Wedding gift - is this reasonable?

I completely disagree. It is rude to come to a wedding empty handed and regardless of the fact that these people were not originally invited, they knowingly accepted the invitation and attended the wedding.

I promise you that the next 5 months of wedding planning, and your wedding itself, will be A LOT more enjoyable if you choose to have no expectations about gifts. You already know you can't control other people, and it seems like the person really at fault here is your mom (for allowing extra guests you don't want). So, address this directly with your mom (to make sure she doesn't add anyone else to the list), and then simply put this minor annoyance and all worries, calculations, and tabulations about gifts out of your mind.

By American etiquette this is correct.

To be fair - they didn't "come empty handed" - they sent a gift, which OP, the value of which OP was questioning.

You don't expect a gift from anyone. You invite people because you genuinely want them to be there. If you weren't okay with these two people coming then you should have said that you couldn't accommodate them. Being upset that they didn't meet some monetary unspoken rule in "your circle" makes it seem like all you care about it gifts, not having your loved ones around you on your special day.

Honestly I can’t think of anything worse than coming to a wedding empty handed. I was raised knowing that you show thanks to your host by bringing a gift – I won’t go to a friend’s house without at least a box of chocolates so the idea of going to a wedding with nothing is disgusting imho, like I’d rather not go than show my face without bringing a reasonable gift.

Just because you think they can afford more doesn't make it so. You have no idea what bills, debt or other things they have. You should never assume what someone's financials are just based on them having full time jobs. And you really should have just put your foot down, but it is what it is. Based on you follow-up comments normally plus ones don't usually gift at weddings or something very small, card, bottle of wine, etc.

Not related to your question

To those who say on this forum don't go to a wedding if you can't afford a gift, just put on your invites poor people need not attend, or gift at this much required for admittance. You don't throw a wedding for gifts or the expectations of gifts. A card with a heartfelt message is sometimes the only thing people can afford.

I would not give it a second thought if someone gave me a gift of $65. Some friends gave us way more than I would have expected and some gave us way less. It is what it is. Seems to me like you're more mad that your were kind of shoved into inviting them (you could have said no). Give what you want to give for weddings, and don't judge other people for not doing the same as you would - that's all.

I do remember my grandma being annoyed that one of her friends (who did not attend) gave us a very small amount, because my gma had given $$$$$ to her grandkids for weddings, etc over the years and called her a "cheap-a**". Which was hilarious, but not something that bothered me personally

I agree- the issue here is not the price point of the gift, it's the fact that they were invited without your consent. I would let it go if I were you. It's not worth it. They have no idea what is going on behind the scenes with this situation. Honestly if I were them, I may want to spend LESS on your gift because I wasn't even initially invited. And, depending on their ages, they may not know how much to spend on a wedding gift. I know you're not having a wedding to receive gifts so I would let it go and focus on more important things.

This is petty.

Gifts are always optional, end of discussion. No one has to get you anything, much less something expensive or extravagant.

You don't get to decide or judge what is appropriate for someone to spend on you.

Perhaps in their eyes, they aren't your friends, they are guests of their parents, therefore $65 was plenty. And quite frankly, for people who don't really know you, that IS quite generous.

There's a lot going on here.

Plus ones don't generally give gifts; however, I think it's expected that the actual guest will give more to account for the plus one - so your parents' friends should give you extra because they asked for more people (which itself is a no-no). $65 is a generous gift from people who are "extra guests", but if I were in their shoes, I'd have consulted with my parents about what they were giving. Really, these people should not be invited at all.

That said, I 100% believe gifts are mandatory for a wedding unless you're in the bridal party/helping out somehow. If you're young/in school/just out of school or you're struggling financially, then that's excusable, but if you're an adult with a professional job and you show up empty handed to a wedding that's just tacky. I grew up in the Northeast where the standard is a boxed gift at the shower and cash gift at the wedding, so maybe my perception is skewed a bit.

In my circle it is very common to buy a gift off the registry for the bridal shower, and cash to the actual wedding itself. So you have NO idea if these people also plan on gifting you cash at your wedding. And even if they do, you shouldn't be salty about the amount they spent on a gift for you in the first place, it was nice of these people (who presumably were forced into attending by the friend of your moms who asked if they could come) to even think of purchasing something off your registry in the first place.

Reiterating what everyone else has said, you don't know their financial situation just based of you knowing "they work full time and are out of school" FH and I both work two good paying full time jobs, he never attended higher education and I just graduated with my associates in December. BUT we're not flowing in cash to just give as gifts. We bought a house, have car payments, are planning our own wedding and other debts we need to pay.

We have 3 weddings so far in the next year (One of which is his older brothers friend who neither of us are particularly close to.) For every single one I plan to buy something decently priced off the registry (probably $50 or so depending on my relationship with the couple) and give $200 at the wedding in cash (regardless of my relationship with the couple). If i found out any of the couples who's wedding's we're attending were put off over how "little" we spent on a gift we didn't need to buy, I would 100% be judging that person and questioning what kind of person they really are.

Not sure what kind of "pass" you're looking to give or not give them? You've already decided you weren't going to do anything regardless of if people agreed with you or not. If you were looking for an answer on if plus 1 or 2 typically give gifts you should have just asked that. Putting the amount of the gift they provided and what you believe their financial situation is totally distracts people from the "real purpose" of your question. I'm sorry people are coming at you, but at the same time, you come off as very nickle and dimey with the way you presented this question.