*Update, page 2* Just need to vent, I was asked to stand in a wedding last night

Well semi update. She is not really open to the idea of me bringing the newborn to the wedding as it will be "distracting" to have me either putting a cover on or ducking out of the room to nurse. In her words she may need me for something and it's not fair for me to not be fully present. They have no plans to provide a sitter for kids (although I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with a stranger watching my kids anyway) and seems to think that I'm looking for a reason to show off the baby, even though I'd only know her mom and my FH at the wedding. She says that she feels 10 months is sufficient time for me to arrange babysitting since everyone else will manage too, but she seems to overlook the fact that I plan on breastfeeding as well. At this point I'm wondering why I even bother with the friendship. Most of the time she's not like this, but she does react this way whenever she gets stressed. FH says it doesn't even sound worth it to make the trip cross country to attend as a guest at this point since we'd either need to pay for FSIL to come watch the kids and still duck out to pump, or FH would stay in the hotel with the kids and I'd need to step out to pump still. I'm just not going to stress over it anymore at this point. Her FH tried talking to her and while he did calm her down she's not changing her position of how annoying she finds me needing to put my children first.

She sounds like a shitty ,selfish friend.

I find this unbelievable! Yes, I understand people have child-free weddings, although I'm not a fan myself. But many of those people make an exception for a breastfeeding baby, especially if it's an out-of-town wedding. And expecting you not only to attend an out-of-town child-free wedding when you have a breastfeeding baby, but to be a bridesmaid, and not even to step out to pump or nurse, is carrying things way too far.

Yeah the pumping thing gets to me...my BM had a baby 3 weeks before my wedding. It was her first and she was kind of crazy about not letting her baby out of her sight and if someone needed to watch the baby they had to do it while still in her presence. Although I didn't understand because I don't have a child of my own, I let her husband come to where we were getting ready to watch the baby, I let her husband come to pictures to watch the baby, she had to step out to pump several times and we even had to structure picture taking around her pumping a bit. And I didn't complain, because she had a newborn and that newborn baby was a hell of a lot more important than having any "distractions" at my wedding.

I can see maybe not wanting the newborn at the ceremony since it's a sacred moment that is special and you want to eliminate interruptions. However to not want you to even leave to go pump or nurse is pretty crazy. At my wedding I wasn't around my bridesmaids all day. They got ready with me, but my FSIL went off for some time where DH was getting ready and I didn't even notice she was gone. I just needed everyone around for pictures and the ceremony.

It sounds like it'd be too much work at that time and she just has to understand it's a different time in your life and that means you can't do certain things. It's better to say no now than have her disappointed later when you have to leave while getting ready to nurse.

Wow, she sounds like a crappy friend! You should direct her to WW, we'll help her see how selfish she's being!

She expects glitter covered slaves. Pass on this wedding and this friendship. No need for you to extend yourself if she isn't willing to meet you halfway

I pretty much just plan on keeping things civil but I feel like she's shown her real colors over this. She does have time to step back and realize that it's a pretty ridiculous thing to say, and maybe eventually she'll realize that all her BM's have to do is show up dressed, but I'm not really too motivated to put forth any effort right now.

So she wants you up her ass the entire day??? She's being ridiculous!

The only time I needed help from a BM was when I was sick at the reception. My MOH escorted me outside to get air and when she realized I was going to throw up, she rushed me to the bathroom and made sure I didn't get my dress dirty.

Wow. I'm fine with child-free weddings, BUT that comes with a trade-off. If you have a child-free wedding, you are accepting the fact that some parents will be unable to make it because children are ALWAYS the top priority. You also need to be reasonable and understand that those with newborns will need to step out for a moment. You should be grateful that they viewed your wedding as a priority at all and made the effort to attend.

Wow,

Wait, does she not realize that even if you don't bring the baby, you'll still need to step out from time to time to pump? She clearly has no concept of what it means to be nursing a baby.

We're having a child-free wedding (except for FSIL/FBIL kids) but there are ABSOLUTELY exceptions to the rule and Nursing Mothers & Babies are one of them! I'm really sorry your friend is having a hard time understanding your circumstances and clearly lacks empathy. You did the absolute right right, you were completely honest with her from the beginning and I personally would much rather that than someone who said yes knowing they might not be able to commit in the way that is necessary.

Your friend is a self absorbed prima donna. Send her a nice gift off her registry and save your self the headache and stress.

She is being a really horrible friend. i think its pretty clear that she doesn't think of anyone but herself.

Currently our plan is to just stay back home and send a gift off of the registry. Especially since FH decided last night that he wants to be out of our apartment after this years lease is up in July.

Double post

Ugh, I'm sorry she's acting this way! I know it's not your intention, but hopefully you guys staying home will help her realize that she can't always get her way, and that's she's being incredibly selfish.

I am on 3 different wedding boards. I am just waiting for some bride to come on one of them and tell me how her friend won't commit to being a BM because it means she would have to leave her newborn behind and is a nursing mom. I'm just waiting...

I can imagine how sucky feeling this is for you. But on the bright side, at least you found this all out now and not 10 months from now if you had committed to it.

@Jeleebeenz I don't see her joining a wedding board. She's very nervous about social media and pretty much anything where any personal information may be listed or found. If she does though I don't think that thread would be very well received.

I don't think people realize how much newborns sleep, how often they eat, and the biological needs of a nursing mother. As with learning about different lifestyles, it is selfish and ignorant to judge and make decisions before asking questions if you don't understand. I have a hard time being friendly with people like that! I'm sorry your friend is not being understanding.