basically invited them (and they were probably aware of it). I feel like you should just send a thank you note.

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No they don’t. The lower priced items are for those who don’t have a lot to spend. People are still unemployed due to Covid and don’t have duel incomes so they do what they can. If that means all they can add is one $5 can opener then you graciously accept it with a prompt thank you note.

I'm not sure if I'd consider people I never invite as "my guests*

View Quoted Comment I'm not. My question is on the etiquette of pluses. Do pluses ( in this case plus 2) traditionally expected to give gifts?

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Your original post says you invited a couple. Their children whom they chose to bring along are still guests. On the subject of gifts, they are 100% optional from everyone.

View Quoted Comment No, I would not typically expect a gift from someone’s guest. In your case, I would have assumed the parents’ gift was from all four of them. Also though I didn’t expect anyone to get us a gift so there was no one to give a pass to, IMO.

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The point is, you *are* nickel and diming them. What was your plan if everyone here had said you shouldn't let this slide? Would you have confronted them? Were you thinking of not sending a thank-you note?

You also don't really know if they asked to go? I was included in a wedding at 19 that I attended with my parents. Years later, I realized I wasn't originally invited, but my parents insisted I come to the bride and groom. I had no idea. I contributed to a gift from our family.

Wedding gifts are awesome and polite, but you shouldn't expect them, and you definitely shouldn't be mentally tracking how much people spent on gifts. Despite what you may think, you don't know people's financial situations. This is not remotely worth the mental space.

View Quoted Comment I'm not going to do anything. I'd still send a thank you card and host them. My whole question was asking about the normal expectations for pluses since it wasn't what I'd have done.


I thought this was supposed to be a safe space to get perspectives and not being attacked sheesh

View Quoted Comment My original post was asking about the etiquette and expectations in the matter of "plus 2"s. While gifts might be optional, I'm pretty sure no one in this forum would be happy if none of their guests had brought any gift to their wedding.

I think gifts are always optional, plus one or not.
At least in my opinion.
Guests can give whatever and however much they want. We’ve had people not give us anything and others give us so much more than we expected. Previously, as a plus one when my husband and I were dating, his parents just gave a gift from all 4 of us.

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Etiquette says you do not ask them to cover their plate or meet a minimum price range for gifts. Plus ones are not expected to bring gifts. You provide hospitality (the same meal and drinks as the rest) and send a gracious thank you note afterward.

Why do you care more about money/ gifts than the people attending?

View Quoted Comment Why are you jumping into conclusions without any context? I'm asking the question since I've never not give gifts that cover my plus as consideration towards the couple. Hence I'm genuinely curious what's the usual etiquette. Get off your moral high horse and actually try to understand another person's perspective before you judge.

View Quoted Comment And that was the price point they wanted to meet. So there ya go. Accept the gift and move on.

I’m going to play devil’s advocate and say that yes, $65 between two people is cheap in my opinion, BUT, this is coming from a culture where everyone gives a gift and we gift reasonably or generously because there is an understanding that yes, weddings are expensive. Literally I was raised with the attitude that if you can’t afford to give a reasonable gift, you don’t go to the wedding.

In saying this, something I myself am aware of (deviating from the cultural norms) is that while people may be working full time, and even in a well paying job, it doesn’t mean that everyone has disposable income to gift generously. I myself will always gift generously ($100pp is my absolute minimum) and while I work full time and earn a decent salary, I have high expenses, so sometimes I will literally have to save for months to give a nice gift, but frankly, not everyone is even in that position.

To be honest, while I would be pissed about the gift (coming from a similar crowd to yourself) I think the real issue is that these people thought it was ok to ask to invite their daughter who has nothing to do with you / your mum saying ok.

View Quoted Comment I agree with all of this. We personally are not doing a registry because we personally are against him. That is a very personal opinion though and that doesn’t mean that we think that everyone else should feel the same way about it and we have absolutely no problems when we go to weddings and see registry. But with that said, anytime we do go to weddings I can’t imagine only putting $65 between the two of us in a card. But again that’s just our financial situation. I think the real issue here is that people who you don’t even know are invited to your wedding. Were you too afraid to put your foot down?? I guess I can kind of see where your frustration is coming from, but all of this could’ve been avoided if you simply said that they were not invited to attend your wedding which is probably one of the most intimate personal important days of your life that you should only be sharing with people that you know and love. I kind of don’t blame you for treating these guests this way.I mean it’s sort of comes with the territory when people took it upon themselves to invite random people to your wedding.I just hope you don’t have this same attitude for people that you chose to invite to your wedding.