Vow renewal Rant and Question

I am planning a vow renewal this year. Me and my husband have been married for 4 years. I think its nobodies business what you plan to do in your marriage and your money. Its what makes you happy. People will have an opinion on everything and they may not agree with what you do. Thats their problem not yours. Nobody in my family has the balls to tell me anything. Have fun and enjoy your vow renewal. Screw those that don't like it or don't want to come. Enjoy your day!!

I think of weddings as parties, and if you want to throw your family and friends a party then I don't see why they should complain. After all they'll get to spend time with you AND get free food and drink :-) Sounds great to me! Plus they always have the option of ticking the 'regretfully decline' box.

I would however understand them being concerned if they feel pressure to help pay for a vow renewal. Perhaps reassure them that you will be taking care of the costs yourself and that gifts are not expected.

I think if people don't like it, well they can stay home. People already know you are married; it's not like you are hiding anything. Why shouldn't you be able to celebrate it with the people that actually want to be there? You can just put "celebration of our marriage" on the invitation. Perfectly fine.

Just because you went to the JOP doesn't make you any less deserving of celebrating with your loved ones in the manner you want to. Not everyone has the luxury of doing things in the traditional order.

If your families have a problem with the term "vow renewal" because it's right after your marriage at the JOP, maybe call it something different.

Hubby and I are doing a vow renewal for our 10th anniversary this year and it's formatted like a wedding with a ceremony, cocktail hour, reception, photog, videographer, photo booth and second honeymoon. Everyone we have invited are excited to attend. I've seen a few ladies on here say that they would just have an anniversary party or go to an island to celebrate and everyone is entitled to their opinion. We're doing it this way because we can and we want to. Period.

At the end of the day you and your Hubby have to do what's best for you and the final decision is yours

I see a vow renewal as a recomitment of your love for each other. If you want to have the day you were planning to have go for it! Send out your invites and if they want to come and celebrate with you they will. That's why printing companies make response cards. And everyone who gets married does it for the gifts (whether they admit it or not) to some degree...that's why everyone makes registries :-)

But seriously.....ignore the negative Nancy's and plan your day the way you want to. And even if only 5 people show up, then you party with those 5 people and don't think twice about it.

I think vow renewals are for couples who have been together for a loooooong time and want to rekindle that fire. My grandparents did that for their 50th anniversary. It makes sense if your together over 10 years.

'We married November 6 in the JOP and we did it cause of medical reasons. We planned the wedding for this year December 13 and decided to keep the date.'

You are already married, so why are you having a "wedding"? Unless you get divorced between Nov 6th and Dec 13th, you are already married and don't need another wedding. It already happened. Feel free to do a "vow renewal", but please don't pretend it's your wedding and do vows, first dance, cake cutting, etc. It's rude to your guests.

If you want to do a "wedding" with all the fixins including vows, first dance and cake cutting, go for it! Sit down with your Hubby and determine what type of event you want to have. I'm sure your guests will not think it is rude, and those that are truly happy for you will enjoy the fact that they are celebrating with you

This subject is a bit of a sore spot on this site.

I got married this past November and, allegedly, will be having a vow renewal ceremony later this year (provided that all goes according to plan). The only reason why I'm doing this is because my mom wasn't able to make my wedding due to an emergency at the time.

However, in this day and age, with the divorce rate being so high, I personally believe that it's a beautiful thing for people to want to celebrate their milestones, and staying married for long periods of time, today, is a HUGE deal (10, 25, 50 years, etc.).

Having said all of that, EVERYONE has an opinion on any and everything we do in life, in general, whether they voice those opinions or not.

If YOU want this, then do it.

OP, just a question but your picture is of an ultrasound. Are you expecting? Because maybe your family (I know you say its H's side, but you are married now so it is your family too!) wants you guys to focus on the baby and not a ceremony. If you are expecting which is awesome and wonderful...maybe you guys could do something combined with a christening? A family ceremony and recognition of your marriage? And I apologize if I'm totally off but that is what came to my mind.

And I don't know about any of you other ladies but if I'm doing a vow renewal it will be when we're married for 50+ years because I am NOT doing all of this again!

I like the idea of a vow renewal, as in you and DH go somewhere special (with your kids if you have any) and renew your vows. Intimate, re-committing, etc. And, I don't get it before 10 years. I mean long enough that you really went through some stuff, and you're standing up saying I choose you. . .again.

Planning a wedding do-over of sorts just seems strange to me. Of course I didn't love wedding planning and there is nothing about doing it again that appeals to me.

I'd choose to attend, or not, vow renewals on a case-by-case basis and that's anyone's right.

We went to a vow renewal for a couple celebrating 25 years. It was in a banquet room in a church, they said their vows and had dinner and desert. Then we all danced the night away. There was no cake, first dance, bouquet toss etc. there wasn't a table for gifts people just gave cards (to my knowledge)

I probably wouldn't have went if they were celebrating anything less then 10 years

I'm all for vow renewals that involve just me and my husband escaping to some tropical island. I think 25 years or more warrants a large and/or extravagant celebration. My BIL's parents did this a few years ago, it was their 50th and it was the whole package.

It's a celebration and a party. If I were invited to someone's vow renewal and could make it (ie: it's in my area and at a time I can make it), I'll totally be there.

I don't see it as unnecessary because I didn't get to go to your JOP wedding and because, if it's important for you to celebrate it this way, I'd be honoured that you decided to include me in something that important to you.

About it being gift grabby, if I didn't give you a gift at your JOP wedding then I wouldn't have much hesitation bringing you a gift to this celebration. Then again, bringing a gift isn't a requirement to begin with so, if I didn't want to or couldn't bring a gift for whatever reason, then I guess I'll just be an empty handed guest.

But that's me.

I can understand where you're coming from, but my situation is a little different. My now FH moved across country last year. I'm pretty traditional, and I said, "If you want me to go, put a ring on it." So, we had a civil ceremony in June to make it official. So yes, legally we are married. However, the religious ceremony is what makes me feel spiritually married, so that's what we're doing in March. But my family is for and supports it 100%.

Will your renewal be with another JOP? Will it be religious? Heck, I won't feel truly married until I wear my poofy white dress! So do it. And if they come, great. If not, nothing you can control. Best of luck!

@Ms. Pepe, he is not your FH. He is your husband.

You've been married for 8 months but you don't feel truly married because of an article of clothing? Bizarre.

I wouldn't ever have a problem with family/friends inviting me to a party to celebrate anything! I wouldn't do one myself just because of the fact that in my Faith it is believed you renew your vows whenever you make love *wiggley eyebrows*

Thats just how some people feel but it is up to you and your husband. No one else has the right to dictate what you should do to celebrate or the way you feel. If they don't like it they they shouldnt go. And if its a gift thing don't bring one or your negative attitude. Im sure you'll still have a great celebration. I'd go if I was invited to one. It is always great to celebrate love especially when you are close with them. Try to not let it get to you, I know its hard though. And lol its not rude at all to do a first dance, etc.

@koch bride they aren't upset about this because of the baby(yes I'm due in September) they are upset cause we didn't do it the "right" way

We aren't gift grabby, we are having the full wedding yes wedding. We are legally married yes, but we both want this huge wedding, we have been together close to 10 years

I don't think people who are against it will ever see it quite like you do. A lot of people already see spending a lot of money on an actual wedding as wasteful, so spending so much money when you are already married anyway can rub people the wrong way I guess. IDK. I'm not a fan of vow renewals as a whole but I'm not paying for yours and if you aren't doing it just for gifts then more power to you. If it was someone I was close to I wouldn't talk negatively about it, I'd show up prepared to have fun and hope it's what they wanted.