wedding angst

My FH has a little sister who got married three years ago. She is super nice and I have no problem with her whatsoever. She's even offered to help with my planning. Buttt.. My FILs paid a ridiculous amount of money for her wedding. She had it at a resort near where we live and I know they spent well over 5 grand for her photographer alone. My parents are helping pay for my wedding and while they have the means to do so, I would never feel comfortable asking them for that kind of money. I know exactly what I want and how to plan it to be just that. I'm way more into rustic chic than the formal event her wedding was anyway. But I'm so afraid FHs family is going to silently judge the whole time. His mom almost freaked out when I mentioned that we were going to do hay bale seating since our ceremony is against a tree line in a large pasture. I know it will be perfect for me and FH. I'm just afraid it's not going to live up to their expectations.

I'm just trying to make sure everything is comes off without a hitch so they have nothing to complain about or over analyze.

You have your fiances ex-wife's wedding notes?

Why is hosting a wedding a competition?

Oh Sweetie, if she was so perfect he would still be with her. Make it your own and try not to worry And drink lots of wine!

eta My reaction as well, @m!

WWAD????

First of all, take a deep breath! This is you and your FH's wedding. Even though FH's first wedding was spectacular, they still got divorced. You and your husband are going to make your wedding Your Own! No comparison should be made to anyone else. Think hard about the people you are inviting to your wedding. Anyone that truly loves you and you and FH as a couple shouldn't be making any comparisons. Anyone invited should be honored to be part of your day. Try to live in the moment...stop the inner voice (or outer voices of others) making the comparison to other weddings and repeat to yourself, "we are planning the day to be what WE want".

Your day will be awesome! Congrats on the journey. Our dates are close together...we're going to have a great weekend!!!

I agree with @Tina! No one will be comparing your wedding to the one right before yours!!

And who is talking about FH's previous marriage?

Double post!

People will always compare, no matter what. Just do your wedding your way...if the FIL's want to find fault, they would even if you hosted a 100k white tie affair.

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

Have the wedding that you and FH want. Don't worry about the FSIL's wedding and how your day will compare. AND definitely don't worry about his first wife--that's just weird.

Let 'm talk. This is YOUR wedding, and you plan it to fit your taste, and personality. Your wedding is about you and you're fiance, not about what others think it should be. Trust in yourself, and you will shine on your wedding day. This is my fiance second wedding, and I'm getting the same flak. When they start in with the comparisons, smile, nod, take the good advice, and ignore the bad. Don't worry about comparisons, every wedding is different, small or large. Be true to yourself, and you'll do great.

Dear you are the bride and on your day no one competes with you!! Certainly no ex wife. Goes to show you no matter how 'perfect' of a wedding it is, it has has no implication on the important part which is your marriage. If people want to compare then let them be petty. You do you!

I don't think anyone will care. I've never compared weddings. The truth is, you need to stop stressing about silly things like this. That wedding has nothing to do with yours. Worry about yours- it'll be fine.

ETA wait...why are you thankful to have her notes? I wouldn't want anything to do with those and would trash them asap.

Throw. Away. Those. Notes. Burn them, probably.

Have your own wedding, and choose to stop obsessing about your fiance's ex.

What?! Why???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm really confused about the ex wife's wedding notes. Huh!?!?

Whaaaaat? 1: why does anyone talk about the ex/wedding to ex?

2: why don't you or DF shut it down, as it's incredibly disrespectful to you and your relationship.

3: Wtf would you even WANT to follow her notes, much less have them???

4: Why are you turning your wedding into an impress the in laws competition?

This all sounds incredibly insecure and unhealthy. Nobody should be reminiscing about the first wedding, it's disrespectful. I've had to put my abusive mother in her place when she feels the need to bring up my wedding to ex. She even still tries to pull out wedding photos she has held on to, even after I have asked her to get rid of them. I no longer stay around if she opens her mouth about my prior relationship/marriage, because it's disrespectful to me, DF, and our relationship. There sounds like bigger issues than impressing the in laws.

My first wedding was beautiful and amazing. My marriage was not. This time my wedding will be FUN. it won't be glamorous, but it will be beautiful, amazing in its own right, and with the one I was meant for all along. If my guests are comparing, they'll be saying "that was one of the most fun weddings ever". If they aren't, they can stick it lol

Honestly who cares if people compare. Its not about how luxurious your wedding is. Its about marrying the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. I can tell you I remember 2 things from every wedding I have ever been to. If the bride and groom look happy and if the food was good. I don't remember the way the venue looked unless I have been there a few times. I wont remember the centerpieces, or the DJ. I think that the stress you feel isn't normal. I think your loosing sight of what's important. This isn't a party competition. It is your wedding day! YOURS and no one else's.

I don't understand why anyone would be comparing their wedding to the weddings of others. It's not a competition. What's more important, the party or the marriage?