Website wording

I think it's tacky to dictate how adults dress in general. Are you going to kick them out if they wear jeans or sneakers? If not, I wouldn't put it. I would just put semi-formal or formal.

Completely understand where you're coming from. FMIL's side of the family is a little bit... country to put it nicely We're all southern and I love them all to death, but they're a little yeehaw sometimes (FH's uncle's nickname is literally redneck Jesus lol). I put our dress code on our home page as "Attire: Semi-Formal" and under the FAQS I put this:

"Q: What is the dress code?

A: The dress code is semi-formal. Think of your "Sunday best" & please no jeans. We also request that our guests please avoid wearing white or any similar colors."

I don't see a problem if you add it to your website under the FAQ page (if you have one) that speaks to attire. You can put semi-formal/formal or whatever and can add in parenthesis "please no jeans or sneakers." Run it by your FH first to make sure he is ok with it since it is targeted towards his side. If he is on board, run with it. If he isn't, you should reconsider.

View Quoted Comment He actually specifically requested it lol I just don’t want it to come off as being snobby

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Then I like Amber's wording above. You can also have someone else read your wording and they can give you their impression.

I think telling people not to wear is tacky, in my opinion at least. Your website can say "semi formal" or "formal" if your wedding is a true black tie wedding but people will get the hint by saying "semi formal". Some people will wear jeans & sneakers if they want to, regardless of what you say. One person wore cargo shorts to our wedding even though our invites & venue & website were extremely clear that the wedding was semi-formal/formal and we set the tone for that with everything. He ended up in maybe 1 picture? It didn't change anything.

I think it's totally fine to ask people to not come wearing jeans or shorts. It's just an ask (and some people will be determined to not pay attention to it or blatantly ignore it and that's on them, not you). In fact, I think some people might be grateful that there IS a dress code mentioned somewhere, since I'm one of those types who's always like, "What the heck do I wear to this wedding? How formal will it be?" It takes a lot of the stress out for me at least.

If people still show up looking ratchet just smile and be polite. Chances are they might already feel out of place when they notice everyone else is dressed to the nines.

Because our wedding will be during the winter, we just put a note on our site saying "You can be as dressed up or as dressed down as you'd like, but please wear layers as this will be an indoor/outdoor event." This way if someone shows up in a suit, it's OK. Or if someone comes in jeans, that's fine, too. And if they come in shorts, they'll freeze to death but at least they were warned.

Yea, I guess I'm also weird and like when people give examples. I've been to the weddings where they say semi-formal and they really probably meant formal, and then I've been to events that say formal and it really just meant dress nicely.

It is not tacky to directly tell that, personally and privately, because they are likely to do it, or have done it in the past. It is beyond tacky, outright bad manners, to put it on any invitation, or information sheet in that way. What is fine, is describing the formality of the occasion. Then, for most, assume they are adults and will dress appropriately. But is FI needs to tell family personally, this is a semi formal wedding, which means it is okay to wear a nice e suit, a dressy tea or cocktail dress, or standard business wear. And semi-formal means no casual tops, pants, sneakers or boots. Okay to be blunt, with own family, known offenders. But putting it anywhere in writing means the couple is dictating manner of dress to everyone. Not okay to do with adults in general. It assumes they are not bright enough or well mannered enough to dress appropriately, something you do not want to say or imply about all guests , who would think it if they read it on an invitation or fact sheet.

I think on your wedding website just say semi formal or dressy casual attire would be appreciated or suggested. It's just one of those things where even if you tell people, they may come in something you don't like anyway

I put it on the website and something on the detail card. But, ours took place in a Catholic Church so i worded it a way that made it sound like it was more of a church requirement. So, I also mentioned hem and necklines for the ladies.

Oh we also spread by word of mouth that jeans were not ok.

I think that the best/most polite course of action would be to just put “semi-formal”/“cocktail attire”/“evening wear”/whatever your dress code is on the website and then spread the specifics by word of mouth. Get someone close to the family members you’re worried about (maybe your FILs) to talk to them and ask them not to wear jeans and sneakers, and maybe ask family members you trust to dress appropriately offer to help them find outfits

I had it put on my details card. It said no jeans please. I know some people say not to tell people how to dress, but at the same time, it's my wedding at my really nice venue and they're my pictures. If someone doesn't want to come because they want to wear jeans, I'm ok with that. I know a few people who would show in in jeans and I'm horrified at the thought lol

On our invitation we worded it as:

Cocktail Attire Requested


We also mentioned that it is an outdoor wedding so to please dress comfortably but elegantly. I feel like this helps set the stage for the evening without being too dictator like Haha.

I totally understand where you coming from. I have the same ask for my family. I'm asking that they wear formal/semi-formal. If someone does show up in sneakers, shake it off. They are there to support you on your special day.