wedding angst

I am all for supporting you, I think you can do a bang up job. But don't get me started on "Don't get me started on Italians and their food." It's LOVE, I tell you

Oh and yeah, the notes? Burn those fuckers.

Wtf? Sorry I admit to not reading the rest after "I have her notes"..... Honey nooooo do not try to keep up with the competition she stopped being the competition when they got divorced. Your wedding should be a reflection of you and your FH.

I thought I had it bad because mine is being compared to FSIL, I deliberately had my wedding the opposite of hers. Her wedding was lavish and gawdy. Mine will be more intimate and classy.

I think you have to make a decision. Right now you're living in the middle and you're pulling yourself left and right. I know, I've been there. You are either going to do the wedding that you want and understand that there is perfection in imperfections or you are going to doing their wedding, a wedding for face and to impress. Once you commit to a decision, you will feel more confident. And keep in mind that whatever you do, it's not going to be enough for them, but its going to be more than enough for you.

Do you only come to WW to complain about stuff? That's like all you've done recently.

How do you even have the notes?! This seems super strange to me!

What Mrs. Faith said. Its kind of annoying. Everyday is a new issue/complaint. I feel bad for you.

It's YOUR day! Be happy and do not worry so much about the past. Do get rid of the notes from the ex please, again it's YOUR day

You are using your fiancé's ex-wifes wedding planning notes to plan your upcoming wedding?

Is it Wednesday cause....W..T...F...

Ok, don't think I"m using her notes to make an identical replica of their wedding. She was extravagant and uptight...we're elegantly geeky. (We hope). But we found the folder in a file cabinet when we were moving this summer, and I was going nuts because I didn't know how much I should pay for things, what things were actually needed and what was just superfluous. So I was like "Hey, I can use that." I figured just so I could see "Ok, they paid 5 grand for a photographer, so my 1800 is a pretty good deal." I tried just asking FH what's a reasonable price for most things, and he kept saying he had no idea, she did all the planning and he just wrote a check. I'm not interested in the details of her details, just whats reasonable to pay in our area for similar services. I can look at her notes and say "I don't need the monogrammed cocktail napkins, but we definitely need a limo." Honestly, I thought a limo was an over the top expense until it was explained to me that getting in a car in my dress is kind of an unreasonable expectation. So, it's been helpful that way. It's not like I'm looking at her notes and saying "She had 20 red calla lillies so I need 40." (Besides, I'm more of a peony girl, lol). I tried to find the same sort of list online, but nothing came up that was as detailed as hers. I'm not using it as a blueprint, just a reference point.

BTW, love the 'inner idiot'. I'm going to have to remember that. My inner child is a moron, lol.

Complaining all the time? Possibly. Probably, even. Life is hills and valleys and I'm in a valley right now. However, I see a lot of other people who wander around too and say "hey, I have this problem, do you too? How do you deal with it?" My life is pretty damn good as a whole. Sometimes, it needs fine tuning. And who else do I turn to about wedding stuff except a bunch of other people going thru it, too. My family doesn't do 'weddings', per se. Not a formal reception venue dress tuxes and dinner sort of thing. The last wedding I went to was my cousins sons who did a potluck, and we had to be out in 2 hours so the next group could roll in. My sisters haven't gotten married. My first wedding was an elopement. His family? Love them to death, but I don't feel comfortable going up them and saying "I'm clueless, give me a hand" because everyone else will think they're in charge then. They'll think they're helping, but they'll completely take over. So, I figured a wedding forum is best place air wedding specific issues.

Those who are helpful, thanks (and even your memes make me crack up, whether that's your intention or not), Those who think I complain all the time are welcome to just not click on my posts.

There is no way you can justify using her notes. None. At all.

Why would you want to look at something that another woman made, to marry your now current FH?....weird.

If I had found something like that lying around in a file cabinet I would trash it immediately, and never speak of it again, let alone use it as a 'reference' point.

@Sci Fi Bride I would also agree that you get rid of the notes, especially if you're concerned about everyone comparing - it sounds like you are yourself! There are plenty of other ways to get ideas of average costs in your area (WeddingWire included!) that would be just as helpful and not put you in this terrible position!

I would toss the notes, ask FH what he specifically wants to include and exclude (he probably won't want to use the same vows or venues he used with HER), use www.CostOfWedding.com to get an idea of prices in your area, and not give a second thought to his first wife/wedding!

I don't know how long ago they got married, but if it was a while ago, the figures probably are no longer accurate.

I think this goes deeper than just wedding envy...maybe consider therapy before entering into marriage otherwise I see a long road ahead.

I would focus on what you two want. Have FH help plan YOUR own wedding. The notes may be helpful but there are many websites, including WW, that have information about vendors, budgeting, decor, and other details for a great wedding.

My FH was married previously - and I was in his wedding as a bridesmaid. I also planned 75% of a wedding before I cancelled it with my ex. Weird huh?

Brooke, thanks for your concern, but trust me, FH and I are well aware of each others issues and there's only so far therapy can take you. We like to say our broken parts fit together.

As for the notes, call it justification or not, but they were a good tool to have. It helped me be aware of what I really needed and what was just over the top fluff. It wouldn't have mattered if they were the ex's notes or his sister in laws notes. Whether or not I used them, I would have still heard about the 12 oz steaks everyone had cooked to perfection, the Venetian table that had so much food they were sending whole pies home as wedding favors, and the two daughters of the officiant who played harp so beautifully it would have made angels weep. But, like FH said, he didn't plan it, he just wrote the checks. So, even though ours will be uniquely ours (I guess rustic garden party meets comic con) I still want the quality to be on a par or better.

Why cares if they compair. They shouldn't b talking about his ex wife with u anyway ur gunna b the new better wife. She's the ex for a reason!!!

You've gotta get over this sweetie. Who cares? Like really, who cares? If y'all went to the courthouse and served subs and cheesecake after. WHO THE HELL CARES? You're trying to hard to impress these people. They don't sound like nice people, frankly.

The concussion was just a few weeks ago? That would be enough to cause me anxiety too.

Sounds like maybe your Groom's ex should write a wedding planning book

She probably could. "How to afford the wedding you can't afford" lol. Anyway, I did post an update to all this anxiety, but it seems to have just scrolled by without notice.

We had our preview dinner last night and I feel so much better at least about the food aspect of everything. FH loved everything, the portions were generous, and they went out of their way accommodate FH who is allergic to lobster (one of the selections had a lobster cream sauce, and they remade it with a champagne sauce instead). I enjoyed my meal, but I don't have the love affair with food he and his family has. From his reaction at least I can stop sweating about that.

One crisis averted.